Royal lives,Serious scholars and poets,beloved celts
Well I studied the royals and watched many videos on them on YouTube,Camilla the mistress,Diana ever suffering Virgin queen,Charles the budding King it's nice to see such ancient roles still being honoured and revered I like to see the public in the streets celebrating it all as if it were 1416.I watched an expert on the royals who is a professor of history,that's all she studies the royals,how wonderful I thought.She had such passion for her subject,she was an antiquated looking redhead.I felt such utter pangs,such heartbreak,such sorrow and yearning that I was not at university studying my beloved celts,I felt true envy for this woman immersed in her history studies.I don't think I have ever wanted anything more in life (this includes getting married and getting a cottage) than I have wanted the MA in Celtic studies from the University of Wales.I felt such dire hope of having it,of everyday studying the mythological cycles,Senchán Torpéist
,The Mabinogion,welsh saints like Saint creirwy I have never wanted anything more.I have never read a book as wholeheartedly as I did Sharon paice mcleods "Celtic Myth and religion".
Now my brain doesn't work as well since the damage,thinking is harder, I have to truly search my mind and memory for thoughts and answers, I realise now how much a thinker I was.I feel so very frustrated everyday at being unable to think or remember the subjects I was passionate about and unable to roll them over in my mind.I realised so much that that was what I mostly did all the time - think.Though the last few months before all this I took to daydreaming and romantic fancies instead.But my gosh I want to be immersed in my Celtic studies again as I was,my soulful passion for it has not wavered though my mind has.
I can just see myself living in a little cottage in the deepest snowdonia in Wales, or maybe in Pembroke where my ancestors lived,learning middle welsh and studying my Celtic Studies,a kettle on the stove going off and twenty cups of tea whilst I go through all the myths and ancient passages,heater going,shortbread biscuits baking.I had this thought all January and February but I was much more alight in it,I was there,everything evoked then.Now it's just a vague feeling.I will never let my heart know it's all an impossibility.
I think if I was not a bewildered and broken shamaness,I would be poetess and Celtic scholar deep in the welsh countryside for sure! I would commit completely to that.I really do long for other lives in which my hopes are fulfilled,God knows it now feels nothing is possible for me and how do I live with that? Poems don't come,especially now my thinking is so halted,I don't have ideas.I can neither afford nor have my brilliant mind any longer for my Celtic studies.I still have a myriad of problems.Is it any wonder I resolve to linger on love instead (loves a nice place to dwell) or sit there with the pieces of my puzzling life and try to place them together each episode,each part of the mythology into something beautiful.My life seems just some fateful game I was thrown into and all I can do is wait my turn for a life in which I can pursue all I longed for.I try and think of novels now and it's all blank, not of the writers block variety but actual brain block now,can't evoke,can't imagine,so I can't write my poems.Its all devastating.I was never lost for ideas before.This is becoming a sadder tale each year but gosh one day I shall be passionate poet once more and hang my MA in Celtic studies bright up on the wall.Rhymes.
,The Mabinogion,welsh saints like Saint creirwy I have never wanted anything more.I have never read a book as wholeheartedly as I did Sharon paice mcleods "Celtic Myth and religion".
Now my brain doesn't work as well since the damage,thinking is harder, I have to truly search my mind and memory for thoughts and answers, I realise now how much a thinker I was.I feel so very frustrated everyday at being unable to think or remember the subjects I was passionate about and unable to roll them over in my mind.I realised so much that that was what I mostly did all the time - think.Though the last few months before all this I took to daydreaming and romantic fancies instead.But my gosh I want to be immersed in my Celtic studies again as I was,my soulful passion for it has not wavered though my mind has.
I can just see myself living in a little cottage in the deepest snowdonia in Wales, or maybe in Pembroke where my ancestors lived,learning middle welsh and studying my Celtic Studies,a kettle on the stove going off and twenty cups of tea whilst I go through all the myths and ancient passages,heater going,shortbread biscuits baking.I had this thought all January and February but I was much more alight in it,I was there,everything evoked then.Now it's just a vague feeling.I will never let my heart know it's all an impossibility.
I think if I was not a bewildered and broken shamaness,I would be poetess and Celtic scholar deep in the welsh countryside for sure! I would commit completely to that.I really do long for other lives in which my hopes are fulfilled,God knows it now feels nothing is possible for me and how do I live with that? Poems don't come,especially now my thinking is so halted,I don't have ideas.I can neither afford nor have my brilliant mind any longer for my Celtic studies.I still have a myriad of problems.Is it any wonder I resolve to linger on love instead (loves a nice place to dwell) or sit there with the pieces of my puzzling life and try to place them together each episode,each part of the mythology into something beautiful.My life seems just some fateful game I was thrown into and all I can do is wait my turn for a life in which I can pursue all I longed for.I try and think of novels now and it's all blank, not of the writers block variety but actual brain block now,can't evoke,can't imagine,so I can't write my poems.Its all devastating.I was never lost for ideas before.This is becoming a sadder tale each year but gosh one day I shall be passionate poet once more and hang my MA in Celtic studies bright up on the wall.Rhymes.
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