My Long Struggle with a Tormenting Sleep Disorder

Posted 10-28-2014 at 08:02 AM by R. Crusoe
Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:09 AM by R. Crusoe

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I had a thread in the Health and Wellness forum regarding the torturous symptoms of my long term sleep disorder. I used it to get advice, suggestions on possible treatment and to record their variations, frequency and intensity as they hit me every night, so that I can gauge the illness and predict how bad it would be on a given night. It was important to me and my illness, though the moderator might not think so.

But for some unknown reason it disappeared mysteriously. I didn't ask for it to be removed. No one from CD had notified me about removing it. I don't really know what had happened to it. I can only assume that it was pulled by the moderator without my knowledge. Strange enough, it was the only one that got taken away from me. All my other threads are still there, including those which receive zero response.

It was just a thread about my illness and nothing else. There was nothing offensive in it. Few members had actually given me some thoughtful comments. There is absolutely no reason why it should be removed from the forum. There is no justification for its removal. It wasn't a new thread. I'd used it for quite some time already. Why now? Why didn't it get removed earlier? I wonder. The whole thing is very suspicious, to say the least.

Anyway, that's why I've decided to start this blog thinking perhaps it is a more appropriate channel for such a thing. I intend to post regularly, especially those nights which I suffer most terribly, so that I can have a medical record of how I suffer from this torturous sleep disorder, and hopefully I can learn to find a way to make it go away one day. I wish a happy ending to this blog.

I don't expect this blog to be read widely. It is more for myself and nobody else. However, feel free to post a comment or make any suggestion if you want.

Thanks in advance

BTW, I apologize in advance that I can't freely disclose or name the exact locations in my entries below for fear that it might be perceived as criticism. I can only use words like City or Country instead. Sorry for any confusion caused. Perhaps it is worth mentioning that I'm an expat working in the Far East. It may help put things in perspective. (Dec 2015)

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1. For the sake of the blog title I need to give you a little history of my long term sleep disorder. It all started suddenly one night in March 2004 when I was laying in bed trying to fall asleep. What felt like a jolt of electrocution with really intense vibration struck the back of head and shook my entire skull inside-out. If you had ever been electrocuted before, if your body had experienced that kind of shock before, you'd know what I mean. If not, you'll have to imagine it. Needless to say, it shocked my entire being to the core. I never experienced anything like it up to that moment. Words simply fail to precisely describe how I felt that night, the hurtful sensation and the unspeakable fright. It literally came out of nowhere. It felt like it was coming from the floor below, through the mattress and the pillow, then directly to my head. I know it sounds absolutely irrational. But that's how my mind was trying desperately to make sense of the horrific situation. Little did I know that it was only the beginning of a long, painful and torturous sleep disorder that I had to endure for more than ten years since then. That was the first night. It happened in March 2004. It continued to plague me every single night non-stop to this day. I haven't had a good normal sleep since that night, in which I can sleep through the entire night without being woken up once. Never!

   Posted 10-29-2014 at 06:24 AM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:35 AM by R. Crusoe

2. The last couple nights were just terribly rough. I can never quite understand what triggers the sudden surge in frequency and intensity of the symptoms, which keep waking me up at night during sleep. I was woken up four to five times last night before dawn. The last one just threw me off completely. I feel awful today. The day before was just as terrible. I have absolutely no clue why it suddenly got so rough.

   Posted 10-29-2014 at 06:38 AM by R. Crusoe Updated 04-25-2015 at 09:58 PM by R. Crusoe

3. I must stretch the fact that I was a perfectly normal, active and healthy, even happy, person before this illness struck me ten years ago. I had a normal social life; I was dating, going out at night, doing the normal things healthy people do. In fact, I was perfectly fine right up to the moment before I went to bed that night. Now I'm just feeling sick and tired everyday. My sleep disorder has practically forced me to become an unwilling recluse with no life at all. I'm a victim of this extremely cruel illness. I kept on thinking what did I do wrong to get so sick all of a sudden. Did I eat something wrong? Did I travel to any wrong places that somehow got me sick? Anything unusual happened shortly prior to this sleep disorder started? The same answer came to me time and time again. I was quite convinced that it had something to do with a short business trip I took, but I just couldn't identify a physical connection.

