Spiritual awakenings,minds and hearts,fearlessness
Posted 09-02-2017 at 01:22 PM by Katiethegreat
Well I finished my book on bipolar,he speaks a lot about manic episodes,psychosis my gosh it caused me to reflect on my episodes deeply,he viewed his one episode which required hospitalisation as this sacred experience that has completely shaped his life,he honoured it so much and with such fearlessness about it that I was taken aback and forced to look at all my episodes which I had rejected as too baffling,too traumatic,something psychiatry wants you to suppress and get rid of.I was drawn instead to look at them as these profound sacred experiences,and to tell the truth my experiences were not that scary and not that traumatic,they were entirely magical experiences,extremely moving - sitting at a table in which hundreds of words appeared and drawing up each word to compose mystical poems with the gods every line more devastating than the next.it was standing in McDonald's,some otherworld energy climbing through my body that I thought was a gift from the ancient Picts and feeling it flood over me making me feel like I was filled with a powerful electricity and creativity that could do anything.It was feeling hordes of Celtic men,incredible foreign music that seemed to be blaring loudly out of cars,and seeing beautiful painterly visions of mermaids all across the floors.
If only there was some way to remember it all,to write it all down,the sacred secrets that unravel in these episodes is astonishing it just comes and comes and you can hardly catch it,to journey safely and bring back all the finds I would have loved to have done so.I worried and mourned all morning that maybe with this brain damage I'd never journey again,deep feelings that the meds had destroyed me as a person,even coming off them is not an option with each attempt I get greater withdrawl and greater damage,I cannot risk it.So here I am stuck on these drugs that destroyed me and have made my brain fragile,broken and brittle.
Also in the book he speaks with Peruvian shamans who tell him in the west "You have so much, and yet nobody is connected. Everyone is alone.” and says also, “Your minds are much more developed than ours, but your hearts are not developed at all." It just seems in the west we put so much emphasis on the mind now that we have forgotten our souls,hearts and bodies.I spent the whole day yesterday just thinking about this book and thinking about spiritual awakenings,many people in them believe they have died including the author and that happened to me also,I thought I was on all these different planes or levels of the afterlife in my episode,I thought I was in heaven,it's so important that others write about their experiences so people don't feel isolated and sinking.If I had read this book there is a good chance I wouldn't have taken the meds in February and ended up with this devastating brain injury. I might have taken a different path.I was able to think again all yesterday it was wonderful,but today it's like drilling for gold to get thoughts.
One thing I took away from it all was that he was fearless, he was not afraid of his experiences and wanted to pass through them and be transformed and that is what I feel now.I ache for spiritual and sacred experiences,I regret the climate of fear I was in when I took the meds,I want my intuition at full brim again,unhindered,I cannot stand these meds at all.I feel desperately sad that I don't know the full meaning or depths of my experiences - a beautiful vision I had of me as an African horned goddess and a dream of the same kind that followed it,I feel that alot of wisdom,transformation and depth has just been lost.Such incredible things revealed to me and I haven't received them, it all makes me so sad,that it's all still being ignored and repressed.Thats what psychiatry is about fear and repression.
If only there was some way to remember it all,to write it all down,the sacred secrets that unravel in these episodes is astonishing it just comes and comes and you can hardly catch it,to journey safely and bring back all the finds I would have loved to have done so.I worried and mourned all morning that maybe with this brain damage I'd never journey again,deep feelings that the meds had destroyed me as a person,even coming off them is not an option with each attempt I get greater withdrawl and greater damage,I cannot risk it.So here I am stuck on these drugs that destroyed me and have made my brain fragile,broken and brittle.
Also in the book he speaks with Peruvian shamans who tell him in the west "You have so much, and yet nobody is connected. Everyone is alone.” and says also, “Your minds are much more developed than ours, but your hearts are not developed at all." It just seems in the west we put so much emphasis on the mind now that we have forgotten our souls,hearts and bodies.I spent the whole day yesterday just thinking about this book and thinking about spiritual awakenings,many people in them believe they have died including the author and that happened to me also,I thought I was on all these different planes or levels of the afterlife in my episode,I thought I was in heaven,it's so important that others write about their experiences so people don't feel isolated and sinking.If I had read this book there is a good chance I wouldn't have taken the meds in February and ended up with this devastating brain injury. I might have taken a different path.I was able to think again all yesterday it was wonderful,but today it's like drilling for gold to get thoughts.
One thing I took away from it all was that he was fearless, he was not afraid of his experiences and wanted to pass through them and be transformed and that is what I feel now.I ache for spiritual and sacred experiences,I regret the climate of fear I was in when I took the meds,I want my intuition at full brim again,unhindered,I cannot stand these meds at all.I feel desperately sad that I don't know the full meaning or depths of my experiences - a beautiful vision I had of me as an African horned goddess and a dream of the same kind that followed it,I feel that alot of wisdom,transformation and depth has just been lost.Such incredible things revealed to me and I haven't received them, it all makes me so sad,that it's all still being ignored and repressed.Thats what psychiatry is about fear and repression.
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