Well this is my first attempt at a blog. I think I will start with general ramblings of daily interests for me and my life. Not that I think people should care about my life, but who knows something I say might help someone else. Sometimes it is nice to know you aren't alone.
The wonderful feminine world its really the elf’s fault
Posted 04-15-2009 at 06:12 PM by Kerowyn
A few weeks ago I wrote a little something on a thread about the beauty and thrills of woman’s physical monthly specialized event. So I have chosen to rewrite it with a few changes just for fun. Hope the Moderators will enjoy the humor in which it is meant and I also hope all those who read it can also enjoy a smile or two.
THE WONDERFUL FEMININE WORLD ITS REALLY THE ELF’S FAULT
(and some think PMS is overrated)
How does one truly describe the monthly event of a woman’s life? I have heard many words and phrases over the years from my friends. Still not one word stands out or one phrase. There have been many conversations to discussion the event some serious some humorous still only scratching the surface of such an important time in a female’s life. I have my own little take on this wondrous glorious event of eternal life.
First think of the womb as a special comforting room. Complete with all the necessities ones needs to survive within a sense of pure bliss, comfort and ease. This is how it all begins….. One day a little elf cute as can be arrives with little warning for you and the others around you. This little elf is the first of many who are about to visit this luxury room of ease. Funny how it never seems to be the same elf each month and always arrives at various times.
I have to say our first cute little elf is very sadistic as crawls up into your innards with spikes on feet and hands, digging and crawling all the way as if he is climbing the Matterhorn. The little bugger then starts to rip small and large chunks of guts out like removing wallpaper one sheet at a time and all the while enjoying the pain it causes a person. Just never forget those spikes, he never takes them off, in fact he uses them to constantly get a good grip and rip on his work. He relishes in his job a bit too much.
Soon, as if that isn't enough, our first little elf calls all his other little friends in to wreak havoc on the rest of your body, one to the head -- he surely likes to mess with your brain cells. His job is simple, cause intense headaches, forgetfulness, a lack of concentration. No pill can truly put this little guy off his chosen path of devastation and frustration.
Another one of the sadistic elf’s friend goes to work on the switches for emotional discord.... and boy does he love flipping those switches off and on, on and off. He more often than not enjoys trying new combinations. Happy, sad, grief, envy, anxiety, he has control of them all. Want to cry during butter commercials? How about watching the wind blow through the trees and get hit by joy, relieve and fretfulness all at the same time? He even has a special hyper drive to add in the mix that intensifies any emotion without notice.
So guys, when you see your wife or girlfriend, sister or mother go into a hyper drive emotional state… it isn’t her fault it is that little elf with control of the switch. Actually it is possible that his technology might have improved over the years and he had added the clapper. Clap on…clap off.
There is this one guy with his vise around the lower spinal cord. He works in unison with the interior redecorator sadistic elf (most likely close cousins); this guy just loves to put the squeeze on the spinal cord in varying degrees of pain. Never enough to truly make your legs buckle and fall out from underneath you but enough at times to make you think it will surely happen this time.
I don’t want to forget the twins; the two fairies that are known as ... the Munchie fairy and the Gain Weight fairy -- both working in perfect tandem. Munchie Fairy gives you all those lovely cravings: sweets, salty, starchy foods - all those foods we shouldn't be eating. Weight Gain Fairy adds on those ounces and pounds with water and extra puffiness. The big nasty from them is that the weight gain fairy normally always leaves some of that extra weight or water behind no matter what you do, it means extra work outs at the gym, a longer runs along with specialty diets.
I think my favorite is psycho elf... no he doesn't make you go crazy but he is crazy. He is the one who likes to go any where he desires to create new and improved by-product problem difficulties, acne maybe? How about having your feet swell? Or maybe sore chest, nail breakage, tender head, and constant intense joint pain all at once? Want a cold with that cycle? Basically psycho elf just adds icing onto an already mixed baked and decorated cake.
Now please don’t forget we females get to deal with this over and over again every 25-30 days (it differs in every woman) for about, what 40-50 years, starting year anywhere from 9-15ish, oh and during all those years no two cycles ever really are the same for the same person nor are they same for different women. Yep, Gents that means a whole new experience each and every time.
Men want to know more about the event in our life? It is a mystery? They can’t seem to understand what it is all about and why we females tend to ‘lose it’ during such lovely times in our life. Oh they can imagine? Or can they?
The truth is the event is such that one can try to verbalize it, but some things can't really be described in words well enough. Having such pain, discomfort and emotional discord reeking havoc on a single person, not just a few days every month but in some cases for 2 - 3 weeks becomes well… daunting to say the least.
Think of the whole event like a hurricane about to strike. It likes to space itself out, you have all the wind, weather and worries before it makes land then after some time the walls hits you full force, a short breather during the eye (this could be one hour or one day of feeling just okay) then you have the back wall of the hurricane, again with all the extra fun filled events till finally you get a brief time of rest till you get to do it all over again!
So please next time you think about such events in your loved one’s life -- light a candle, have some salty foods at hand and try to appease the nasty wee little elves that are causing all the troubles. For I know, We Just don’t Plan to Burn Down Houses, Tear Down Walls, Break China or Go Hoarse From all the Yelling…. It’s the Elf’s Fault, plane and simple.
