Boasting about conquests
A thread the other day was posted about why guys boast about their conquests. It really caused me to stop and pause about what I have written and my mind set when I post on the boards. My response, after I thought about it, was that it was a narcissistic, immature ego boost. Stemming from insecurity, and providing me a false sense of confidence. It was a refreshing question, and an honest answer. I hadn't really considered how shallow I had allowed my mindset to become. I scratched at it a couple weeks ago when I spammed the boards, but didn't dig deep enough.
In fairness to myself, I have showed reserve! I haven't stated how many people I've slept with, I haven't written about my exploits as a dancer, and I've not written about what took place in my "Rome" apartment in any details. However, I have mentioned them! I guess to make myself feel better at this time where I really am not feeling very valued.
Again though, this blog does the same thing doesn't it? Writing about myself? To a degree, I need it. I am hurting. I don't have anyone I can share with at the moment who I think would understand. I need empathy, but most people I talk with can only provide sympathy. Based on that, I'd rather go it alone and figure it out myself. I'm getting there. This blog has caused me to analyze and use introspect greater than a lot of the therapists with whom I've spent a lot of money on over the past decade. I do feel improvements and enlightenment. I wish I had discovered this medium years ago.
On the flip side of that coin, I don't have much to write about on the threads now, other than to cut up. There are many well grounded people, who give great advise to the folks who are in full panic mode. My two cents isn't needed or necessary. For 90% of the posters on here, we are all just trying to substantiate our own ego's. Being able to take a step back and realize that, makes the relationship threads REALLY boring!
I did follow one of the threads that got moved over to the Fashion and Beauty forum and was struck dumb. I do not understand this metrosexual era we live in! Guys discussing subjects that I feel are reserved for the enhancement of females, it caught me off guard. To each their own, and while I have a perspective that strongly differs, I though best to keep it to myself and not chastise.
I went and hung out with my step son today. He is taking a 4 stroke engine class this year as well as a computer gaming and graphics course. I could see by his body language and quick expressions, he is really excited about it. HAHAHA We also had a good conversation about girls. I took a lot of the perspectives I see on here from some of the more desperate souls and hopefully gave him some useful advise. He is young still, but he has asked me a few questions about them lately, so I tried to cover some of the basics of being patient, a gentleman, and what are some things that he might try, to just be a good friend first. Things will work out in their own time, and not to get to hung up on the status quo.
I also asked the ex if I could borrow her camera. Tomorrow I go back down to SC to meet the inspector for the house down there. I'm trying not to think about it to much because I can feel my heart rate go up when I do. I am feeling very anxious over this. I am trying to prepare myself that I might watch fifteen years of investment go right out the window. I'll have to consider myself lucky if I break even. What a waste. I am debating taking her to small claims court, but I don't think she even works from what I understand. If she gets money from the government, I would be surprised if I would be entitled to any of that. Oh well. No point getting ahead of myself. I'll know more tomorrow.
In fairness to myself, I have showed reserve! I haven't stated how many people I've slept with, I haven't written about my exploits as a dancer, and I've not written about what took place in my "Rome" apartment in any details. However, I have mentioned them! I guess to make myself feel better at this time where I really am not feeling very valued.
Again though, this blog does the same thing doesn't it? Writing about myself? To a degree, I need it. I am hurting. I don't have anyone I can share with at the moment who I think would understand. I need empathy, but most people I talk with can only provide sympathy. Based on that, I'd rather go it alone and figure it out myself. I'm getting there. This blog has caused me to analyze and use introspect greater than a lot of the therapists with whom I've spent a lot of money on over the past decade. I do feel improvements and enlightenment. I wish I had discovered this medium years ago.
On the flip side of that coin, I don't have much to write about on the threads now, other than to cut up. There are many well grounded people, who give great advise to the folks who are in full panic mode. My two cents isn't needed or necessary. For 90% of the posters on here, we are all just trying to substantiate our own ego's. Being able to take a step back and realize that, makes the relationship threads REALLY boring!
I did follow one of the threads that got moved over to the Fashion and Beauty forum and was struck dumb. I do not understand this metrosexual era we live in! Guys discussing subjects that I feel are reserved for the enhancement of females, it caught me off guard. To each their own, and while I have a perspective that strongly differs, I though best to keep it to myself and not chastise.
I went and hung out with my step son today. He is taking a 4 stroke engine class this year as well as a computer gaming and graphics course. I could see by his body language and quick expressions, he is really excited about it. HAHAHA We also had a good conversation about girls. I took a lot of the perspectives I see on here from some of the more desperate souls and hopefully gave him some useful advise. He is young still, but he has asked me a few questions about them lately, so I tried to cover some of the basics of being patient, a gentleman, and what are some things that he might try, to just be a good friend first. Things will work out in their own time, and not to get to hung up on the status quo.
I also asked the ex if I could borrow her camera. Tomorrow I go back down to SC to meet the inspector for the house down there. I'm trying not to think about it to much because I can feel my heart rate go up when I do. I am feeling very anxious over this. I am trying to prepare myself that I might watch fifteen years of investment go right out the window. I'll have to consider myself lucky if I break even. What a waste. I am debating taking her to small claims court, but I don't think she even works from what I understand. If she gets money from the government, I would be surprised if I would be entitled to any of that. Oh well. No point getting ahead of myself. I'll know more tomorrow.
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