nighttime mysteries,tapering down and doctors,wishful lives
Well I've decided to go the safest way possible tapering and to consult with doctors etc,this will take many months.It seems none of them have any training in tapering nor often want to take you off their heinous medications.I have very low trust and strong loathe of western medicine.All I want is to come off these toxic heinous meds and to see a healer,and heal my brain - that might be too lofty a goal but I'm tired of living out of whack with my principles.It stifles the soul to never live to your principles and deepest understanding of how things are and came to be.Everyday I wish I had gone the natural route from the beginning of this.But God knows we can be to idealistic and overlook the reality of the situation.Im more rational than I was in the past but I still think this is a spiritual affliction that has to be dealt with in that vein,but the drugs have also changed my brain architecture so much it's also become a medical problem now and I can't ignore that.
If I had seen a healer back when it all started I think they could have cleared the negative energies and put me on the right path like all healers do, but I think now my brain has been so messed with that and now so drug dependant that a healer can only do so much.Im tired of thinking about it all its consumed me the last few days.Gosh I just want to be off the meds,I miss feeling,dramatic peaks,the clarity of passion,strong spirits all about me,a soulfulness which the med suppresses.It keeps out the dark spirits but it closes off spirit alogether at any rate with the brain damage I doubt I'd feel much.I miss my high spirits and passionate nature.
All I want is to live with my love in the handmade house by the sea,to read every morning when I wake up 'Celtic meditations for the turning year' that solemn and sacred ritual and go outside for fresh air.To water the herbs,learn about herbalism and natural medicine.To make rye toast and aged cheddar and English breakfast tea.To have long black hair,green eyes,pale ghostly skin and rosy cheeks.To be dressed in 'whites' with a string of beads and silver earrings,maybe velvet in the winter.To be a poet,my gosh I long to be a poet, and to keep my beautiful leather journals tooled with bespoke Celtic symbols filled with my poetry.Writing poems on mythic themes from the mythological cycles and folklore,writing on chaos,mystery,the night,doomsday,unreason,passion and poems against science.To study my MA in Celtic Studies,my dissertation would be either be on morrigu or Celtic prophetic poetry.To paint or make dolls or dresses or jewellery.I forgot all this in my stress! Not much of this is possible but oh how these dreams of such a sacred life keep me alive and remind me who I am and what I stand for.
How estranged my world is from it,dealing with heinous psychiatrists and their toxic pills and narrow masculine reason.I had a good talk with my friend about the revival of the divine feminine and feminine energies that understand healing and intuition,the spirit,the sacred.Been listening to 'cherry wine' by Hozier,thought if I was a singer I'd call myself the tempest.No I'd probably go by my name,but a very romantic version of my name.Going to start reading a bit today,nothing is sinking in properly since Sunday,but I want to drink my tea today,listen to music and read on healing/shamanist traditions.I feel devoted to the mysteries now.
If I had seen a healer back when it all started I think they could have cleared the negative energies and put me on the right path like all healers do, but I think now my brain has been so messed with that and now so drug dependant that a healer can only do so much.Im tired of thinking about it all its consumed me the last few days.Gosh I just want to be off the meds,I miss feeling,dramatic peaks,the clarity of passion,strong spirits all about me,a soulfulness which the med suppresses.It keeps out the dark spirits but it closes off spirit alogether at any rate with the brain damage I doubt I'd feel much.I miss my high spirits and passionate nature.
All I want is to live with my love in the handmade house by the sea,to read every morning when I wake up 'Celtic meditations for the turning year' that solemn and sacred ritual and go outside for fresh air.To water the herbs,learn about herbalism and natural medicine.To make rye toast and aged cheddar and English breakfast tea.To have long black hair,green eyes,pale ghostly skin and rosy cheeks.To be dressed in 'whites' with a string of beads and silver earrings,maybe velvet in the winter.To be a poet,my gosh I long to be a poet, and to keep my beautiful leather journals tooled with bespoke Celtic symbols filled with my poetry.Writing poems on mythic themes from the mythological cycles and folklore,writing on chaos,mystery,the night,doomsday,unreason,passion and poems against science.To study my MA in Celtic Studies,my dissertation would be either be on morrigu or Celtic prophetic poetry.To paint or make dolls or dresses or jewellery.I forgot all this in my stress! Not much of this is possible but oh how these dreams of such a sacred life keep me alive and remind me who I am and what I stand for.
How estranged my world is from it,dealing with heinous psychiatrists and their toxic pills and narrow masculine reason.I had a good talk with my friend about the revival of the divine feminine and feminine energies that understand healing and intuition,the spirit,the sacred.Been listening to 'cherry wine' by Hozier,thought if I was a singer I'd call myself the tempest.No I'd probably go by my name,but a very romantic version of my name.Going to start reading a bit today,nothing is sinking in properly since Sunday,but I want to drink my tea today,listen to music and read on healing/shamanist traditions.I feel devoted to the mysteries now.
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