Kerowyn
THE WONDERFUL FEMININE WORLD ITS REALLY THE ELF’S FAULT
(and some think PMS is overrated)
How does one truly describe the monthly event of a woman’s life? I have heard many words and phrases over the years from my friends. Still not one word stands out or one phrase. There have been many conversations to discussion the event some serious some humorous still only scratching the surface of such an important time in a female’s life. I have my own little take on this wondrous glorious event of eternal life.
First think of the womb as a special comforting room. Complete with all the necessities ones needs to survive within a sense of pure bliss, comfort and ease. This is how it all begins….. One day a little elf cute as can be arrives with little warning for you and the others around you. This little elf is the first of many who are about to visit this luxury room of ease. Funny how it never seems to be the same elf each month and always arrives at various times.
I have to say our first cute little elf is very sadistic as crawls up into your innards with spikes on feet and hands, digging and crawling all the way as if he is climbing the Matterhorn. The little bugger then starts to rip small and large chunks of guts out like removing wallpaper one sheet at a time and all the while enjoying the pain it causes a person. Just never forget those spikes, he never takes them off, in fact he uses them to constantly get a good grip and rip on his work. He relishes in his job a bit too much.
Soon, as if that isn't enough, our first little elf calls all his other little friends in to wreak havoc on the rest of your body, one to the head -- he surely likes to mess with your brain cells. His job is simple, cause intense headaches, forgetfulness, a lack of concentration. No pill can truly put this little guy off his chosen path of devastation and frustration.
Another one of the sadistic elf’s friend goes to work on the switches for emotional discord.... and boy does he love flipping those switches off and on, on and off. He more often than not enjoys trying new combinations. Happy, sad, grief, envy, anxiety, he has control of them all. Want to cry during butter commercials? How about watching the wind blow through the trees and get hit by joy, relieve and fretfulness all at the same time? He even has a special hyper drive to add in the mix that intensifies any emotion without notice.
So guys, when you see your wife or girlfriend, sister or mother go into a hyper drive emotional state… it isn’t her fault it is that little elf with control of the switch. Actually it is possible that his technology might have improved over the years and he had added the clapper. Clap on…clap off.
There is this one guy with his vise around the lower spinal cord. He works in unison with the interior redecorator sadistic elf (most likely close cousins); this guy just loves to put the squeeze on the spinal cord in varying degrees of pain. Never enough to truly make your legs buckle and fall out from underneath you but enough at times to make you think it will surely happen this time.
I don’t want to forget the twins; the two fairies that are known as ... the Munchie fairy and the Gain Weight fairy -- both working in perfect tandem. Munchie Fairy gives you all those lovely cravings: sweets, salty, starchy foods - all those foods we shouldn't be eating. Weight Gain Fairy adds on those ounces and pounds with water and extra puffiness. The big nasty from them is that the weight gain fairy normally always leaves some of that extra weight or water behind no matter what you do, it means extra work outs at the gym, a longer runs along with specialty diets.
I think my favorite is psycho elf... no he doesn't make you go crazy but he is crazy. He is the one who likes to go any where he desires to create new and improved by-product problem difficulties, acne maybe? How about having your feet swell? Or maybe sore chest, nail breakage, tender head, and constant intense joint pain all at once? Want a cold with that cycle? Basically psycho elf just adds icing onto an already mixed baked and decorated cake.
Now please don’t forget we females get to deal with this over and over again every 25-30 days (it differs in every woman) for about, what 40-50 years, starting year anywhere from 9-15ish, oh and during all those years no two cycles ever really are the same for the same person nor are they same for different women. Yep, Gents that means a whole new experience each and every time.
Men want to know more about the event in our life? It is a mystery? They can’t seem to understand what it is all about and why we females tend to ‘lose it’ during such lovely times in our life. Oh they can imagine? Or can they?
The truth is the event is such that one can try to verbalize it, but some things can't really be described in words well enough. Having such pain, discomfort and emotional discord reeking havoc on a single person, not just a few days every month but in some cases for 2 - 3 weeks becomes well… daunting to say the least.
Think of the whole event like a hurricane about to strike. It likes to space itself out, you have all the wind, weather and worries before it makes land then after some time the walls hits you full force, a short breather during the eye (this could be one hour or one day of feeling just okay) then you have the back wall of the hurricane, again with all the extra fun filled events till finally you get a brief time of rest till you get to do it all over again!
So please next time you think about such events in your loved one’s life -- light a candle, have some salty foods at hand and try to appease the nasty wee little elves that are causing all the troubles. For I know, We Just don’t Plan to Burn Down Houses, Tear Down Walls, Break China or Go Hoarse From all the Yelling…. It’s the Elf’s Fault, plane and simple.
Kerowyn
Total Comments 2
Comments
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ROFLMBO..Kerowyn, that is absolutely priceless..It gave me cramps just reading about those fiersome elf's..Hey I have been post menopausal for years
Posted 05-08-2009 at 04:10 PM by Miss Blue
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Miss blue you lucky dog you! You found the only cure to evict those nasty creepy little elves and you lived through the process as well. I should also add that those around lived through it as well.... them elves aren't easy buggers to evict!
Sorry it took a bit of time to respond… forgot I wrote a blog or two. LOL…. I think I am starting my own eviction process… start taking notes now for next female rant.
Posted 05-15-2009 at 08:58 PM by Kerowyn
