Classic things,old journals,feeling the Christmas spirit

Well I'm looking at denim overalls,such a classic I love it with a nice white bodysuit underneath.I just adore anything classic right now and am going through once again what I call my Annie from father of the bride moments.I truly have two personalities ; a wild poet and free spirit,a romantic and artistic temprement and then a side that is completely old fashioned,wholesome,girlish,loves everything coordinated and classic,bookish,mumsy.I truly adore both sides.I could never pick a side.Im still reading my decades old journals in the morning, I prefer who I've become but without the terrible burdens my gosh,to still have my vivid mind.I can say in all faith I've had such a marvellous life though,to me at least, it's not what I wanted but it was exciting,full of love,full of remarkable moments but my gosh it was the most tumultuous and devastating journey too.I act as if I'm writing my own eulogy,maybe it's end of year reflections but I think nearly everyday I've had a marvellous life full of high moments.I became someone I truly love being this year,I feel so self assured,like I know exactly who I am,I suppose that all comes with age.I did many times reading my journals think to my early twenties self don't do that,please don't do what you're going to do.

I think in this current bewildered state of looking at all my pictures of leather journals,Shakespeare,Edwardian gals,Celtic myths and sagas,country houses,Russian ballet,antique family photos,folk costumes trying to comprehend it and take it in,I'm going to really need some long therapy sessions to piece myself back together again.For months since this brain damage I've tried to remain who I was without any counselling or help,but I think I need to definately work slowly and gently with someone to adjust and be again.I am high in faith and still do as I've always done.But gosh I need wise counsel,I spoke with my very loving cousins on Monday and I found it helped me so much,we really need each other on this often grim earth.My brain seems to be improving significantly this afternoon.Im still in a Christmas cosy mood listening to Xmas songs all day,going to wear my new red dress on Christmas Day and hopefully I'll be able to eat.I ended up buying all my Xmas presents on etsy,I really encourage anyone to buy all their gifts from little businesses on etsy,it feels so much more special and you can get very personalised gifts.I find I want nothing much,I am hoping for some denim overalls and a leather saddle bag.I would not mind this doll,I would really love that doll.

I've been having a good day today,looking at mulled Christmas cider,looking at pretty clothes.I bought my mum a beautiful timeless rose gold bracelet with her initials.I cooked,and this afternoon I will watch hallmark Christmas movies again and try and keep my spirits up.I used Facebook a bit,I really like Facebook but I use it every few months id like to update more with pictures of cottages and poems.I visit wedding forums and wish I was getting engaged on Xmas eve,I can't help it its such a snug thought.But truly life is so hard atm that just to have one or two happy days is enough,I'm more in love with life than I was a few days ago.I think I'm always in love with life, it's just my burdens I can't bear.
Well I'm off to have my tea and maybe some jersey caramels,oh it's raining.I hope the season is being kind to you.