Three Billboards Outside Ebbing, Missouri - Yuck - 1/29/18

I went to the movies on Saturday afternoon, the first time in nine years. I find Hollywood to be full of IPDITS (Important People Doing Important Things) - superficial, back-patting, boring egomaniacs. Thus I don't like to fork over my money so the overpaid narcissistic IPDITS can have more money to spend on their over extravagant lifestyles and Dr Frankenstein plastic surgeries. But...I was bored on Saturday, so bored that I gave in and went, by myself, to a Saturday matinee of the movie "Three Billboards Outside, Ebbing Missouri." Thank God I only paid $6.00 for the ticket, even *that* was too much for the two hour dreck of a movie.

I picked "Three Billboards Outside, Ebbing Missouri" because it stars Frances McDormand, a Hollywood "star" who hasn't had the typical alien face pulling, face injecting plastic surgery (although I am sure she has some work done, they all do). Plus I liked her in the movie "Fargo." Also, I heard that "Three Billboards Outside, Ebbing Missouri" was up for Oscar nominations and it received a 8.3 rating on IMdb. I decided NOT to read the reviews which lead to the 8.3 rating, as I didn't want to read any spoilers before I saw the movie. Bad move on my part.

So off I went to the Movieplex in an old strip mall.

The Movieplex housed seven small theaters. It was decent enough for a movie theater, especially when you are only paying $6.00 to see a movie. I decided not to get any snacks, as I figured I could last two hours without eating anything, plus popcorn gets stuck in my old teeth, and then there is hell to pay with my gums days later. There were probably 30 people in the theater, all cheap oldsters like myself (45+). I knew they were going to have 15 minutes of overly loud ADDish previews of current and future movies, and I was not disappointed. So I decided to play MahJong on my phone will I awaited the "Feature Presentation."

Finally the movie started and I settled in for two hours of yawning boredom and one too many stereotypical characters and references, be it white racists, black saviors, it even had a dwarf with a heart of gold! That would be fine if the movie poked fun at the stereotypical references and characters, but it didn't, it presented those characters and references with dead seriousness.

To break down the plot of the movie: A mother (McDormand) pays for three billboards. On the billboards she asks the chief of police of Ebbing, Missouri why there has been no arrests for the rape and murder of her daughter which happened 7-8 months previously. That's it. For some reason, the billboards cause the ire of the townspeople, the chief and other police officers, especially one police officer who is an alcoholic white racist momma's boy. All hell breaks loose, lots of violence, lots of swearing, basically lots of mean miserable people doing mean miserable things to each other -- all because of the billboards, I guess.

Now I am not an idiot, although I am sure many will disagree, I get that the movie was supposed to show redemption, and perhaps the "Butterfly Effect" when it comes to the interaction of humankind. But in reality, the movie was just stupid. Too many plot holes, too many stereotypical characters, and too much profanity, even for me. I get there are racist white cops, but how many times have we seen *that* in movies? Too many times to count. Nothing new and shocking with *that* stereotype. Hollywood needs to get over its leftist fascination with white racism (because we all know only whites can be racist, it's the law!).

Here are just a few of the stupid plot holes and stereotypes in the movie:

1. The mother is a white "cracker" who wears blue overalls and a bandana on her head pretty much everyday, even though she works in a gift shop. I guess to show she is a typical white woman in Missouri? Really?
   
   
2. The white racist cop is a raging, violent, alcoholic who lives with his momma, in a crappy, white trash house, with a large front porch, where they hang out and drink beer. I suppose another typical white male in Missouri?
   
   
3. The mother works with a pretty, hip black woman at the gift shop. The black woman is articulate, nice and doesn't wear overalls.
   
   
4. The police chief is married to either an English or Australian woman (I couldn't place the accent of the character) who is 25 years younger than him. The police chief is tough but has a heart of gold, as we find out later in his letters, after his suicide. Have no clue where a white hometown boy who is in his late 50's - 60's finds an "exotic" younger wife in a small town in Missouri.
   
   
5. There is a dwarf who wants to date the mother, he has a heart of gold too. There is a black guy who put up the billboards, and yet again, he is articulate, nice and dresses nicely. Only white people dress trashy in Missouri.
   
   
6. There is a young, millenial type (perhaps gay or transgender? or just weird?) who works at the advertising company which put up the billboards. This "soft" white male is harassed by the white racist cop.
   
   
7. A new police chief comes into town after the white chief's suicide, and lo and behold he is black! The black savior rides into town to save it from all the white racists.
   
   
8. The white racist cop beats up the advertising guy and throws him out a window in front of the new black police chief and he doesn't get arrested.
   
   
9. The mother burns down the police station, she is found outside the burning station with a backpack on where she hid her molotov cocktails, and she doesn't get arrested.
   
   
10. The mother kicks two teenagers in the groin in front of a school and multiple witnesses, and she doesn't get arrested.
    
    
11. The billboards are set on fire and the mother just happens to have a 50 gallon fire extinguisher in her car's front seat and attempts to put out the fire.

I could go on and on, but why bother?

This movie reminded me of the movie "Crash" in 2004, but with billboards. Yawn.

I wouldn't recommend this movie. Come to find out the writer and director is Irish and he lives in London. Now I get it...