My Life as a Mormon #4 (My Testimony)
I am grateful to be a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. Even though I am lonely often and sometimes frightened, for every reason I can find to leave, I can find a dozen other reasons to stay. I can say with conviction that I truly do believe what I call the "core doctrines" of Mormonism. It would probably be accurate to say that, for me, these core doctrines really are nothing more than the LDS perspective of the Plan of Salvation and the gospel of Jesus Christ. In other words, with respect to actual "doctrines," I am a pretty firm believer in Mormonism. I have had and will probably always continue to have significant issues with the Church's leadership when it comes to matters of policy. Policies do, however, change with time, and I suspect the day will come when most of the policies I struggle with will be a thing of the past. I may not live long enough to witness many of these changes, but I continue to hope that they will someday take place.
During the past roughly twenty years, as I have been deeply involved in religious discussions with non-LDS Christians, I have learned a lot about what Catholics, Baptists, Lutherans, Jehovah's Witnesses, etc. believe. In comparing and contrasting LDS beliefs with the beliefs of my fellow Christians, I have gained a tremendous appreciation for the teachings of Mormonism. I strongly suspect that the average Mormon takes the majority of our Church's teachings for granted. I'm sure there was a time when I did, too. I don't any more.
I am grateful that I see God as something other than a mysterious essence that fills the universe, a force or a power that is somehow simultaneously "one" and "three" and that has no "body parts or passions," a being whom the scriptures refer to as my "Father in Heaven," but whom it is impossible for me to relate to as a "Father" of any kind. I value the things I understand Him to be. I don't know that I picture Him as old man with a long white beard, but I find it wonderful to be able to "picture" Him at all, which is something I couldn't do had I been raised to believe in the Trinity of traditional Christianity. I definitely do "picture" Him as being someone I will someday recognize as God, when I am privileged at last to actually see Him. I believe that He will appear in His true form. He won't have to temporarily morph into something I can relate to, because that is what He has been all along. I realize that, had I been raised to think of Him in the way most Christians do, I'd probably have learned over time to just accept that He is "something we're just not supposed to understand." But I like to think that had I been raised that way, I would have had the courage to shed these preconceived ideas and embrace a God in whose literal image I was created.
I am grateful that I see Him as being the actual Father of the One He calls His "Only Begotten Son." That title is meaningless unless it describes an actual relationship. I don't believe, as some of our critics claim we do, that Jesus' mother, Mary, conceived Him as a result of physical intimacy with "God the Father," nor do I believe that He was fathered by the Holy Ghost. I see God the Father as the literal Father of Jesus Christ, but if we as mortal beings have figured out how to create human life in a test tube, I'm sure God is capable of figuring out how to create human life without having had sexual relations.
Despite the fact that I don't believe in the Trinity, I also believe that Jesus Christ is Himself "God." I believe Him to be the "God" that "The Book of Mormon" says was to come to Earth to redeem mankind. I believe Him to be the "God" that "The Doctrine and Covenants" says "[bled] from every pore" in Gethsemane. I would refer to Him as "God the Son," except that this term is virtually never used in Mormonism, probably partly because it sounds "so Catholic." But the fact that we refer to Him as "the Son of God," instead, certainly doesn't mean that we see Him as some sort of a "demigod." We see Him as having every divine attribute His Father has, but as being subordinate to His Father in terms of their Father-Son relationship. To me, the logic inherent in this way of looking at their divinity and their relationship makes so much more sense to me than the illogical explanations given by Trinitarians.
I am grateful that I see God as absolutely unselfish and of giving us life "so that we might have joy." I am appalled when I hear people say that God's purpose in creating mankind was in order to guarantee that He would have someone to worship Him forever. I love knowing that this life wasn't forced upon me, but that I chose to be part of a Plan that had as its ultimate goal, my exaltation. To be perfectly honest, when I even think about the possibility of someday becoming a goddess and of Matt becoming a god, and of us creating new worlds and becoming the spirit parents of more beings like us, I'm afraid my enthusiasm is sadly lacking. Now it is, I suppose, conceivable that I could change my mind at some point in the next stage of my existence, but for right now, the idea of feeling the way I do towards James and Brooke, but having this love and concern multiplied by billions, and having to choose one of my children to pay the price for the sins of all the others is just something I think I'd choose to pass on. Still, to think that God has given us this potential as human beings is absolutely mind-boggling. When I hear people react as if this concept is the greatest blasphemy imaginable, I can't help but wonder why. Is God so insecure that He would intentionally limit the progress of His own children? Why would any loving Father do that? It is also extremely comforting to me to know that even those whose lives are filled with suffering believed that, in the end, it would all be worth it. I believe they, too, chose to come to Earth. Maybe they figured the bad stuff would all happen to someone else; maybe we all did. But I believe we all understood that the potential for great suffering was there, and chose to experience life despite that fact.
