This blog is an open detailing of my recovery from an intense emotional affair. It has been said that in order to recover from an affair, whether physical or not, one must not be afraid to write down feelings. By being open with my feelings and not hiding them anymore, I am making a effort to hold myself accountable for my affair. This is an ongoing recovery and I have no clue how it will play out. But I need to share, to process what I've done, and to learn how to forgive myself.
In Limbo
Posted 10-17-2015 at 05:28 PM by April R
So OG did write me back. He says he still has more to say, but what he did send was more than I expected. I was so happy he took the time to send anything.
My hope is our relationship evolves from an EA to a no strings attached friendship. He used the word platonic, but that doesn't really fit since the attraction is there and has already been expressed on both sides, but we can both exercise self control. It's the most respectful thing we can do for each other, our spouses, and ourselves.
So as of now whatever it is we are is up in the air, but it isn't lost. He is someone I never thought I'd know, but now that I do it would be dishonest to deny we have feelings. I think being honest with myself is paramount if I want to move past the uncertainty and obsession. If I know and trust he isn't going to completely dismiss me I am free to focus on my marriage and husband. I told him he always has me if he needs me.
I feel very good about how this is playing out. If we both focus on our families and are there as support for each other it can only be for our benefit. I honestly think pretending we don't mean anything would prolong the feeling of loss and I know I would panic and wouldn't be able to let go. This way establishing ground rules that keep us from being inappropriate and helping each other refocus on our spouses is the best solution.
I may be naive or overly optimistic, but I believe this is going to work. I don't have to lose OG and he doesn't have to lose me. We are too good for each other and we need to put aside our pride and urges if we really care about each other's happiness. It's what I would do for any friend.
My hope is our relationship evolves from an EA to a no strings attached friendship. He used the word platonic, but that doesn't really fit since the attraction is there and has already been expressed on both sides, but we can both exercise self control. It's the most respectful thing we can do for each other, our spouses, and ourselves.
So as of now whatever it is we are is up in the air, but it isn't lost. He is someone I never thought I'd know, but now that I do it would be dishonest to deny we have feelings. I think being honest with myself is paramount if I want to move past the uncertainty and obsession. If I know and trust he isn't going to completely dismiss me I am free to focus on my marriage and husband. I told him he always has me if he needs me.
I feel very good about how this is playing out. If we both focus on our families and are there as support for each other it can only be for our benefit. I honestly think pretending we don't mean anything would prolong the feeling of loss and I know I would panic and wouldn't be able to let go. This way establishing ground rules that keep us from being inappropriate and helping each other refocus on our spouses is the best solution.
I may be naive or overly optimistic, but I believe this is going to work. I don't have to lose OG and he doesn't have to lose me. We are too good for each other and we need to put aside our pride and urges if we really care about each other's happiness. It's what I would do for any friend.
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