Ptsd
Posted 12-21-2016 at 03:11 PM by jimrich
I have worked long and hard on my early childhood unhappiness, pain and TRAUMAS and at a kind of ending.
Yesterday, while on a long walk out of doors, I came to see just how the PTSD of our dad had set me up to live with the relentless burden of PTSD for most of my early life.
The combination of my older brother's violent hatred and jealousy of my plus our dad's occasional violent outburst left me in a permanent state of fear, anxiety, depression and an early desire to commit suicide but couldn't figure out how to do it in a painless way!
I can now see who most if not all of my disturbing and neurotic behaviors were directly connected to the Stresses that my parents and brother imposed on me from day one but I have yet to comprehend the Spiritual reasons for what happened in our very sick family - assuming there are any Spiritual reasons.
I could itemize all the violence and trauma that occured up to the day our Monster dad packed up his stuff and drove away - never to return when I was about 16.
I was so extremely happy to see that f***ing bastard leave and now I can see what PTSD did to him and his family BUT there was no therapy or help for guys like him whom society deemed as "normal".
In an effort to stop my own insanity, I entered therapy and 12 step support groups at about 48 (I'm 79 now) and have succeeded in reducing much of the bottled up trauma from my own childhood in a very messed up, traumatized and Shame-based family.
Yesterday, while on a long walk out of doors, I came to see just how the PTSD of our dad had set me up to live with the relentless burden of PTSD for most of my early life.
The combination of my older brother's violent hatred and jealousy of my plus our dad's occasional violent outburst left me in a permanent state of fear, anxiety, depression and an early desire to commit suicide but couldn't figure out how to do it in a painless way!
I can now see who most if not all of my disturbing and neurotic behaviors were directly connected to the Stresses that my parents and brother imposed on me from day one but I have yet to comprehend the Spiritual reasons for what happened in our very sick family - assuming there are any Spiritual reasons.
I could itemize all the violence and trauma that occured up to the day our Monster dad packed up his stuff and drove away - never to return when I was about 16.
I was so extremely happy to see that f***ing bastard leave and now I can see what PTSD did to him and his family BUT there was no therapy or help for guys like him whom society deemed as "normal".
In an effort to stop my own insanity, I entered therapy and 12 step support groups at about 48 (I'm 79 now) and have succeeded in reducing much of the bottled up trauma from my own childhood in a very messed up, traumatized and Shame-based family.
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Comments
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The amazing side of your story is this, you are 79 now so all the pain and suffering did not kill you but made you stronger. It made you strong enough to live long into the elder years and be able to share your story. It wasn't for nothing, I found it and read it and you may like to know I am a Student in the Bachelors of Psychology program. I want to work with soldiers and families who are effected by PTSD. Thank you for not giving up and thank you for sharing.Posted 06-23-2019 at 05:41 PM by muchtolearn47
