Walking on egg shells
A high school classmate, wrote something on facebook a couple days ago that was very relevant to me in regards to struggle. I made a comment about it. We were not friends on FB at the time, but I sent her a friend request and she accepted. I then sent her a message that once in HS, we had run into each other at a movie theater and we sat together. Through the entire movie, all I thought about was should I hold her hand or not but I didn't want to offend her. I was so preoccupied with my thoughts, I didn't pay attention to the movie. She remembered that and we shared a laugh.
We had a brief chat, but then she asked me what I have been up to. I told her that was a loaded question, if she really wanted to know, send me an email address and I'd fill her in. So she did. I sent her an email with a brief explanation of what has been going on with my house in SC. She then responded with some challenges she was dealing with as well, in regards to her daughter. We sent another round of emails. And then another.
I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable because we are suddenly getting chummy, quickly, and the conversations are becoming a little more informative. So I out right told her, that I see she is married, and I haven't chatted with another female on a personal level for a while. I know we are just chatting, but I'm concerned about crossing certain boundaries and I felt I needed to be pretty measured with what I said. She said she wasn't worried about it. She was enjoying the interaction. She didn't say anything in regards to her marriage status.
These are still pretty g rated conversations to this point. However, in the next round, I made the comment "just like a guy, you give an inch and we take a mile, so based on that I wanted to tell you, while I thought you looked cute in HS, you look amazing now!" Truth, but that might have been a mistake.
Her next email back, she asked for my phone number. I was surprised by her response. I sat there looking at the email for several minutes. I was enjoying this interaction! I haven't had a conversation that made me feel this good in at least a year and a half plus! I didn't want to tell her an out right "no".
So I wrote back and said, "Let me ask you something. If you knew a guy was possibly going through an emotional hardship, and had the potential to fall head over heels for all the wrong reasons for a woman who is attractive, intelligent and strong, because he hasn't spoken to a woman in a really long time, would you still offer him the opportunity to exchange numbers?" "I don't know if I am that guy or not, to be perfectly honest. What I do know is that I am sitting here like a kid back in HS waiting for your replies with giddy anticipation. How's that?"
I sent that late this evening. She hasn't replied.
Yet!
Wow! How does this stuff happen so fast? I shouldn't have said anything about her being attractive! I took the conversation to the next level. Now I am kicking myself. A phone call? That can escalate things so quickly. While I don't feel I would or could, fall head over heels, the outside possibility does exist eventually. If she is married, I can easily get out of this and still be able to have conversations, and just keep things measured. If she isn't married any longer, well then what? I suspect tomorrow, she is going to say something in regards to it not being an issue. HAHAHA I am hoping she is still married!
I am being as forth coming and honest as I can with her. If she is single, there is no reason why we couldn't explore this a little further. Maybe she just want's a hook up? Maybe I just want a hook up?
Crazy. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
Update: So this morning she sent me an email with a brief note and a phone number. I replied back that I had a few things I had to do today, but I would give her a call this evening.
She posted a generic post on FB today that mentioned her husbands presence so that settles that. She is married and he is present in her life so that is cool. I will talk to her tonight but tell her that this is absolutely not ok to go any further.
Update to update: After further contemplation, I sent her an e-mail, (no phone call), and told her that this just isn't ok with me. Oh well. I'm kind of relieved. It was fun for a day!
Yay me!
We had a brief chat, but then she asked me what I have been up to. I told her that was a loaded question, if she really wanted to know, send me an email address and I'd fill her in. So she did. I sent her an email with a brief explanation of what has been going on with my house in SC. She then responded with some challenges she was dealing with as well, in regards to her daughter. We sent another round of emails. And then another.
I'm starting to feel a little uncomfortable because we are suddenly getting chummy, quickly, and the conversations are becoming a little more informative. So I out right told her, that I see she is married, and I haven't chatted with another female on a personal level for a while. I know we are just chatting, but I'm concerned about crossing certain boundaries and I felt I needed to be pretty measured with what I said. She said she wasn't worried about it. She was enjoying the interaction. She didn't say anything in regards to her marriage status.
These are still pretty g rated conversations to this point. However, in the next round, I made the comment "just like a guy, you give an inch and we take a mile, so based on that I wanted to tell you, while I thought you looked cute in HS, you look amazing now!" Truth, but that might have been a mistake.
Her next email back, she asked for my phone number. I was surprised by her response. I sat there looking at the email for several minutes. I was enjoying this interaction! I haven't had a conversation that made me feel this good in at least a year and a half plus! I didn't want to tell her an out right "no".
So I wrote back and said, "Let me ask you something. If you knew a guy was possibly going through an emotional hardship, and had the potential to fall head over heels for all the wrong reasons for a woman who is attractive, intelligent and strong, because he hasn't spoken to a woman in a really long time, would you still offer him the opportunity to exchange numbers?" "I don't know if I am that guy or not, to be perfectly honest. What I do know is that I am sitting here like a kid back in HS waiting for your replies with giddy anticipation. How's that?"
I sent that late this evening. She hasn't replied.
Yet!
Wow! How does this stuff happen so fast? I shouldn't have said anything about her being attractive! I took the conversation to the next level. Now I am kicking myself. A phone call? That can escalate things so quickly. While I don't feel I would or could, fall head over heels, the outside possibility does exist eventually. If she is married, I can easily get out of this and still be able to have conversations, and just keep things measured. If she isn't married any longer, well then what? I suspect tomorrow, she is going to say something in regards to it not being an issue. HAHAHA I am hoping she is still married!
I am being as forth coming and honest as I can with her. If she is single, there is no reason why we couldn't explore this a little further. Maybe she just want's a hook up? Maybe I just want a hook up?
Crazy. I guess I'll find out tomorrow.
Update: So this morning she sent me an email with a brief note and a phone number. I replied back that I had a few things I had to do today, but I would give her a call this evening.
She posted a generic post on FB today that mentioned her husbands presence so that settles that. She is married and he is present in her life so that is cool. I will talk to her tonight but tell her that this is absolutely not ok to go any further.
Update to update: After further contemplation, I sent her an e-mail, (no phone call), and told her that this just isn't ok with me. Oh well. I'm kind of relieved. It was fun for a day!
Yay me!
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