Cold dim weeks,traditional healing and the romance of Italy.
It's been the hardest few weeks I was barely coping,I spent nights cold and confused just after such cosy months full of phantasms and happinesses it has been the hardest fearful few weeks.I still can't quite see a way out of this time.He feels close which helps everything.I want nothing more than to return to Febuary,writing novels,looking at cottages in the countryside,looking at fortnum and masons,watching films. I felt fragile and anxious.
Im doing better the past few days,I'm still battling my illness and that's the main thing causing me grief because there is no way around it. I am in a spiritual mode though where I read about how fearless Celtic Warriors were,their belief in reincarnation was so paramount that they didn't fear death or anything just seeing everything in constant transformation from one body to the next,they were completely fearless.I felt like that for a few days I just let go of life and let everything happen to me.Some days I just want to be safe,cosy,warm,loved,fulfilled I want a somewhat normal life very much,no more trauma and troubles.Other days I thank the universe for my deep existence,I want to fly high,I feel gratitude for all I've been through as it brought me so much wisdom and depths.
I've been thinking of my oma(grandmother) again and have been looking a little into Germanic things because of her which ties to Norse things like the poetica Eddas I'm reading Völuspá it's a poem by a volva.I also watched these two videos the way of the leopard (I watched all his videos on youtube,he works as a shaman in the tribe I'm from) and this traditional healing animation and I was so moved as I was thinking a lot of traditional healing lately,and if it would help me as I've exhausted all the paths I can cross and need to take a new turn.I'm very torn between the Christianity I was raised with and the amagquirra(shamaness/traditional healer) dreams I've had to pursue that path from my own ancestral tradition.Would it mend things,I don't know but how long can I carry on like this.Still feel fateful about everything that everything that's ever happened to me is set up to tell a story to weave a marvellous tale interwoven with other people's personal legends.
Listened to some soothing Norah jones: "come away with me",wouldn't it be nice to just drive off into the sunset.I want to make a beautiful paella and sing songs and slow dance,oh life I miss you.I seem to be a bit in an Italian mode too looking at Masked carnivals in Venice,thinking of the romance of those Italian cities and life in Italy.Wishing I could elope to Florence.
Read some toko pa (tokopa.com) you really can tell she is the child of two poets she says:
"There is a wildness under our skin which wants nothing more than to dance until our feet are sore, sing our beautiful grief into the rafters, and offer our bottomless cup of creativity as a way of life. Originality is really the practice of unhindering what’s already there. By originality, I mean that Grandmother Well, from which every human being drinks. That which is dreaming us. You might call it god, nature, source, instinct, but whatever word you use, it is the great unfolding through us.
This is not a time for modesty. Take a page from the book of Nature, which is blooming and buzzing and proliferating with abandon. Let yourself be expressed as the earth is, with a generosity that comes from encountering your own plenty."
Venice.
Im doing better the past few days,I'm still battling my illness and that's the main thing causing me grief because there is no way around it. I am in a spiritual mode though where I read about how fearless Celtic Warriors were,their belief in reincarnation was so paramount that they didn't fear death or anything just seeing everything in constant transformation from one body to the next,they were completely fearless.I felt like that for a few days I just let go of life and let everything happen to me.Some days I just want to be safe,cosy,warm,loved,fulfilled I want a somewhat normal life very much,no more trauma and troubles.Other days I thank the universe for my deep existence,I want to fly high,I feel gratitude for all I've been through as it brought me so much wisdom and depths.
I've been thinking of my oma(grandmother) again and have been looking a little into Germanic things because of her which ties to Norse things like the poetica Eddas I'm reading Völuspá it's a poem by a volva.I also watched these two videos the way of the leopard (I watched all his videos on youtube,he works as a shaman in the tribe I'm from) and this traditional healing animation and I was so moved as I was thinking a lot of traditional healing lately,and if it would help me as I've exhausted all the paths I can cross and need to take a new turn.I'm very torn between the Christianity I was raised with and the amagquirra(shamaness/traditional healer) dreams I've had to pursue that path from my own ancestral tradition.Would it mend things,I don't know but how long can I carry on like this.Still feel fateful about everything that everything that's ever happened to me is set up to tell a story to weave a marvellous tale interwoven with other people's personal legends.
Listened to some soothing Norah jones: "come away with me",wouldn't it be nice to just drive off into the sunset.I want to make a beautiful paella and sing songs and slow dance,oh life I miss you.I seem to be a bit in an Italian mode too looking at Masked carnivals in Venice,thinking of the romance of those Italian cities and life in Italy.Wishing I could elope to Florence.
Read some toko pa (tokopa.com) you really can tell she is the child of two poets she says:
"There is a wildness under our skin which wants nothing more than to dance until our feet are sore, sing our beautiful grief into the rafters, and offer our bottomless cup of creativity as a way of life. Originality is really the practice of unhindering what’s already there. By originality, I mean that Grandmother Well, from which every human being drinks. That which is dreaming us. You might call it god, nature, source, instinct, but whatever word you use, it is the great unfolding through us.
This is not a time for modesty. Take a page from the book of Nature, which is blooming and buzzing and proliferating with abandon. Let yourself be expressed as the earth is, with a generosity that comes from encountering your own plenty."
Venice.
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