I caught an old episode of the "Waltons" last night and it brought me back to my childhood. (Back to "simplier" times!)...My Dad used to call my younger son "John Boy" when he was small. My son loved it! (And remembered it all his life.)...You'd never catch my older son watching old reruns of the "Waltons" or "Little House on the Prairie." But my younger son loved watching these shows because they gave him a "window" into the past. And they were about families...My older son took pride in being a "modern" and "with the times" kind of guy! I'm sure he viewed the rest of us as "old grey mares" because we enjoyed telling "tales" from the past. And taking trips down "memory lane."...My younger son "ate" it all "up" and kept begging for "more" when we started sharing stories from the past. He said this gave him a chance to get to know us even "better." And he loved hearing about life back in the "old days."...Both of my sons are gone now along with my husband and parents and everyone else. I am the only "apple" left on my "family tree." Watching the old episode of the "Waltons" last night helped me feel like I was part of a family again. (And this was sure nice!)
Be careful about what you "say!"...Hidden rules and regulations in relationships!
Posted 04-28-2013 at 10:13 AM by CArizona
Are we looking for "yes people" when we hook-up with new friends? (People who will always agree with us?)...Or are we searching for some diversity? And challenges?...I spend most of my time as a loner. (Outside groups.) So everytime I step-out and dare to open my mouth I can come across as an "oddball."...I honestly believe that we have a great deal to learn from each other. But we can "block" new insights and knowledge from "coming in" if we surround ourselves with "like-minded thinkers." ("Birds of the same feather!") How do you feel about it?
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Sometimes it's easier to "say nothing" versus running the risk of "sticking-out" in a group. (Or offending someone.) Don't you think?...But it would probably be hard to sit quietly and "listen" forever and ever.. We might cease to exist in our own right and get lost in the "shadows."...I think "sharing" would be easier if we lived in a more open-minded and open-ended type of world...Where we all took the position that we still have a lot to learn. (On our own and from others.)...Then everything wouldn't seem so rigid or "do or die" or "set in stone." What do you think?Posted 04-28-2013 at 12:03 PM by CArizona
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It's sad when relationships end on a "bad note." (This is how I feel anyway.)...Life is all about problem-solving. And this applies to relationships too. But some situations become "too hot to handle" at times. (Without an easy "fix.")...The trouble is that I don't want to be a "quitter.".. I don't like to "give-up" and walk away from someone. (With "bad feelings" left in the air.)...This is "unfinished business" to me. And I feel responsible for trying to figure out "what went wrong." (On my "end" too!)...It's easy to say that we want peace on earth. But how about trying to create peace and "goodwill" in all of our relationships?...I know it's easier "said" than "done!"Posted 04-29-2013 at 11:33 AM by CArizona
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Sometimes friends have to "agree" to "disagree." And stop battling over who is supposedly "right" or "wrong." Don't you think?...If we want absolute and non-stop validation we should probably stay close to mirrors. (And avoid people entirely!)...It's hard to be friends with someone who expects us to be a "clone." (Someone who basically says: "You are either with me or against me! There is no middle ground!")...The world is full of diversity. (Whether we like it or not!) And we'll never be "happy campers" if we expect everyone we meet to agree with us and tell us that we're "right" about everything!...This is how I feel anyway!Posted 04-29-2013 at 12:10 PM by CArizona
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Who gets to play "top dog?".. Some relationships are full of "power-plays."...I guess this shouldn't be surprising since we live in a competitive society...Early in life we're pushed to compete in sports and compete for grades etc...We compete for jobs and mates and "you name it!"...So it's no wonder that competition "pops-up" in families or among friends or neighbors etc...Who is "one-up" and at the "top?" And who is stuck down at the "bottom" most of the time?...It can be quite a "juggling act!" But most of it goes on below the "radar." (In subtle ways.) Have you noticed this?Posted 04-30-2013 at 09:58 AM by CArizona
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It's hard to be friends with someone who is "touchy." (Someone who takes every little thing "personally.")...There's no telling what might "upset" a "touchy person!".. Will they "fly off the handle" and get defensive and "take offense" if we say something they don't want to hear?....Will they throw us in the trash? Or come after us with a butcher knife?...Sometimes it's hard to spot a "touchy person" right off the bat. They may come across as "tough" and strong at first glance. (Or even a bit intimidating.).. Their "outside" doesn't always match their "inside."..They prefer to keep their insecurities and "fragile nature" hidden as much as possible. But their "cover" starts to unravel when they feel challenged or "threatened." (And can't control the people in their life anymore.)Posted 04-30-2013 at 10:44 AM by CArizona
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Conversations with friends (or family members) can turn into endless and ongoing debates...Some people seem "combative." ("Warrior-like!") Have you noticed this?...At this particular time in my life I don't want to go "head to toe" with people and always end-up in debates...Of course friendship involves a certain amount of "sharing" in order to grow closer.. How can we grow close to someone we don't really "know?"...But it's probably a good idea to "agree to disagree" if things start to get "hot and heavy." (Before a conversation takes on the characteristics of a "boxing-match!") Don't you think?Posted 05-01-2013 at 12:07 PM by CArizona