   Posted 10-30-2014 at 06:46 AM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:34 AM by R. Crusoe

4. Shortly before I got sick in March 2004, I was sent to attend a business meeting in the Far East at the end of Feb. The meeting took place in a Northern City of that Country. It was a bit snowy and cold. The trip lasted for only three days. It was all fine until the final night I was there. I remember having spicy food at dinner in a restaurant with couple of my colleagues. I still kind of remember one guy mentioning something about how sleep deprivation was used as a tactic for torturing people. I remember finding it strange that he should mention such a thing out of the the blue. It wasn't like we were talking about anything related to it. What an unhappy coincidence now I think. Anyway, we all went back to the hotel after dinner, and things took a very strange turn that night, at least in my room anyway. The previous two nights were perfectly normal up until then. But something very wrong had happened that night. If I still remember correctly, there were loud voices from a group of men yelling just outside below the windows of my hotel room. My room was on the first floor above ground level. It was bed time. They were yelling in their own language or dialect, which I don't speak or understand at all. It kept on going sporadically for almost the entire night. Inside the hotel in the corridor right outside my room, I heard loud foot steps coming from at least two people running fast back and forth out side my door. Again, this happened sporadically. In addition to all that, I also heard loud noises from someone banging the doors in other rooms near by. It kept repeating on and off throughout the night. It was horrible to say the least. Needless to say, I had a hard time sleeping that night. I still don't know to this day what was actually happening outside my hotel room. That was the first time in my life I had trouble sleeping before the sleep disorder took hold of me later on. I left the hotel the next morning and took an early flight back to the City I came from. It was a short flight, about an hour to the South, a City by the Harbour. I thought it was all over. I put it completely behind me. It was late Feb 2004. That's where it was all started, in a Northern City of a Far Eastern Country.

   Posted 10-30-2014 at 07:00 AM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:17 AM by R. Crusoe

5. To my absolute surprise, things in my own bedroom, my own apartment in the City thousand miles away from that scary hotel, had also turned to the worst shortly after I had returned from that trip. Similar disruptive things also happened at night when I was trying to sleep. I remember hearing extremely loud bangs from either the floor or the ceiling of my bedroom. It sounded like either something heavy had dropped on the floor of the room above me, or someone was striking really hard at the ceiling of his room directly below. It happened few times during the night, and it lasted for many nights. I called the police few times complaining about it hoping they could stop it from happening. Unfortunately, it was to no avail. Then came one night in March 2004, a month or so after I returned from that trip, the trip to the Far Eastern Country, my sleep disorder struck me for the very first time in the manner mentioned above. The rest is history. This is the first time ever I mention that hotel incident to anyone. I didn't think much of it for a long long time. But recently I just can't help to suspect a connection between that and my torturous sleep disorder, however remote and unlikely it might be.

   Posted 10-30-2014 at 07:14 AM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:12 AM by R. Crusoe

6. Thinking back to the hotel incident in that Far Eastern Country, I can't help but to be amazed what extraordinary coincidence it was that someone should mention at dinner about sleep deprivation being used as a tactic to torture people, and immediately afterward that night a group of people, presumably locals of that country, should take the effort and create such disturbances using loud noises with the sole purpose to interrupt and prevent someone, either me or some other guests, in that particular hotel from having a decent night sleep. It seemed like they were trying hard to cause the very sleep deprivation the guy just mentioned couple hours earlier. What is even more amazing is that such disruptive nuisance, namely using loud noises to disturb one's night sleep, should happen in my own bedroom thousand miles away from that hotel shortly after I'd returned from that business trip. It felt like as if the same group of people who made all those noises in the hotel had followed me all the way back to my place, and somehow got my neighbors involved to do their dirty work for them. I know it is a crazy theory, but I just don't know how else to make sense of all that. So in a way, you can say that that hotel incident in the Far Eastern Country was really a precursor of my sleep disorder which started shortly after. That's where it was originated. I'm still trying to identify a physical connection between the two.

   Posted 10-31-2014 at 10:35 PM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:33 AM by R. Crusoe

7. Assuming my crazy theory is true that someone back in that hotel, back in that Far Eastern Country, did try to cause me sleep deprivation by disturbing my sleep that night, my question is why. Why would they do what they did and for what purpose? I was only a tourist on a business trip. The trip was only three days long. My colleagues were the only people I know there. I'm quite certain that I didn't cause any trouble or offend any locals when I was there. So why? I just can't figure it out. But I'm convinced that my current sleep disorder, which I've been suffering for more than ten years, has a vague connection to it somehow. Perhaps it is just all crazy thought. I don't know.

