This blog is written from my personal experiences on why and how I successfully left the gay life. Because I knew my relationship with Christ and my sexual desires for the same sex couldn't mix, I had to make a choice.
I made that tough choice more than 20 years ago and in my heart I know it was the right choice. If someone truly wants out, it IS possible. There are many naysayers out there who will bog you down with their opinions. My belief is, if you want it bad enough you CAN change. It IS possible.
I made that tough choice more than 20 years ago and in my heart I know it was the right choice. If someone truly wants out, it IS possible. There are many naysayers out there who will bog you down with their opinions. My belief is, if you want it bad enough you CAN change. It IS possible.
I Finally Accepted that I was NOT Born Gay
Leaving this life of being gay, one that you've known since you were a teenager is not always going to be easy or even fun. Giving up the desires that fulfill you sexually is tough. And at times it doesn't even seem fair. Keep one thing in mind, especially during the tough times, it will get better, it will get easier with time. But you have to give it time.
When I decided to leave the gay life I couldn't find anyone on either side to support me. 'It's just the way you are', they'd say, 'just accept it, don't question it. Be who you were born to be.' The friends I had chosen to be in my life were good, true and dear friends. I valued them and enjoyed hanging out, going bowling, getting drinks out after work and so on. These people had seen me through tough times and were almost as close, if not closer than being family.
However, as all families we didn't see eye to eye on everything. We had disagreements about trivial and also serious issues. When I told a few friends I wanted to leave the life of being gay they scoffed at me and told me it wasn't possible. 'Just accept it, it's who you are,' they would say. 'It's not a choice! You can't choose to be gay or not, if it was that easy I wouldn't want this kind of life', a friend said.
Over a period of time I realized that if I wanted to be successful in leaving this life behind for good, I needed to change the group of people I spent my time with. While it wasn't easy, I knew it was necessary. Leaving my friends was not an all-at-once, going cold turkey change. It took time to weed out the ones I knew would pull me down, keep me from achieving my goal. I did lose other friends because they were angered that I thought I could just up and leave who I and they were. Gay. Like all things, when we want to make a positive change in life we need to redirect our choices on friendships.
Throughout the years I've been challenged with allowing people into my life who could potentially draw me back to the gay life. When I was in graduate school I met a guy who I suspected was, or had been gay. He had been raised in a godly Christian home, attended a Christian college and was now at a Christian university going for his graduate degree. We became good friends and would be paired in a group for a project.
We talked about the struggles of leaving that life behind. After so many years it was nice to finally have someone who I could relate to. I'd never met anyone who truly believed as I did. After grad school he got a new job and I continued on with my career. I was also busy being a full-time dad, husband. Both of our lives were full and we stayed connected through Facebook and a few times I went to his townhouse downtown to hang out. Nothing ever happened between us except a good friendship.
When visiting him I noticed that many of his friends were gay. We talked about this and he said he simply could not leave his friends. They were his family. We never fully agreed but I did respect his choice and hoped he would continue on his journey to leave the gay life behind. About a year ago I was on Facebook and noticed he'd changed his profile photo to one of him and another guy out to dinner overlooking the ocean. As I scrolled through photos he posted of his vacation I realized that he and this guy were together as a couple. It was a very difficult decision but I knew I needed to 'unfriend' him on Facebook as it would be easy for me to check out his photos, see his friends photos and make this journey more difficult for myself. In addition, and more importantly I did not want to do anything that would harm my marriage. My wife is my best friend and I value her trust. Letting go of unhealthy friendships is not easy, but of utmost importance to not only leave the gay life but to keep it out even after you've left.
When I decided to leave the gay life I couldn't find anyone on either side to support me. 'It's just the way you are', they'd say, 'just accept it, don't question it. Be who you were born to be.' The friends I had chosen to be in my life were good, true and dear friends. I valued them and enjoyed hanging out, going bowling, getting drinks out after work and so on. These people had seen me through tough times and were almost as close, if not closer than being family.
However, as all families we didn't see eye to eye on everything. We had disagreements about trivial and also serious issues. When I told a few friends I wanted to leave the life of being gay they scoffed at me and told me it wasn't possible. 'Just accept it, it's who you are,' they would say. 'It's not a choice! You can't choose to be gay or not, if it was that easy I wouldn't want this kind of life', a friend said.
Over a period of time I realized that if I wanted to be successful in leaving this life behind for good, I needed to change the group of people I spent my time with. While it wasn't easy, I knew it was necessary. Leaving my friends was not an all-at-once, going cold turkey change. It took time to weed out the ones I knew would pull me down, keep me from achieving my goal. I did lose other friends because they were angered that I thought I could just up and leave who I and they were. Gay. Like all things, when we want to make a positive change in life we need to redirect our choices on friendships.
Throughout the years I've been challenged with allowing people into my life who could potentially draw me back to the gay life. When I was in graduate school I met a guy who I suspected was, or had been gay. He had been raised in a godly Christian home, attended a Christian college and was now at a Christian university going for his graduate degree. We became good friends and would be paired in a group for a project.
We talked about the struggles of leaving that life behind. After so many years it was nice to finally have someone who I could relate to. I'd never met anyone who truly believed as I did. After grad school he got a new job and I continued on with my career. I was also busy being a full-time dad, husband. Both of our lives were full and we stayed connected through Facebook and a few times I went to his townhouse downtown to hang out. Nothing ever happened between us except a good friendship.
When visiting him I noticed that many of his friends were gay. We talked about this and he said he simply could not leave his friends. They were his family. We never fully agreed but I did respect his choice and hoped he would continue on his journey to leave the gay life behind. About a year ago I was on Facebook and noticed he'd changed his profile photo to one of him and another guy out to dinner overlooking the ocean. As I scrolled through photos he posted of his vacation I realized that he and this guy were together as a couple. It was a very difficult decision but I knew I needed to 'unfriend' him on Facebook as it would be easy for me to check out his photos, see his friends photos and make this journey more difficult for myself. In addition, and more importantly I did not want to do anything that would harm my marriage. My wife is my best friend and I value her trust. Letting go of unhealthy friendships is not easy, but of utmost importance to not only leave the gay life but to keep it out even after you've left.
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