Paddle Board Lessons

I was in Hawaii for what seems like months and I was dying to rent a paddle board. I could never get anyone else interested so one day I took off work a couple of hours early. It was a Friday and almost too late to rent equipment. The lifeguard rolled his eyes when I told him I’d never tried it. He insisted on giving me a briefing on the best place to stand, the right way to get up off your knees, how to face the waves head on. And he warned me that it wasn’t easy the first time. “I’ve got really good balance. I’m an equestrienne!” I informed him. Hah. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d gotten on a horse. True, I had 3 at the time but they were somewhere in Kentucky living the high life…sucking my bank account dry… Wait. Paddleboarding. Right.

I left my wrap and slippers (flip-flops) on the beach and headed out on my knees. I take instruction really well so I used my newly gained information to stand up. So far so good. I paddled. Okay, there I was. Standing up. Paddling. Cool. It was windy and it blew me near the forbidden swimming area. I handled it. By the time I was ready to turn around the shore looked pretty doggone far away. I worked hard and made it back. Still standing. I stepped off the board, perspiration glistening and looked longingly at the water. Nah. I’m going to stay dry just to show off.

As I thanked the lifeguard he was bragging about me to anyone within earshot. “Did you see her? She’s an equestrienne!” He spoke the word with an air of importance. I was glad I ended up doing well. I knew it was really beginner’s luck or dumb luck; I suspected the latter.

My next attempt at paddleboarding was with a teenager, 33 years my junior. The location was different. It was a great place to learn to surf. Easy, regular waves, it was a favorite of many locals. I was confident and imparted some of the tips I’d picked up way back when I first tried paddleboarding. I had the big-head for sure. We both struck out and basically got beat up by the waves. I think he eventually did okay that day and went on to be pretty good on later trips but that day I stunk. I could NOT get up on that board. I could barely sit on it, much less stand! I fought and I fought. The board fought back. I was bruised. I tried not to cuss. I talked to God about it. The current drifted me WAY down the beach. When things began to look bleak and my strength was almost gone I barely got the words out “Oh God, please help me”. I had barely climbed on to sit straddle when a wave caught me and took me all the way back to shore. I was merely a passenger and it was a great ride! “God, did you do that?” I felt a thump against my leg and I pulled a large shell from the water. You might think that’s coincidence but the whole time I was in Hawaii I never once saw another sea shell of any size. (I saw a snorkeler pull out a couple of sea urchins one time which he promptly broke open and ate.) This one was big AND it was occupied. I loved it. I carried it all the way back up the shore to my beach towel. I failed miserably at paddleboarding that day. But I had a shell.

I knew I couldn’t keep it. I once unwittingly slaughtered hermit crabs by shell collecting. I approached a lady who was about to head back out with her surfboard and asked her to take it back out for me. Hawaiians respect the ocean and she looked the type to find a good spot for my shell-present. “Just throw it” she looked at me with disgust. “I can’t throw”, I admitted putting myself in the “throws like a girl” category. She looked at me with pity and grabbed the shell. I watched closely to see if she looked like she would eat it but she tossed it out on her way to the breaking waves. Wow. What a day.

It was some time later, the annual company picnic. Good food and fun was had by all but I knew I could sneak off early (it was allowed) and try to duplicate the first perfect paddleboard experience. I eased out of the parking lot and headed to the beach. “Sorry, we don’t rent equipment on Thursday.” Deflated, I contemplated going back to the picnic. After all, they were raffling some great prizes and maybe I’d win something. Besides, it’s a company function and most people stayed there. On the other hand I could beat traffic and head to the house. If I couldn’t paddleboard, then beating traffic won out. The next day at work as I walked through the office towards my desk I kept hearing people saying “Where’d you go? They called your name!” I didn’t even want to hear what the prize was. “You would have won the grand prize! $1000 gift certificate from Hawaiian Airlines!” NOOOOOooooo! I screamed silently. “Oh well, whoever got it probably deserved it more than I did.” I still regret not going back.

Lesson learned.