I just can't...

Well, after such a long period I'm back on here again.

I kind of know that I'm not gonna get any feedback to this blog, especially compared to that lot I used to get on AT, but... what do I do? I have no other place to bare my soul.

But I need to. It's what I can't do without.

The thing is I'm desperately and hopelessly in love with a guy who doesn't care.

Being married for five bloody years!

My husband is the best person ever. He's the most handsome, hardworking, honest, faithful, loving and caring man in the world.

He is a saint, really.

But I keep thinking of another man, who is the exact opposite of him.

And that other man doesn't give a s...t about me.

A few weeks ago after a long sickness I found out some diagnosis which might kill me any time and it pushed me to send that man an email with a love confession. He answered and gave me his phone number. But I was afraid to call him. And I couldn't do it in the presence of my husband.

I answered to him that we needed to arrange the exact data and time I could give him a call. He didn't reply at once, kept me waiting a few days.

He knows I am married, he knew it before.

Eventially we appointed last Sunday, but after that I have never heard from him again.

I know he is online and not texting me. A week has gone by. No reply.

I'm going crazy, I know that the best thing I can do is not to write or call him, not to thrust myself upon him. Besides, I have no moral right to do it for I am married.

But it's driving me nuts...