Memories of May,quotes by Keats,my ideal room
Well I'm sitting here wishing it were May or was it March when I was reading about Margaret the first (a duchess) and wishing I could write a novel on Spencer women,the Spencer's are an aristocratic English family,princess Diana is one of their descendants.I was at the time preoccupied with a novel too about an obscure English Fairy tale.I can't tell you the grief of not doing that anymore,to not feel immersed in it all,to not be able to think on it or be inspired,it gives me so much longing.I don't feel that I have died,however my soul still stirs for all of it when I am able to remember it,I just can't place it in my mind or think through it.May was just so happy,I must read my old May entries on here.I was watching atonement every night I was getting completely swept up in it and browsing Fortnum and Mason all day looking at their gentlemans relish or planning very English novels.It was the most inspired time and I miss it and still feel it linger over me,lost.Which does remind me if anyone wants to buy me a little fortnums charm I would be so grateful (hehe) this one or this one,that old fashioned store makes me so very happy.
So I'm drinking my tea wishing for times gone by when I was so inspired everyday and happy whilst I'm still enjoying the very festive feelings I currently have.I was always before the brain injury in a dream world,always flying on fancies and I don't know how to yet be in this more blank world.I wonder to myself why this didn't happen to someone with no imagination who would have never noticed the difference.I am watching girly YouTube videos,since I can't study,immerse and write novels,create etc I end up watching videos on YouTube.I don't know how people were ever satisfied by such things.I truly wish for my life back.To quote Keats 'I am half in love with easeful death' - anything to return to who I was.
I long for a room with dark sage walls,framed prints,handmade wooden jewellery box,portraits I've painted on the wall,book of folklore on the beside table and a wooden radio.Im terribly old fashioned.Ive been wanting to do some online shopping for summer clothes and just pretty things but really I need handmade things I think because most fashion is abhorable to me and stores like h and m are just nothing but junk,all the online stores sell horrid things.I think I will get a few day dresses in Indian cotton with mother of pearl buttons made for me on etsy,just simple and classic.Its truly like being a 19th century girl that fell into a well and ended up in this awful modern times.I don't like anything modern except the World Wide Web and washing machines.Both of which I could live without.I would like to make a ratatouille when I'm well and can eat more,I've been reminiscing about 2011 too gosh it seemed like such a pivotal and important time,my old life,my old haunts,I listened to top ten songs of the time that I remembered,lots of Rhianna it's amazing how it stirs that time and the feelings of that time.I suddenly hated this period I'm in now as if I didn't already.If I was well and the brain injury and other burdens never happened this would have been a beautiful time for me I've thought that for weeks.
So I'm drinking my tea wishing for times gone by when I was so inspired everyday and happy whilst I'm still enjoying the very festive feelings I currently have.I was always before the brain injury in a dream world,always flying on fancies and I don't know how to yet be in this more blank world.I wonder to myself why this didn't happen to someone with no imagination who would have never noticed the difference.I am watching girly YouTube videos,since I can't study,immerse and write novels,create etc I end up watching videos on YouTube.I don't know how people were ever satisfied by such things.I truly wish for my life back.To quote Keats 'I am half in love with easeful death' - anything to return to who I was.
I long for a room with dark sage walls,framed prints,handmade wooden jewellery box,portraits I've painted on the wall,book of folklore on the beside table and a wooden radio.Im terribly old fashioned.Ive been wanting to do some online shopping for summer clothes and just pretty things but really I need handmade things I think because most fashion is abhorable to me and stores like h and m are just nothing but junk,all the online stores sell horrid things.I think I will get a few day dresses in Indian cotton with mother of pearl buttons made for me on etsy,just simple and classic.Its truly like being a 19th century girl that fell into a well and ended up in this awful modern times.I don't like anything modern except the World Wide Web and washing machines.Both of which I could live without.I would like to make a ratatouille when I'm well and can eat more,I've been reminiscing about 2011 too gosh it seemed like such a pivotal and important time,my old life,my old haunts,I listened to top ten songs of the time that I remembered,lots of Rhianna it's amazing how it stirs that time and the feelings of that time.I suddenly hated this period I'm in now as if I didn't already.If I was well and the brain injury and other burdens never happened this would have been a beautiful time for me I've thought that for weeks.
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