   Posted 10-31-2014 at 10:48 PM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:03 AM by R. Crusoe

8. I'd lived in that apartment for close to one and a half year by the time I went for that business trip. Throughout that period there were no loud noises at night or anything unusual. I had very good sleep during that time. However, shortly after I'd returned from the trip loud noises in various forms had become a major problem all of a sudden during my night sleep. The situation was very similar to what had happened back in that hotel. For example, by the time I got to bed there were loud voices coming from a kitchen near by. It sounded like a big fight between a mother and her daughter while doing their dishes. They were yelling hard at each other in some kind of dialect that I didn't understand. It happened almost every night around the same time. It lasted for at least an hour, it seemed, each night. Afterward in the middle of the night, the loud banging noises from either the ceiling or the floor of my bedroom, caused by presumably my neighbours directly above or below me in the manner as described earlier, had woken me up couple times during sleep. In addition to all that, it seemed that my other neighbours on the same floor next to my unit had started slamming their doors hard making very loud noise. They did that usually late at night or very early in the morning while I'm still asleep. But they certainly weren't like that before. It was very troubling. In effect my immediate surrounding had gone completely upside down shortly after I came back from the trip to that Northern City in that Far Eastern Country. It seemed that all of a sudden all of my neighbours had completely changed their usual behavior, their gentle quiet selves, within a short period of time, and became deliberately loud and noisy around and during my night sleep. It was under this horrible condition the first symptom ever of my long term sleep disorder, the jolt of electrocution that hit directly to the back of my head while I was laying in bed as mentioned previously, started one night in late March, a month or so after I came back from the business trip.

   Posted 11-01-2014 at 10:03 PM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:33 AM by R. Crusoe

9. As for the symptoms, there're quite a few. They had evolved over the last decade and become numerous. They came in various forms and sensations, all hurtful nonetheless, and could happen altogether during one night sleep. The one thing they have in common is that they're all there to wake me up at night, and to ensure that I don't get a good night sleep, and that I'll be sick and tired the next day. They're there to torture me every night for sure. Strange enough, some of the symptoms had actually occurred throughout the day as well, usually when I was sitting in my office or apartment. It is so confusing that I'm not even sure if it just sleep disorder I've been suffering. It could be a combination of few different illnesses all mixed up together as one. Below are what I had experienced so far: 1) Jolt of powerful electrocution-liked sensation 2) Strong pulsations that feel like being poked at 3) A mysterious force that hits my ears and make a popping sound inside and out 4) A sharp pain in the eyes that feels like being pricked by a needle 5) Really strong and heavy blows that feel like concussion 6) A mysterious force that throws my limps up 7) A mysterious force that shake my neck and shoulders 8) Suffocation that feels like sleep apnea I'm sure I've forgotten one or two, but I'm too tired to think about it now. Maybe later. Torture continues.........

   Posted 11-03-2014 at 07:04 AM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:33 AM by R. Crusoe

10. Having been plagued by this tormenting sleep disorder for more than ten years, I've learned to personified it a bit and think of it as some evil character, some sort of terrorist, torturer or enemy. That's one way I come to deal with it. I find it easier if I think of it as an entity rather than an abstract idea of an invisible illness. In fact, this illness of mine does have an evil mind of its own, and it seems to be quite familiar with my work schedule in the office as well. For example, if I have meetings on Tuesday, then the intensity and frequency of the symptoms on Monday's night would just be brutal, so much so that I would be dead tired on Tuesday. Another example, it could get terribly rough on me during Friday's night or weekend when I really need to rest up. I'm fully aware how incredible it sounds, but that's the absolute truth. It'd just happened to me again.

    Posted 11-04-2014 at 07:02 AM by R. Crusoe

11. Back to that apartment I was staying in March 2004 when I got hit by the electrocution-liked symptom for the very first time, my sleep disorder had started to deteriorate since then. New symptom began to appear in addition. It had changed from a wide area attack to a very focus pulsation that felt like someone was poking me hard with a stick, or something similar. I can't quite accurately describe it. It hit mostly on my head, but also various parts of my body. It was a strong physical sensation. In the mean time, the problem of noise persisted. In fact, it started to get very noisy in day time as well, usually when I was inside. Strange enough, it didn't seem to happen when I was out. Unlike that at night, it didn't happen all the time, only sporadically but often enough. I remember one time a deafening sound of someone drilling on concrete started just minutes after I got in from work, all tired. It lasted quite a while. It was terrible. The whole nightmare had continued for another seven months or so. I moved out in October 2004 as the landlord was reselling the apartment. I was looking for a new place to live hoping a new environment would do good to my illness, but......

