This blog is an open detailing of my recovery from an intense emotional affair. It has been said that in order to recover from an affair, whether physical or not, one must not be afraid to write down feelings. By being open with my feelings and not hiding them anymore, I am making a effort to hold myself accountable for my affair. This is an ongoing recovery and I have no clue how it will play out. But I need to share, to process what I've done, and to learn how to forgive myself.
I Want to Talk to Him
I read on a post that OG hadn't been feeling well. I didn't know because we had agreed to give each other space. We had also agreed to be just friends. But friends talk and friends are there for each other when they aren't feeling well. How can I be his friend if we can't talk anymore? My heart sank reading he wasn't well and may need to see a doctor and I'm not able to be supportive. I still care about him. I wish he'd talk to me. We haven't spoken since Tuesday and we used to message or talk multiple times a day. I told him I'd leave him alone until next Friday since I'm trying to do the right thing but reading about him not feeling well and this all happening around the time I confessed the EA to my husband I can't help but think it is somehow my fault.
I don't know if I should talk to him, wait until next Friday, or leave him alone unless he wants to contact me. I'm thinking the last option is best. Maybe I'm not good for him even as a friend. I want to make him chicken soup and rub his shoulders and take care of him. But I'm not able to and it kills me. If he wants to have me in his life it needs to be his choice and I cannot force myself on him anymore. I'm starting to think keeping him in any capacity is hopeless. I don't think he wants me at all anymore. I had friend requested him on FB for the third time, since the first time I unfriended him when he said he couldn't make me any promises when it came to a physical arrangement and I got upset and was immature. The second time was after talking with my bishop and his suggestion I take OG off any social media I had him on, but I requested he add me back.
He said he was exhausted from the back and forth and wouldn't add me back and that it's just FB. He doesn't understand that while it may just be FB, it's the only way for me to see that he is still ok without me having to contact him. Without that connection it's pretty much clear that I have no place in his life. I want to be upset about that, but I'm not, I'm just very very sad. I wish he'd understand that and care enough to add me back. It's just a small gesture but it would mean the world to me.
I don't know if I should talk to him, wait until next Friday, or leave him alone unless he wants to contact me. I'm thinking the last option is best. Maybe I'm not good for him even as a friend. I want to make him chicken soup and rub his shoulders and take care of him. But I'm not able to and it kills me. If he wants to have me in his life it needs to be his choice and I cannot force myself on him anymore. I'm starting to think keeping him in any capacity is hopeless. I don't think he wants me at all anymore. I had friend requested him on FB for the third time, since the first time I unfriended him when he said he couldn't make me any promises when it came to a physical arrangement and I got upset and was immature. The second time was after talking with my bishop and his suggestion I take OG off any social media I had him on, but I requested he add me back.
He said he was exhausted from the back and forth and wouldn't add me back and that it's just FB. He doesn't understand that while it may just be FB, it's the only way for me to see that he is still ok without me having to contact him. Without that connection it's pretty much clear that I have no place in his life. I want to be upset about that, but I'm not, I'm just very very sad. I wish he'd understand that and care enough to add me back. It's just a small gesture but it would mean the world to me.
Total Comments 4
Comments
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I was almost in a full-blown EA relationship a few years ago. My wife and I went through a rough spot and the potential EA was one of the results. Looking back, I'm sure it was a contributor, as well. The potential EA ended badly and, as a result, my wife and I recommitted to each other. That was a few years ago and I'm happier in my marriage now than ever. HONEST communication was the big hurdle we had to get over.
The hardest part was when my wife told me "I just want my husband back." It broke my heart. By engaging with another person, I had removed the best parts of myself from my relationship with my wife without even realizing I was doing so. That realization was horrible.
I'm sure you've done this already, but play this out to the conclusion. Ask yourself what the end game is. Where do you want to be in a year or so and how do you get there?
Make sure you take into account your family, his family, etc.
If you conclude that you want to stay true to your relationship with your hubby, the only way to do that is time and distance, which is exactly the same formula for any breakup.
Do I think the OG has feelings for you? Sure. But keep in mind, many guys (not all!) are able to compartmentalize. Being able to separate emotions for you from the emotions for his family makes it easier for him to manage. It would also make it a little easier to walk away from the EA. That's not to say he wouldn't be affected, but would explain, perhaps, why you may be affected more.Posted 10-16-2015 at 07:59 AM by reds37win
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You should be a therapist because I think you have it exactly right. I wish I knew how much time. I broke down and messaged him today because I was feeling really upset about a mean thing someone said about my looks, and I asked him to please respond. He did, I was so happy. I need to leave him alone but he is such a good guy I don't want to lose him completely.Quote:Originally Posted by reds37win
I was almost in a full-blown EA relationship a few years ago. My wife and I went through a rough spot and the potential EA was one of the results. Looking back, I'm sure it was a contributor, as well. The potential EA ended badly and, as a result, my wife and I recommitted to each other. That was a few years ago and I'm happier in my marriage now than ever. HONEST communication was the big hurdle we had to get over.
The hardest part was when my wife told me "I just want my husband back." It broke my heart. By engaging with another person, I had removed the best parts of myself from my relationship with my wife without even realizing I was doing so. That realization was horrible.
I'm sure you've done this already, but play this out to the conclusion. Ask yourself what the end game is. Where do you want to be in a year or so and how do you get there?
Make sure you take into account your family, his family, etc.
If you conclude that you want to stay true to your relationship with your hubby, the only way to do that is time and distance, which is exactly the same formula for any breakup.
Do I think the OG has feelings for you? Sure. But keep in mind, many guys (not all!) are able to compartmentalize. Being able to separate emotions for you from the emotions for his family makes it easier for him to manage. It would also make it a little easier to walk away from the EA. That's not to say he wouldn't be affected, but would explain, perhaps, why you may be affected more.
Posted 10-16-2015 at 12:20 PM by April R 
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Mean people are going to be mean and play to your insecurities. It's hard to ignore, but try not to give them the satisfaction.
The person I had my almost EA with cut me off completely and it pissed me off for awhile. Now, I know it was absolutely the right thing for them to do.
For the both of us.Posted 10-16-2015 at 01:06 PM by reds37win
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I don't want that. I wouldn't be better off if he did that.Quote:Originally Posted by reds37win
Mean people are going to be mean and play to your insecurities. It's hard to ignore, but try not to give them the satisfaction.
The person I had my almost EA with cut me off completely and it pissed me off for awhile. Now, I know it was absolutely the right thing for them to do.
For the both of us.Posted 10-16-2015 at 03:10 PM by April R
