Cathedrals of consumerism,glum day,musing on markets
I cannot tell if the day
Is ending, or the world, or if
The secret of secrets is inside me again.
- Anna Akhmatova
Sad night but I slept,I woke up twenty times but I slept,still in a spiritual state and it makes me lose all interest in shopping and all the other pursuits people seem to busy themselves with,I suppose the soul is somewhat satisfied so it doesn't yearn for things.But a few pretty things can be nice to have,I saw some beautiful little perfumes yesterday, but not natural.Thought about red alot last night ,felt as if he was the most sacred thing that ever happened to me.I thought about the Picts too - those blue painted ancients of the isles I imagined them in procession with grand music playing.Felt very ill all day and don't know how I get on,just need relief from it all,it's too much today.Having a battle with the dark and light side of my nature - the wisdom of the dark esoteric mysteries on one hand and the light of heaven on the other.The way out really is through, and I have gained so much knowledge last year about meeting the darkness.Having a glum day really,not as magical as a few other days I had last week.There is just this sense of needing a sacred dream or something to balm the trials of life,something to transform it into wisdom I can give to myself and others.Maybe just a need for life to be magical and animated,I walk into the malls and feel such utter emptiness around me there,you want someone to blare sacred songs through those cathedrals of consumerism and everyone to drop their bags and walk out,maybe dance in the streets instead.Wouldnt that be nice.Its just the illness too taking its complete toll on me.I too want to be walking through markets with a basket,buying fruit with my husband and going home to blossom.Instead of all this suffering.I am glad though that I know the tune of my life what's being sung and said and why.I wish so much for a trusted voice to clear the path and lead the way out or back into the darkness.I have no more to say today,much too much to cope with and brave.
Is ending, or the world, or if
The secret of secrets is inside me again.
- Anna Akhmatova
Sad night but I slept,I woke up twenty times but I slept,still in a spiritual state and it makes me lose all interest in shopping and all the other pursuits people seem to busy themselves with,I suppose the soul is somewhat satisfied so it doesn't yearn for things.But a few pretty things can be nice to have,I saw some beautiful little perfumes yesterday, but not natural.Thought about red alot last night ,felt as if he was the most sacred thing that ever happened to me.I thought about the Picts too - those blue painted ancients of the isles I imagined them in procession with grand music playing.Felt very ill all day and don't know how I get on,just need relief from it all,it's too much today.Having a battle with the dark and light side of my nature - the wisdom of the dark esoteric mysteries on one hand and the light of heaven on the other.The way out really is through, and I have gained so much knowledge last year about meeting the darkness.Having a glum day really,not as magical as a few other days I had last week.There is just this sense of needing a sacred dream or something to balm the trials of life,something to transform it into wisdom I can give to myself and others.Maybe just a need for life to be magical and animated,I walk into the malls and feel such utter emptiness around me there,you want someone to blare sacred songs through those cathedrals of consumerism and everyone to drop their bags and walk out,maybe dance in the streets instead.Wouldnt that be nice.Its just the illness too taking its complete toll on me.I too want to be walking through markets with a basket,buying fruit with my husband and going home to blossom.Instead of all this suffering.I am glad though that I know the tune of my life what's being sung and said and why.I wish so much for a trusted voice to clear the path and lead the way out or back into the darkness.I have no more to say today,much too much to cope with and brave.
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