    Posted 11-05-2014 at 07:07 AM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:14 AM by R. Crusoe

12. I stayed in that apartment for two years before I moved out. I must say, for the first year and a half it was tolerantly quiet and normal. The noise was mostly from the traffic below. No unusually loud or disturbing noises were heard during that time, certainly not when I tried to sleep at night. Neighbours seemed to be quietly minding their own business. I didn't know any of them, and never socialized with any. At least, we were on polite and civilized term with each other. But ever since I got back from the trip to that Far East Country, they had turn into different people all of a sudden, almost hostile with their intention to disrupt. As residents of the City and of the district, they had left quite a negative impression on me. I thought I knew these people; I thought they were decent folks. But obviously I was dead wrong judging by the horrible experience. In fact, the whole City had changed so much that I hardly recognize it anymore. Sure, the glitzy exterior of an "International City" is still there. But the core of it, the spirit of it, its value, mentality and attitude have all been seriously twisted and altered to a point that it has become almost foreign to me. The look is still there, but that's about it.

    Posted 11-06-2014 at 06:58 AM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:16 AM by R. Crusoe

13. In Oct 2004 I moved in to another apartment far away from the previous one in a completely different district. It was situated in a much more quiet location away from main traffic. I thought it would certainly help cure my sleep disorder, which I had suffered for the past six to seven months up to that point. At the time I still believed that my illness was just a temporary thing, a sign that my body system still hadn't adjusted to the hectic pace of the crazy city life, and that I was over-stressed. After all, it'd only been a couple of years since I decided to stay in this City for long term. Anyway, I had my brand new bed and everything set up, ready for the first night sleep in the new apartment. I thought I'd have a good night sleep that night without the noisy neighbours, and the noisy traffic below. So I went straight to bed, and didn't think much of my sleep disorder. Unfortunately, nothing turned out the way I was expecting. The exact same tormenting symptom hit me hard at the back of my head just minutes after I got in bed. Needless to say, I was beyond terrified. It was my first realization that my sleep disorder was far too serious than anticipated. It was a confirmation that it had officially become a long term illness. It had actually followed me across a long distance to my new place. I was in total shock, and just didn't know how to react. I was absolutely perplexed and extremely frightened. I had never been seriously sick before in my whole life. I didn't know what to do. I was baffled enough to think there was something wrong with my new bed. I literally jumped out of it, and tried to sleep in a different room, different area, thinking it might help. I was like a tortured animal running around in my own home. It just kept on hitting me hard everywhere I laid down my head to sleep. It had gone on for pretty much the entire night, just like it was in the old apartment. Nothing had changed. Nothing. In fact it got deteriorated to a much worse situation few years later. Such was my horrific first night in my new apartment. Welcome to the City.

    Posted 11-07-2014 at 10:03 PM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:21 AM by R. Crusoe

14. Last night was one of those painful nights. I got woken up seven times in one sleep. On top of that, eye pain also attacked me several times in a roll. I feel absolutely awful today. As I said before, this sleep disorder of mine with its tormenting symptoms has an evil mind of it own. It tends to attack me the worst when I need to rest the most. I can never tell when that will happen. In a way I'm just a helpless victim sitting and waiting for it to hit me. I have no way to predict it or avoid it. It just hits me night after night.

    Posted 11-08-2014 at 08:21 PM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:32 AM by R. Crusoe

15. After the appallingly cruel first night in my new apartment, things at night quickly started to mirror that of the previous seven months in the old apartment. The same vicious cycle continued day after day, night after night. It went like this: I went to bed at night, got thoroughly abused by the symptoms of my sleep disorder, got up dead tired the next morning, went to work, came home, went to bed at night, and the same thing just repeated itself again and again like a never ending nightmare. It is still on-going to this day. My new neighbours seemed normal enough, at least for a short while in the beginning. There was no yelling mother and daughter duo at night. But the peace and quietness didn't last long. There was an adjoining wall in my apartment, which was connected to the kitchen of my neighbour's apartment. It was all fine for a while, and then one night the wife next door suddenly changed her dish washing schedule at night. It seemed that she had decided to delay it, and deliberately chose to do her dishes just about the same time I went to bed. And just as suddenly, loud noises of pot and dishes bumping on her tiled counter top and the adjoining wall began to make themselves heard clearly on my side. She seemed to insist to take her time doing those dishes. It usually lasted for at least an hour or so. I didn't know why all that had to happen, but it did. I quickly realized a pattern here. Starting from that hotel room in the Oriental Country, to the previous apartment I was staying, and then to this new apartment I'd just moved in, loud noises at night created by people near my proximity tended to happen over and over again. It seemed to follow me everywhere I went. It served only one purpose, which was to disturb my sleep, interrupt my habit, and try to keep me up at night as late as possible in the middle of an attack of the sleep disorder. I couldn't think of any other explanation. But why?

