This blog is an open detailing of my recovery from an intense emotional affair. It has been said that in order to recover from an affair, whether physical or not, one must not be afraid to write down feelings. By being open with my feelings and not hiding them anymore, I am making a effort to hold myself accountable for my affair. This is an ongoing recovery and I have no clue how it will play out. But I need to share, to process what I've done, and to learn how to forgive myself.
What I Want Him to Know
Posted 10-16-2015 at 06:28 PM by April R
Today I wrote OG and gave him the option of being the one to contact me. If he doesn't I told him I'd interpret that as he no longer has feelings for me and doesn't want me in his life. I can't keep making a fool out of myself. He knows I love him, he knows I'll be here if he needs me. I can't make it any clearer. We've decided to be loyal to our spouses, but for me that doesn't mean completely cutting him out of my life. I can't give up on someone I love. I can't do it to my family or friends no matter what they might say or do to me, and I am not going to treat him any differently. I just want to know what he feels about me, the complete and honest truth even if it isn't what he thinks I want to hear.
I want him to know I never fell so hard for a guy so quickly. I want him to know I love my husband, but I also love him and I don't know how that's possible but it is now my reality. I want him to know I will only hang on so long before I finally give up trying to keep him, but I will not stop loving him. I want him to understand how very serious I am about him. I want him to know I need his complete honesty even if he thinks it will hurt me. I want him to know it hurts more to be pushed away and ignored than it would to hear he never loved me or has stopped loving me if that is the truth.
I just want him to know me, but it's all up to him now.
I want him to know I never fell so hard for a guy so quickly. I want him to know I love my husband, but I also love him and I don't know how that's possible but it is now my reality. I want him to know I will only hang on so long before I finally give up trying to keep him, but I will not stop loving him. I want him to understand how very serious I am about him. I want him to know I need his complete honesty even if he thinks it will hurt me. I want him to know it hurts more to be pushed away and ignored than it would to hear he never loved me or has stopped loving me if that is the truth.
I just want him to know me, but it's all up to him now.
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