Poetic names,former selves and sweet lullabies
Have been looking at baby names,thinking what I'd call my child if I had one.I don't want one,but I like choosing names and it's interesting to see the names people like.I could never in a trillion years give my child a dull common name,I'd chose Tamesis for a girl,after the Celtic goddess of the Thames and I'd use Tamsin for short,a very British name and a character I love from a film.If it were a boy,well I have always had my heart set on the name Fianna,after the ancient Irish band of noble warriors 'the fianna'.
I also like the name Bride after the Irish/Celtic goddess of poetry.Hopefully I can use these names for some puppies.Im feeling a little manic - that is everything is looking beautiful to me,and I'm in my everything is grand and wildly romantic,in another world moods,excited over everything.Only with the brain damage you can't place in your mind what it is your excited about,can't recall all your passions,or coax out daydreams and thoughts, but you just feel flooded and lit within.
This was always a wonderful time before the brain damage,I would ride on stories,reside in ancient times,read poetry,feel at the heights,linger on love,draw etc and this would go on for months.Truly I think my mania a blessed and divine state like the ancient Romans said.The whole first half of last year I was in high spirits.
I have the fairy lights still on,there is nothing more enchanting than darkness and dim lights or candlelight, it conjures so much.I wish it rained or was overcast everyday,or always winter so I could huddle away with my tea in the soft light and draw or write poems,or read folklore.Sunny days have their beauty,the warm sun on your skin and the fresh outdoor air,but I prefer dark,cold,rainy days.Oh that would be perfect right now a winter evening,with a cinnamon scroll (I wish) and English breakfast tea in my William Morris mug,writing the daughter of Ivor well into the night by candlelight, or watching a period drama (film) preferably one with Eddie Redmayne.There is one with him I tried to watch 'Birdsong' but the acting was too contrived, I may try it again as he is truly the most beautiful man I've ever seen.I honestly have never seen something so lovely.
I Looked at folkloreish and bohemian girls on Instagram there are so many,you think you are surrounded on all sides by Chanel bags,Yankee candles and Starbucks,but there are all these interesting girls about.I use to be,I was very bohemian in my university days,and six years ago,the ever eccentric artist, but I've changed since the brain damage and due to various other reasons,changed to by all I go through.I fear myself becoming more common.Yet I'm also more me than I've ever been.At the souls setting I'm the same,but I cannot create now as I've always done I try to paint,I try to write poetry or novels but my brain is blocked,that's a fact that I lamented all afternoon and made me suicidal.I need to be able to create and imagine vast and brilliant things as I've done all my life.I use to have thousands of ideas in my head at any one time now there is just this blank block all the time,nothing like writers block,or a block of imagination but actual neurological impairment.
I don't want to mourn for the rest of my life,my constellation was reading talented poets who died at my age,with all their brilliance coming to a close.I pretend I have died, and my room is just heavens waiting room and I have to live out a few more years there before I can go on to something better.I watch the beast transform in beauty and the beast and think my beastly life will too transform into something magical,watching the castle in it transform from a den of demons to a bright angelic shine at the end of the film.The beast all despair and anguish, then a beloved and beautiful prince.Oh I gush over fairy tales,the minute I see the words "fairy tales" I'm alight.Which reminds me I've been listening to lullabies on YouTube which I highly reccomend to anyone who is stressed, it will put you in the most peaceful place.Im going to play some now or watch birdsong, make some tea and try (emphasis on the word try) to think on fortunate afterlives in which I am epic poet and painter once more.
I also like the name Bride after the Irish/Celtic goddess of poetry.Hopefully I can use these names for some puppies.Im feeling a little manic - that is everything is looking beautiful to me,and I'm in my everything is grand and wildly romantic,in another world moods,excited over everything.Only with the brain damage you can't place in your mind what it is your excited about,can't recall all your passions,or coax out daydreams and thoughts, but you just feel flooded and lit within.
This was always a wonderful time before the brain damage,I would ride on stories,reside in ancient times,read poetry,feel at the heights,linger on love,draw etc and this would go on for months.Truly I think my mania a blessed and divine state like the ancient Romans said.The whole first half of last year I was in high spirits.
I have the fairy lights still on,there is nothing more enchanting than darkness and dim lights or candlelight, it conjures so much.I wish it rained or was overcast everyday,or always winter so I could huddle away with my tea in the soft light and draw or write poems,or read folklore.Sunny days have their beauty,the warm sun on your skin and the fresh outdoor air,but I prefer dark,cold,rainy days.Oh that would be perfect right now a winter evening,with a cinnamon scroll (I wish) and English breakfast tea in my William Morris mug,writing the daughter of Ivor well into the night by candlelight, or watching a period drama (film) preferably one with Eddie Redmayne.There is one with him I tried to watch 'Birdsong' but the acting was too contrived, I may try it again as he is truly the most beautiful man I've ever seen.I honestly have never seen something so lovely.
I Looked at folkloreish and bohemian girls on Instagram there are so many,you think you are surrounded on all sides by Chanel bags,Yankee candles and Starbucks,but there are all these interesting girls about.I use to be,I was very bohemian in my university days,and six years ago,the ever eccentric artist, but I've changed since the brain damage and due to various other reasons,changed to by all I go through.I fear myself becoming more common.Yet I'm also more me than I've ever been.At the souls setting I'm the same,but I cannot create now as I've always done I try to paint,I try to write poetry or novels but my brain is blocked,that's a fact that I lamented all afternoon and made me suicidal.I need to be able to create and imagine vast and brilliant things as I've done all my life.I use to have thousands of ideas in my head at any one time now there is just this blank block all the time,nothing like writers block,or a block of imagination but actual neurological impairment.
I don't want to mourn for the rest of my life,my constellation was reading talented poets who died at my age,with all their brilliance coming to a close.I pretend I have died, and my room is just heavens waiting room and I have to live out a few more years there before I can go on to something better.I watch the beast transform in beauty and the beast and think my beastly life will too transform into something magical,watching the castle in it transform from a den of demons to a bright angelic shine at the end of the film.The beast all despair and anguish, then a beloved and beautiful prince.Oh I gush over fairy tales,the minute I see the words "fairy tales" I'm alight.Which reminds me I've been listening to lullabies on YouTube which I highly reccomend to anyone who is stressed, it will put you in the most peaceful place.Im going to play some now or watch birdsong, make some tea and try (emphasis on the word try) to think on fortunate afterlives in which I am epic poet and painter once more.
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