    Posted 11-10-2014 at 06:56 AM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:31 AM by R. Crusoe

16. Constant disruptions during night sleep and chronic fatigue became the fact of life. I had no choice at all but to cope with them the best I could. This unexpected sleep disorder had seriously impacted my health and outlook of life in general. A lot of the normal things in life had become unattainable to me all due to this sudden illness. I'm totally handicapped by it physically and socially. There are very little one can do if one is feeling sick and tired all the time. This is a real curse from the devil. That's for sure.

    Posted 11-11-2014 at 06:48 AM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:31 AM by R. Crusoe

17. I just want to say to those who are in similar situation being plagued by tormenting illness every single day for a long period of time with no end in sight: Don't give up. Don't let you illness terrorize and dictate you life no matter how excruciatingly painful you feel inside. Try to live your life as normal as possible. Face your illness head-on. Deal with it. Never let it control you. You are in control of your illness. You have absolute control over the way you react to it. Go out and do the things you want to do. There is no need to hide it from others, let it show. There is no shame in being sick and tired. Be grateful to those who understand what you'd been through and sympathize. Ignore those who bully and discriminate you because of your illness. Accept the fact that medical help doesn't work for all, but don't despair either. Stay strong. Be yourself no matter what. Above all, be faithful and pray to God that He will cure you and let you have your health and normal life back soon.

    Posted 11-12-2014 at 06:58 AM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:30 AM by R. Crusoe

18. I mentioned earlier that some of the symptoms had actually happened during daytime when I wasn't sleeping in bed. One of them was the sensation of a focused muscular pulsation that happened sporadically on various part of my body. The one that felt like someone was poking me with a stick. It'd happened quite often lately while I was working at my desk. It hit me mostly on my legs, even on my mouth a couple times. I don't know what is going on anymore. This illness of mine is getting stranger and stranger. It's a horrible beast.

    Posted 11-14-2014 at 05:18 AM by R. Crusoe

19. I stayed in that new apartment for a few years. My sleep disorder had gradually turned from bad to worse during the period. The symptoms experienced in the previous apartment persisted and continued even after I moved in to this one. I had three business trips to few different countries within the few years I was living there. Two was in 2005, the other one in 2007. Prior to the trips I thought they'd do my illness good by providing a much needed chance to get away from this hectic paced Asian City by the Harbour. I was attributing my illness to high stress from work and stress simply from the crazy city life style. Unfortunately, I was quickly proven wrong about such assumption, as I experienced the same symptoms while staying in the hotel rooms in the countries I visited. In fact, it started even earlier on the planes during my flight to the destinations. My sleep disorder just followed me wherever I went even outside the City. It knew no geographical boundary. The only consolation was that the intensity and frequency of the symptoms were a little bit benign comparing that happened inside my apartment. Other than that the tormenting experience was still the same, just different places.

    Posted 11-14-2014 at 09:55 PM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:29 AM by R. Crusoe

20. Back in the apartment in 2006, I was looking after a small dog for somebody for a short period of time. I brought it back with me one day after work. It slept on the floor near me every night. As usual for me, I got woken up numerous times during sleep. But while I was awake, I noticed that my dog would suddenly jump up from its sleep as if it had experienced some of my symptoms. It happened quite often. We both got waken up at night. It just looked at me in confusion with its head slightly tilted to one side. I can never quite forget that look on its face. It was very healthy when I brought it back. But after a short while staying in the apartment its health had quickly deteriorated. It started to vomit for no reason and completely lost her appetite. I took it to the vet once and gave it some medicine, but it didn't work. It never quite recovered from its sudden illness. It died shortly after I returned it back. I couldn't help to think that it might live a much longer life if it didn't stay in my cursed apartment with me. I was awfully saddened by it suspecting something inhuman was going on behind my back. Poor little creature.......

    Posted 11-15-2014 at 08:41 PM by R. Crusoe Updated 12-13-2015 at 12:28 AM by R. Crusoe

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