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My friends come from all "walks of life." (Rich, poor and in-between...And I have friends of all ages.)...Most of the time I interact with my friends on a "one-to-one" and individual basis...I am not part of their ongoing social-circles. (Or groups.)...All of my close friends live far-away so we just talk on the phone once in awhile. (Or send emails, etc.)....Every so often I'm invited to a special event. (A wedding or graduation or funeral etc.)...I always feel a little nervous because I'm an "outsider." But I'm a friendly person and do the best I can...I'm sure that some people (at the events) wonder where I "came from" because I don't seem just like everyone else...But all in all I do okay...When the events are over I come back to my "cave" and go back to being "mostly a loner."Posted 05-01-2013 at 02:00 PM by CArizona
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"Get with the program! Follow along! Read your lines...Play your role! Don't disappoint me!"..."I have a script for you to follow and I expect you to stay in character at all times!"..What happens if don't want to live in someone else's "controlled environment?" Or play an "assigned role?"...It's not always easy to "break-free." (Especially if we're dealing with "mud-slingers" or "sting-rays!") Or people who have mastered the art of "guilt-tripping!" Or "shame/flame throwers" etc.Posted 05-02-2013 at 08:14 AM by CArizona
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Friends wanted!...What would you say if you took out a classified ad for "new friends?"...Would you list a few "musts" or "shoulds?" (Or "should nots?")...Or would you focus on describing yourself?Posted 05-02-2013 at 10:59 AM by CArizona
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Kids fight and "squabble" at times...I remember having a few disagreements with my friends when I was young and they definitely seemed like the "end of the world" (to me) at the time...My sons went through a few "squabbles" with their friends too. (Or each other!)...As I grew older I tried to resolve "squabbles" before they got out of "hand" because I didn't want to act like a "kid" anymore... I felt like it was my "job" (as an adult) to try to find solutions to problems...But sometimes it's easier to repair a car or washing machine than "find a fix" for problems in relationships...Maybe this is because cars and washing machines are "neutral" and "impartial." They don't have feelings or ego's like humans do...What do you think?Posted 05-03-2013 at 09:40 AM by CArizona
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Duh!.. I'm not sure why I keep writing so much about friends and relationships right now...My husband and both my sons died and I don't see friends very often...Basically I'm a loner and "alone" most of the time these days...Maybe I just want to "prepare" for the future. (When I decide to step-back into the world a little more.)...Good to develop more "street-smarts.".."Beef-up" a bit.. Become more "savvy" and even "sassy!"...Learn to recognize dysfunctional relationships in the early-stages before I get in "too deep." (And get "whacked" and "jacked-around" and taken for a "ride" one too many times!)...I have lots to learn!Posted 05-03-2013 at 12:18 PM by CArizona
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I try not to get too "tight" or too close to "chronic complainers."...It all depends on their tone. And their intentions...Do they feel justified in "ripping" other people to "shreds?" (Without "mercy!")...Do they seem angry and mean and vicious at times?...Basically we're always going to complain about something. (Or someone at times.) This is probably part of human nature...But I don't want to "nail" people to the "cross" in a mean and "heartless way.".. My conscience usually "kicks-in" when I take things "too far." A little voice inside of me tells me to "cool it!"...Or I might receive a full-fledged lecture like: "Get off your 'high horse!' Throw your 'superiority complex' out the window!..You're not a saint! You're not perfect yourself! So stop throwing stones!"Posted 05-04-2013 at 08:51 AM by CArizona
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These days there is a big push to be "politically correct." (Diplomatic, sensitive to other peoples' feelings, tactful etc.)...Some people think "political correctness" is a bunch of "hogwash" and they take pride in being blunt. (And maybe even "brutal" at times.) They think sensitivity is for "sissies."...Maybe there is a middle-ground where we don't have to be "either/or!" What do you think?...Maybe we can play it "by ear" and "size-up" each situation...I don't want to be totally blunt all the time or "brutal." But I don't want to come across as a "weakling" either. (Who is afraid of my own shadow and easily intimidated!)...I don't want to be a "yes person" or "people pleaser." (With no identity of my own!)....But I don't want to act "macho" either and "mow" people "down!"Posted 05-04-2013 at 03:23 PM by CArizona
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"I'm mad at you because you didn't say or do what I wanted." (Or expected.)...."So now I'm going to pout and 'play victim.'.. And find ways to punish you and make your life hell!"...This is all "kid stuff" to me. (No matter how old we get to be!)...What do you think?...One of my cats "acts-out" (at times) when I don't "cave-in" (or "give-in") to his demands...He's been depressed (off and on) since his brother died in January. (We lost nearly everyone in our family...Humans and cats.)...I keep telling my cat that I love and care about him but I can't really "fix him." It's not my fault that his brother and everyone else died. And I "struggle" too!...This is a time to "pull together" versus "turning" on each other like "cannibals!"Posted 05-05-2013 at 09:06 AM by CArizona
