Crossroads
Posted 08-25-2008 at 08:07 PM by mams1559
As some of you know, my FIL has been hospitalized since 7/7/08. He had surgery that day to remove esophogial cancer. He was supposed to have another procedure at the same time, but they couldn't do it. The 8 hour surgery to remove the cancer was a success. However, his recovery has been a long and rocky road.
First, was the pneumonia. Next was a separate lung infection for being on a ventilator for so long (at the time, 10+ days). Next was MRSA that he contracted at the hospital. Then when doing a follow-up procedure to scope the surgical area and insert a feeding tube (16 days after surgery) they over-sedated him and he nearly died.
He fought back, was off the vent for a few days, then his heart acts up. Here his lungs collapsed again. He got pneumonia again. They kept running scans and tests... which ultimately caused his kidneys to fail.
So now here we are almost 8 weeks later and he's still on a vent (possibly for the rest of his days) and he's now getting dialaysis (almost certainly for the rest of his days). He has bedsores and is still on a feeding tube. He still gets bouts of infections that the doctors can't figure out why or how. He's alert and knows what is happening. At times he gets frustrated and angry and also "altered", but he comes back to himself in relatively short order.
The crossroads we're facing for the immediate future is this.... the hospital wants him in a skilled nursing/rehab facility. He does not want a nursing home. The social workers are refusing to consider an alternative hospital here in town, as they don't think it will meet his needs. The homes that can take him (only 2 they're offering) are located outside of Pittsburgh... 2 hours from our home.
If he goes into a home, we lose the house and his Soc. Sec. goes to the home, not his wife. She is still employed locally and can't afford to not work, especially without his income. This has the potential to bankrupt my MIL & FIL and leave us all homeless.
My family moved in with my in-laws in 2001, after his last life-threatening surgery, at their request, to help maintain the house and care for the property and them. We did a full and complete merge of two households into one home. The mortgage is paid off, but the house is only in my FIL's name. He refused to sign it over to us. We've lived together for the past 8 years and have helped each other through some bad times. They've enjoyed watching their grandkids grow up and they've given the kids knowledge and experiences only grandparents can give.
So our immediate future is uncertain. We're not in a position financially to face this potential upheaval of our lives. Our emotions are strained as well. It's been an exhausting 2 months, especailly for my MIL. She's at her wits end. I know there's not much yenz can do, but it helps me think and re-focus when I put my situation down to writing. I'm beginning to work on some stratagies. Thank you for listening.
First, was the pneumonia. Next was a separate lung infection for being on a ventilator for so long (at the time, 10+ days). Next was MRSA that he contracted at the hospital. Then when doing a follow-up procedure to scope the surgical area and insert a feeding tube (16 days after surgery) they over-sedated him and he nearly died.
He fought back, was off the vent for a few days, then his heart acts up. Here his lungs collapsed again. He got pneumonia again. They kept running scans and tests... which ultimately caused his kidneys to fail.
So now here we are almost 8 weeks later and he's still on a vent (possibly for the rest of his days) and he's now getting dialaysis (almost certainly for the rest of his days). He has bedsores and is still on a feeding tube. He still gets bouts of infections that the doctors can't figure out why or how. He's alert and knows what is happening. At times he gets frustrated and angry and also "altered", but he comes back to himself in relatively short order.
The crossroads we're facing for the immediate future is this.... the hospital wants him in a skilled nursing/rehab facility. He does not want a nursing home. The social workers are refusing to consider an alternative hospital here in town, as they don't think it will meet his needs. The homes that can take him (only 2 they're offering) are located outside of Pittsburgh... 2 hours from our home.
If he goes into a home, we lose the house and his Soc. Sec. goes to the home, not his wife. She is still employed locally and can't afford to not work, especially without his income. This has the potential to bankrupt my MIL & FIL and leave us all homeless.
My family moved in with my in-laws in 2001, after his last life-threatening surgery, at their request, to help maintain the house and care for the property and them. We did a full and complete merge of two households into one home. The mortgage is paid off, but the house is only in my FIL's name. He refused to sign it over to us. We've lived together for the past 8 years and have helped each other through some bad times. They've enjoyed watching their grandkids grow up and they've given the kids knowledge and experiences only grandparents can give.
So our immediate future is uncertain. We're not in a position financially to face this potential upheaval of our lives. Our emotions are strained as well. It's been an exhausting 2 months, especailly for my MIL. She's at her wits end. I know there's not much yenz can do, but it helps me think and re-focus when I put my situation down to writing. I'm beginning to work on some stratagies. Thank you for listening.
Total Comments 8
Comments
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David called upon the Lord in his distress and cried out for help and God heard David and he hears you too mams! He knows your deepest need and He will answer your cry for help. I am praying for you!Posted 08-25-2008 at 08:18 PM by I LOVE NORTH CAROLINA
Updated 08-25-2008 at 08:19 PM by I LOVE NORTH CAROLINA (wording) -
Mark, how I wish I was wise enough to fix everything in a big long post..I continue to hold you and the family in my heart and my prayers..Just a thought..What about hospice? Just keep in mind that you have a family here who love you and will be here to listen and support your decisions..Hugs and prayersPosted 08-25-2008 at 08:19 PM by Miss Blue
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Oh Mams....the battle you have been waging! Don't give up my brother, God knows your heart, and He knows the burden you carry. Just keep leaving it all with Him, believing your prayer is answered.
I know there's been times when people have said this to me, and I would cry out, I have been, but I have not seen the answer! Faith in times of crisis brings hope for better things.
Luke 5:18-19 talks about not giving up, being agressive in faith, and believing. They kept on keeping on till they were able to bring their friend to Jesus.
My friend, you and your family are in my mind, and in my prayers. I know the friends you have here will not stop praying for you, and the power of prayer is strong...Posted 08-25-2008 at 10:41 PM by aiangel_writer
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Thank you all for your prayers and comments. I am humbled by you all. As for hospice, the local one only takes terminal cases. My FIL is not terminal. He needs long term hospital care, which Select Specialty Hospital in town would provide. They take the extra difficult cases who have surpassed their "regular" hospital stay and work on getting them healthy again. His doctors are fighting this choice and I don't understand why.Posted 08-26-2008 at 07:01 AM by mams1559
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praying for you buddy!Posted 08-26-2008 at 01:53 PM by arguy1973
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Mams:
DM is by now in your "inbox." Do these "social workers" know that they will potentially be displacing (translation: leaving potentially homeless) an elderly woman, (I am assuming your MIL is over 65 years of age?) and two children, (your kids are under 18.)
See where June is going?Posted 08-26-2008 at 02:34 PM by june 7th
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Hey mams, I really hope for the best with your situation. Good luck to you and your family!Posted 08-26-2008 at 06:53 PM by GCSTroop
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By chance can you talk with that hospital you want to take him to? Sit with them........Maybe they can work with the social workers on a plan to have your father close by. Let them explain that "they can handle it" Also,
I once knew a family in NJ that searched and searched for a home that " would not" take someones home away for their parents care. They found a small place. It use to be a victorian type home with the cutest porch etc.
They were able to make arrangements with them that did not include taking the SS or the family home.
My heart feels for you..........
Research as much as you can, and do visit the hospital you'd like him to enter................Posted 09-05-2008 at 09:45 AM by Summering