During the past roughly twenty years, as I have been deeply involved in religious discussions with non-LDS Christians, I have learned a lot about what Catholics, Baptists, Lutherans, Jehovah's Witnesses, etc. believe. In comparing and contrasting LDS beliefs with the beliefs of my fellow Christians, I have gained a tremendous appreciation for the teachings of Mormonism. I strongly suspect that the average Mormon takes the majority of our Church's teachings for granted. I'm sure there was a time when I did, too. I don't any more.
I am grateful that I see God as something other than a mysterious essence that fills the universe, a force or a power that is somehow simultaneously "one" and "three" and that has no "body parts or passions," a being whom the scriptures refer to as my "Father in Heaven," but whom it is impossible for me to relate to as a "Father" of any kind. I value the things I understand Him to be. I don't know that I picture Him as old man with a long white beard, but I find it wonderful to be able to "picture" Him at all, which is something I couldn't do had I been raised to believe in the Trinity of traditional Christianity. I definitely do "picture" Him as being someone I will someday recognize as God, when I am privileged at last to actually see Him. I believe that He will appear in His true form. He won't have to temporarily morph into something I can relate to, because that is what He has been all along. I realize that, had I been raised to think of Him in the way most Christians do, I'd probably have learned over time to just accept that He is "something we're just not supposed to understand." But I like to think that had I been raised that way, I would have had the courage to shed these preconceived ideas and embrace a God in whose literal image I was created.
I am grateful that I see Him as being the actual Father of the One He calls His "Only Begotten Son." That title is meaningless unless it describes an actual relationship. I don't believe, as some of our critics claim we do, that Jesus' mother, Mary, conceived Him as a result of physical intimacy with "God the Father," nor do I believe that He was fathered by the Holy Ghost. I see God the Father as the literal Father of Jesus Christ, but if we as mortal beings have figured out how to create human life in a test tube, I'm sure God is capable of figuring out how to create human life without having had sexual relations.
Despite the fact that I don't believe in the Trinity, I also believe that Jesus Christ is Himself "God." I believe Him to be the "God" that "The Book of Mormon" says was to come to Earth to redeem mankind. I believe Him to be the "God" that "The Doctrine and Covenants" says "[bled] from every pore" in Gethsemane. I would refer to Him as "God the Son," except that this term is virtually never used in Mormonism, probably partly because it sounds "so Catholic." But the fact that we refer to Him as "the Son of God," instead, certainly doesn't mean that we see Him as some sort of a "demigod." We see Him as having every divine attribute His Father has, but as being subordinate to His Father in terms of their Father-Son relationship. To me, the logic inherent in this way of looking at their divinity and their relationship makes so much more sense to me than the illogical explanations given by Trinitarians.
I am grateful that I see God as absolutely unselfish and of giving us life "so that we might have joy." I am appalled when I hear people say that God's purpose in creating mankind was in order to guarantee that He would have someone to worship Him forever. I love knowing that this life wasn't forced upon me, but that I chose to be part of a Plan that had as its ultimate goal, my exaltation. To be perfectly honest, when I even think about the possibility of someday becoming a goddess and of Matt becoming a god, and of us creating new worlds and becoming the spirit parents of more beings like us, I'm afraid my enthusiasm is sadly lacking. Now it is, I suppose, conceivable that I could change my mind at some point in the next stage of my existence, but for right now, the idea of feeling the way I do towards James and Brooke, but having this love and concern multiplied by billions, and having to choose one of my children to pay the price for the sins of all the others is just something I think I'd choose to pass on. Still, to think that God has given us this potential as human beings is absolutely mind-boggling. When I hear people react as if this concept is the greatest blasphemy imaginable, I can't help but wonder why. Is God so insecure that He would intentionally limit the progress of His own children? Why would any loving Father do that? It is also extremely comforting to me to know that even those whose lives are filled with suffering believed that, in the end, it would all be worth it. I believe they, too, chose to come to Earth. Maybe they figured the bad stuff would all happen to someone else; maybe we all did. But I believe we all understood that the potential for great suffering was there, and chose to experience life despite that fact.
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