This blog is an open detailing of my recovery from an intense emotional affair. It has been said that in order to recover from an affair, whether physical or not, one must not be afraid to write down feelings. By being open with my feelings and not hiding them anymore, I am making a effort to hold myself accountable for my affair. This is an ongoing recovery and I have no clue how it will play out. But I need to share, to process what I've done, and to learn how to forgive myself.
Dirty Thoughts
The dirty thoughts are really hardcore in my head and won't GTFO today. The Other Guy (who will now be referred to as OG), his words, his voice, and his body are my kryptonite. I keep fantasizing about what I would do to him if he ever let me. I tried getting my husband to do one particular thing OG and I discussed, and OG talked about how he would relish the chance to do my bidding. My husband did it but said he found it unpleasant. My heart sank and I teared up, but we were in the shower so he didn't notice. The rest of our night went exceptionally well, but that one thing my husband obviously didn't like that OG would have loved made it really hard to not think about how different things would be with OG.
I'm a mess.
I'm a mess.
Total Comments 3
Comments
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I know you indicated you're done with the therapist route, but what kind of therapist have you been seeing? Would it be worth it for you and your hubby to see a couples counselor? Maybe a sex therapist?
If my wife came at me with something new, two thoughts would cross my mind:
1. HELL YEAH!
and, after it was over...
2. Where did she get that idea?
I don't think you should rule out the real possibility your hubby is having a harder time with this than you imagine. At least he was willing to try, but can't help but wondering if he associated it with the OG. That would be painful.Posted 10-14-2015 at 02:40 PM by reds37win
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I straight up asked him to see a therapist about our sex life. He flat out refused, saying he didn't need a third person helping us with our sex life. This was before he knew about my EA and after I got upset with him and said he wasn't taking my need for sexual frequency seriously.Quote:Originally Posted by reds37win
I know you indicated you're done with the therapist route, but what kind of therapist have you been seeing? Would it be worth it for you and your hubby to see a couples counselor? Maybe a sex therapist?
If my wife came at me with something new, two thoughts would cross my mind:
1. HELL YEAH!
and, after it was over...
2. Where did she get that idea?
I don't think you should rule out the real possibility your hubby is having a harder time with this than you imagine. At least he was willing to try, but can't help but wondering if he associated it with the OG. That would be painful.
I didn't think about him possibly associating my idea with OG. He was pretty excited later in the night when we played an adult version of a board game because it was his idea. However, how long am I supposed to give him the reigns when it comes to sex play ideas just because I now need to be worried about him thinking it comes from OG? We'd still be stuck right where we were before the EA. With me having to wait on him being in the mood every freking time we had sex.
Posted 10-14-2015 at 04:45 PM by April R 
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P.s. I've had several individual counselors for episodic depression and PPD.Quote:Originally Posted by April R
I straight up asked him to see a therapist about our sex life. He flat out refused, saying he didn't need a third person helping us with our sex life. This was before he knew about my EA and after I got upset with him and said he wasn't taking my need for sexual frequency seriously.
I didn't think about him possibly associating my idea with OG. He was pretty excited later in the night when we played an adult version of a board game because it was his idea. However, how long am I supposed to give him the reigns when it comes to sex play ideas just because I now need to be worried about him thinking it comes from OG? We'd still be stuck right where we were before the EA. With me having to wait on him being in the mood every freking time we had sex.
We had couples counselling last year because of financial difficulties and the ensuing relationship strain.Posted 10-14-2015 at 04:47 PM by April R