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One of my friends has never been much of a "talker." She doesn't pick-up the phone or send out emails (to friends or family members) when things "go wrong" in her life...Basically she just deals with everything herself. (Or with her husband.)....She doesn't expect anyone to "save" or "rescue her." Or listen to her "woes."...My friend is the first to admit that she's just not used to having "support."...She counts her blessings every single day and "gives thanks" for her husband. (Because he "sticks" by her "side" no matter what happens.).. He's definitely "tried and true" in her eyes...And now she considers me a "tried and true" friend because I keep coming back and never "let-go" or "toss" her "aside."...Over the past few months she's opened-up with me a lot more. It's nice! We're growing closer bit-by-bit...We're both "go it alone" type of people who haven't always had tons of friends or "ready-made support."....I used to count my blessings everyday when my husband was alive. (Like my friend does!) And I enjoy watching my friend and her husband "pull together." Or "play together." (Despite their problems.)Posted 05-05-2013 at 10:48 AM by CArizona
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I think we all have insecurities at times. (Or insecurities in certain areas.) Don't you? I know I do!...Sometimes I have to do things I've never done before. (Since I'm totally on my "own" now.).. And I can be a little nervous and "shaky" at first. I don't have confidence in my abilities...Unfortunately I can't "run-away" or turn a task (or "job") over to someone else anymore..I have to figure out a way to get things "done" despite my fears and my lack of "know-how" or experience...Sometimes I have to swallow my pride and ask for guidance or "help."...When I face obstacles and new challenges my emotions can "go whacko" at times. My first reaction might be self-pity. Or: "Why me?"...Then I have to struggle with "feeling stupid!" And incompetent!...If I have to ask for "help" this brings on a new set of fears...But when I get close to a "deadline" I step-up to the "plate." (Despite my fears and insecurities.) And figure-out some type of solution.Posted 05-06-2013 at 09:20 AM by CArizona
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Have you been around people who insist that they are "fine" all the time? (No matter what!)...My Dad acted this way when my Mom had an unexpected heart-attack and died. (Without any prior "warning.")...The rest of the family felt free to cry and express their sadness and shock etc...We all felt free to be "real" and honest. (In other words.)....But my Dad felt obligated to put-on a "brave front."...Some family members "faulted" my Dad for not showing any emotion. And for acting like he was "fine" despite losing my Mom...I didn't feel angry. I knew he was just "following orders." (Or the "programming" he'd received as a male in our society.)...He was trying to be strong for himself. And strong for his family...Maybe he was afraid our "ship" would "sink" and we'd all "drown" if he didn't remain stoic and brave and "play captain."...Anyway I knew my Dad loved and missed my Mom. (Even though he didn't show it.) I cut him some "slack." ...I think we all operate through our "programming" at times. Don't you?Posted 05-06-2013 at 10:40 AM by CArizona
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Restless...Have to keep busy...Can't stop for long! Or just sit and "be!"...What does it mean to "be?" "Be what?" "Be who?"...Every so often I have to take a little time off to let my feelings have a "voice." Or check-in with my "inner self" or ??...What's really going on "inside" of me? (And on my "outside" too.)...Am I living an "authentic life?" And being "true" to myself? (Or not?)....Sometimes it's hard to hear (or know) what we really feel (or want) when our life is full of distractions. Have you noticed this?Posted 05-06-2013 at 01:20 PM by CArizona
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What happens when things don't turn-out the way we hoped or expected?.. We're disappointed! ("Bummed-out!").. We might feel "cheated." Or angry because we "pinned" our hopes on something that didn't materialize or turn-out the way we expected...It's hard to be friends with someone who has a lot of "old wounds" and "disappointment issues" from the past...There may be an "aura of suspicion" in the relationship where we're put through "tests" and "trials" to make sure that we're not going to turn-out to be a "disappointer" too. (Or "Benedict Arnold" or ??)...I'm trying to minimize my expectations these days so I won't wind-up disappointed all the time. It's not easy but I'm trying!Posted 05-07-2013 at 08:28 AM by CArizona
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I think we can really set ourselves up for disappointment by insisting that things always go "our way.".. We want to be in control...Or feel in control...And live in a world that seems "predictable!"...But the truth is that life is full of "variables" and "unforseen circumstances."...I don't eat "out" very often anymore. (Since my husband and son passed-away.) But I decided to treat myself to lunch at one of my favorite restaurants a few weeks back...The food used to be fantastic! So I expected a "great meal!" But this wasn't the case on my last visit...I'd be lying if I said I wasn't disappointed. And I felt "cheated" too. It didn't seem "fair" since I hardly ever go out to eat anymore...But the world doesn't revolve around "just me!" And I'm going to experience some "hard-knocks" and disappointments just like everyone else. (Whether I like it or not!)...Some restaurants go "downhill" over time. (Due to "cut-backs" or the bad economy or dysfunctional management or ?)...I'll remember this the next time I go out to eat. And "hope for the best" but be prepared for "whatever." I can't afford to make everything in my life "do or die" right now.Posted 05-07-2013 at 09:03 AM by CArizona
