I caught an old episode of the "Waltons" last night and it brought me back to my childhood. (Back to "simplier" times!)...My Dad used to call my younger son "John Boy" when he was small. My son loved it! (And remembered it all his life.)...You'd never catch my older son watching old reruns of the "Waltons" or "Little House on the Prairie." But my younger son loved watching these shows because they gave him a "window" into the past. And they were about families...My older son took pride in being a "modern" and "with the times" kind of guy! I'm sure he viewed the rest of us as "old grey mares" because we enjoyed telling "tales" from the past. And taking trips down "memory lane."...My younger son "ate" it all "up" and kept begging for "more" when we started sharing stories from the past. He said this gave him a chance to get to know us even "better." And he loved hearing about life back in the "old days."...Both of my sons are gone now along with my husband and parents and everyone else. I am the only "apple" left on my "family tree." Watching the old episode of the "Waltons" last night helped me feel like I was part of a family again. (And this was sure nice!)
Forgiveness....
Posted 05-02-2013 at 09:19 AM by CArizona
Sometimes I've had to walk-away from certain people in my life in order to have peace and "mental stability" etc...But I've never wanted to become a "hater.".. Or walk-around consumed with anger. (Or a desire for revenge that becomes an obsession and "eats me alive" etc.)...I'm not trying to be a "saint!" (And I never will be!)...I just don't want to get "bogged-down" in "hate" or chronic anger. (To the point that it "rules" my life and "blocks me" from being happy.)....I know I "lack awareness" and make mistakes at times. So it's hard for me to "nail" other people to the "cross" when they make mistakes too...Anyway I enjoy having a "forgiving nature." It makes me happy!
Total Comments 10
Comments
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Forgiveness probably seems like a boring topic. Or maybe a strictly religious topic or ??...If a newspaper ran a front-page article about forgiveness I don't think the article would have many readers...Forgiveness just isn't a popular topic or subject. (Well maybe in churches or in Sunday schools etc.)...I started thinking about forgiveness early in life because my Dad had a tendency to hold grudges. He seemed to keep a "running list" (in his head) of all the "bad things" he felt people "did to him" all through the years...In fairness my Dad was a "pretty nice guy" most of the time and caring and rational and even playful...But every so often he had "rage-attacks" and turned into a "madman!"...I kept hoping that he'd let go of his grudges and start forgiving people. (For his own "good" and the "good" of our family.)Posted 05-06-2013 at 04:12 PM by CArizona
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We can take every little thing "personally." (Or not!)...When I'm with friends (or talking to someone on the phone) I have awareness of "trigger-points" (at times) that I could "internalize" or "take personally."...But I try not to "jump the gun" and "react" in a defensive way...Obviously whatever was "said" strikes some type of "chord" in me...For some reason the words (or statements) "tap" into my insecurities...Or unresolved issues from my past...My friends might be operating from an "old script" from their past too...Awhile back ago I made a vow (and promise) to myself not to "hook-in" to every little thing and start debates or arguments. (Or "do or die" type of situations.)...I let a lot of things "pass" these days. And when I have free time I try to look for "root causes" within myself...Why did something seem to "bother" me? Was my friend really "out to get me" or "put me down?" Usually not!...I try to "sift through" everything and in the process I have a chance to "address" some of my lifelong insecurities. Or "heal" old "wounds" from my past.Posted 05-07-2013 at 10:14 AM by CArizona
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Someone didn't love us enough...Or they didn't love us the way we wanted to "be loved."...Or the love didn't last...Love flew-out the window over time...Or we find our "one true love" but death splits us apart...Basically life is full of all kinds of experiences...Sometimes our lemonade tastes sour and bitter because there isn't enough (or any) "sugar" in the mixture...And some of our experiences in life are "sweet as pie" and make us happy. (At least for awhile anyway.)...To me it's all about learning how to handle the so-called "bad" along with the "good."...Relishing in joy but accepting that life comes with pain and heartache too.Posted 05-07-2013 at 01:29 PM by CArizona
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Most of the time I feel sad that my husband and sons died. And I miss them "like crazy!"...But every so often I feel a little "upset" that they all left me "behind." And I tell them how I feel. (Even though they are dead.)...I call them "turkeys" for leaving me...Most of the time my anger has a tinge of humor in it too! My husband taught me how to take the "rough edge" off my anger. (Or even my extreme seriousness at times.)...My husband used to call people "turkeys" (every so often) when he was frustrated with someone...He had cute ways of dealing with "problem-people." (Which made us laugh!)...So I feel okay calling my loved ones "turkeys" once in awhile. It probably makes them "crack-up!" (Bust-out laughing!)Posted 05-08-2013 at 02:25 PM by CArizona
