"Forever Done"
Posted 02-19-2022 at 05:00 PM by Free-R
Updated 05-18-2022 at 07:26 AM by Free-R (Changed title from "Unfixed" to "Forever Done," which was an actual line used in our final communications)
Updated 05-18-2022 at 07:26 AM by Free-R (Changed title from "Unfixed" to "Forever Done," which was an actual line used in our final communications)
"Candy," I know that it has been 14+ years of "no contact," by my choosing, even though you offered friendship, but I just hope you know that through all the hurt, pain and anger on both sides, I will always be appreciative of our time together. I came really close the other day to throwing out all the old letters, photos and other communication that still exists from our dating years. I'm getting advice from numerous people (in real life) that I should toss it all. But I stopped myself for some reason. It's not that I'm "still in love" with you and holding onto these items for those reasons or anything like that. Part of it may also be that I'm a fan of history, and throwing it all out would be scrapping much of my youth. Like you would always say, "Free-R, you were a big part of my life!" There will come a time when I toss it all, I'm sure. Just not now.
Ya know, we weren't the loves of each other's lives (a spade is a spade
), I understand that. And I know we didn't have all that much in common or have that deep of a friendship between us, sadly, but we made the best of it, and what we did share for that many years - and you know exactly what I am talking about - I consider to be some of my life's greatest work. I'm serious, and I'm sure you would agree, as you would often tell your friends 
. I never, ever took you for granted in that respect, and it is extremely important that you know that. It was an honor to have that time with you, and I will go the rest of my years considering it the gift that it was. To feel that kind of emotional closeness even when other aspects in the relationship aren't where they need to be can be quite confusing. I wish there were more answers.
Wherever you're at, I hope you're still happy and that your life grew into what you wanted it to be. Because you were wrong when you said, "He doesn't want to see me happy." It's just that it is too painful. You did what you had to do and made the right choice. However, just because we both knew all along that we wouldn't be together in the end, that doesn't make it any easier, surprisingly so, actually. Sometimes I imagine what your kids look like, the home you share with your husband, how happy you are to be a wife and a mother, your family smiling and laughing together while opening presents on Christmas, and I get a little emotional. You deserve that life.
~ Free-R
"Candy" knows why I'm posting this Aguilera song.
The Broken View - "All I Feel Is You"
^^
A newer rock song. It's kind of "just okay" and took me multiple listens + the video content to come around to it. The dancing in the video adds emotional depth, plus it's clear the lead singer feels the pain in the song; he's lived it.
Ya know, we weren't the loves of each other's lives (a spade is a spade
), I understand that. And I know we didn't have all that much in common or have that deep of a friendship between us, sadly, but we made the best of it, and what we did share for that many years - and you know exactly what I am talking about - I consider to be some of my life's greatest work. I'm serious, and I'm sure you would agree, as you would often tell your friends . I never, ever took you for granted in that respect, and it is extremely important that you know that. It was an honor to have that time with you, and I will go the rest of my years considering it the gift that it was. To feel that kind of emotional closeness even when other aspects in the relationship aren't where they need to be can be quite confusing. I wish there were more answers.Wherever you're at, I hope you're still happy and that your life grew into what you wanted it to be. Because you were wrong when you said, "He doesn't want to see me happy." It's just that it is too painful. You did what you had to do and made the right choice. However, just because we both knew all along that we wouldn't be together in the end, that doesn't make it any easier, surprisingly so, actually. Sometimes I imagine what your kids look like, the home you share with your husband, how happy you are to be a wife and a mother, your family smiling and laughing together while opening presents on Christmas, and I get a little emotional. You deserve that life.
~ Free-R
"Candy" knows why I'm posting this Aguilera song.
The Broken View - "All I Feel Is You"
^^
A newer rock song. It's kind of "just okay" and took me multiple listens + the video content to come around to it. The dancing in the video adds emotional depth, plus it's clear the lead singer feels the pain in the song; he's lived it.
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Comments
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UPDATE: On 11/6/2022, I put in a request for my sister to contact my ex about these letters and photos. They have kept in contact over the years. My ex said to pitch the letters, which I think is a bit disappointing. Those letters contain the voice of a young woman growing into her own over the years while dealing with the ups and downs of life, work, school, and a relationship. Of course, when you go on to crush it in life afterward, it's understandable not seeing much use in them, nor wanting to relive it. I found the letters powerful, emotional, and visceral to re-read, mostly from her perspective on her life and decisions. I really thought they were interesting. However, I will go ahead and toss them all. After all, it's long in the past, and she's writing a much better story now as a wife and mother.
My ex did request to be sent the photos and some other trinkets that she wants, and I will be doing that via my sister. I have been thinking about it for some time that I need to let them go, finally. I at least wanted to ask her first out of respect, which I have now done.
I truly wish her the best, but she doesn't need it - she is doing the best!
Godspeed, "Candy."
Free-RPosted 11-06-2022 at 04:07 PM by Free-R