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I think about the movie "Fatal Attraction" at times. It's always "stuck" in my mind...The character that Glenn Close played decided to take "justice" in her own hands and "sought revenge" for being "dumped."...She definitely went off the "deep-end." And lost touch with reality...At some point she stopped "weighing" the consequences of her actions and became obsessed...Years ago I had a friend who started "stalking" and "bugging" a guy who "dumped her." She convinced herself that they were "meant" to be together. And honestly believed that he would come back to her...The guy finally went to the police and filed a restraining order against her. It took my friend a long time to come to her "senses." And let the guy "go" and "move-on."...He was in a band that was on the brink of becoming "famous." (Headed for the "big-leagues.") And he "beefed-up" security when he played in clubs and concerts so he wouldn't be "hounded" by my friend anymore.Posted 05-09-2013 at 01:22 PM by CArizona
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We've always had "lynch mobs" in our society...Someone or a certain group becomes a "target." (A "target" of hate and discontent or ridicule, etc.)...This is usually referred to as "scapegoating."...And the "targets" may vary and shift and change through the years. (Or centuries.)...Why do people feel justified "throwing stones" and "mocking others" in mean and vicious ways?.. Why is there a need for "scapegoats?" To appear "superior?" To have someone to "fault" and "blame" for problems?...When I've been in situations that seemed "out of hand" and horribly "one-sided" I've stepped-in to "shame" the "shamers." (And give them a "dose" of their own "medicine.")...I worry about them because they don't seem to have any "sensitivity" left anymore...They live in an "anything goes" type of reality and don't question their behavior towards others...I wonder why they don't feel guilty. Or ashamed of themselves when they "mock" and "torment" others...But I can't "save" the world. And I definitely "mess-up" myself at times and make mistakes. I'm no saint. Just someone who keeps trying to understand human nature.Posted 05-10-2013 at 10:21 AM by CArizona
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I think we can have "love bonds" with other people or a bond that is filled with hate and anger and maybe even the desire to "take revenge."...When we hold grudges against people we "tie" ourselves to them forever and ever. (In a "negative" way.) And we're never really "free." Or "free and clear" in general...I don't want to keep ghosts and skeletons in my closet. Or so-called "sins" from the past that block me from being happy today. (Or in the future.)...Everyone hasn't always treated me "fairly." But the truth is that I've made a lot of mistakes too...This is my "reality."Posted 05-15-2013 at 10:07 AM by CArizona
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For some reason I've always wanted to see some "good" in people and not just "bad." (I've been this way since I was small.)...I hope that people can see a little "good" in me too. (And not just "bad!") But who knows?...I guess we all "see" what we want to "see." Right?...I know that I sure make mistakes. And I'm far from "perfect."...Sometimes I'm a "big dumbo" and it takes a lot of "tries" (or "hard-knocks") for me to learn a "simple lesson!"...I "slip" and "slide" at times and even go to "extremes" before I "calm down" and reach an "even-keel."...Since I can plainly see that I'm not "perfect" how can I expect other people to be "perfect?" (Or "saintly" or ??)...I can be really "hard" on myself at times. (To the point that I even call myself names.)...But before things get totally out of "hand" I hear a voice in my head that tells me to "knock it off." And cut myself a little "slack!"...I want to cut other people some "slack" too. We all make mistakes at times. (Since we're human!)Posted 05-25-2013 at 05:46 PM by CArizona
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My cousin and I had a conversation about the "afterlife" the other day. She's a devout Catholic but she "feels free" to form some of her own beliefs and conclusions...You'll never hear her talk about sin or hell or "eternal damnation."...Instead she sees God as loving and forgiving. And this is the way she tries to operate in her own life too...Both of us had family members who were "terrors." Her older sister seemed to have a "mean streak." And I had an aunt (in my immediate family) who "caused trouble" and drove everyone "crazy!"...Years ago we both concluded that her sister and my aunt were extremely insecure people. We didn't view them as "bad."...They never dealt with their insecurities and this caused both of them to "act-out" and be "mean" and spiteful at times. (And jealous and envious of others, etc.)...My cousin said that she hopes and prays that her sister got the "help" she needed when she died. I've always felt the same way about my aunt...I told my cousin: "Hopefully they have better counselors 'up there' than we do "down here.' I hope someone was able to teach them a little more about love and help them feel more secure."Posted 06-01-2013 at 09:26 AM by CArizona
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How much of a "hand" do we have in situations that don't turn-out the way we hoped or expected?...Sometimes we are a "true victim." And sometimes we might play a "role" ourselves... This is what I try to "look at" when I find myself in "hot water." Or when I feel hurt and disappointed by someone...I ask myself how I might have contributed to the problems. Were there "early warning signs" that I failed to "see" or notice?...Did I "stick-around" for a long time hoping and praying that things might "change?"...Was I really an "innocent bystander?" Did I act "perfect" and "saintly" at all times? Or did I take a few "pot-shots" myself? Or play "games?" What could I have done differently?...If I'm sure that the problems had nothing to do with me does this mean that I'm a "bad judge of character?" What did I "miss seeing?"...How can I be sure that I won't wind-up in the same "boat" over and over again if I don't try to "learn" from the past? (And all of my experiences in life.)Posted 06-05-2013 at 01:27 PM by CArizona
