I caught an old episode of the "Waltons" last night and it brought me back to my childhood. (Back to "simplier" times!)...My Dad used to call my younger son "John Boy" when he was small. My son loved it! (And remembered it all his life.)...You'd never catch my older son watching old reruns of the "Waltons" or "Little House on the Prairie." But my younger son loved watching these shows because they gave him a "window" into the past. And they were about families...My older son took pride in being a "modern" and "with the times" kind of guy! I'm sure he viewed the rest of us as "old grey mares" because we enjoyed telling "tales" from the past. And taking trips down "memory lane."...My younger son "ate" it all "up" and kept begging for "more" when we started sharing stories from the past. He said this gave him a chance to get to know us even "better." And he loved hearing about life back in the "old days."...Both of my sons are gone now along with my husband and parents and everyone else. I am the only "apple" left on my "family tree." Watching the old episode of the "Waltons" last night helped me feel like I was part of a family again. (And this was sure nice!)
Counting to ten...
Posted 04-26-2013 at 11:26 AM by CArizona
I'm trying to take a step back and catch my breath and count to ten before I go off the "deep end." (And react to every little thing that doesn't go "my way.")...Normally I'm pretty easy-going. But my stress-level has been "running high" latety and I know I need to "slow-down" a bit...Every little thing isn't the "end of the world." And reacting in "big ways" to tiny little things will simply stress me out even more...I've run into other people who seem a bit tense (and stressed) too. There's no telling who might "fly off the handle" at the "drop of a hat!"...So I'm trying to stay in my "cave" a little more these days and out of the "line of fire.".. I can't "change the world" but I can work on trying to reduce my own stress-level. Right?
Total Comments 8
Comments
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"What's the matter with you? Why aren't you mad? Don't you care?"...I care about a lot of things but I just don't like to operate through "raging anger."...If I get all "worked-up" and "mad as hell" I might not be able to "think straight."...I do better when I try to stay calm and "cool" and "collected."...Anger can tie us to our "emotional side" and I want to try to solve problems through logic and reason. (If possible!)...And I don't want to say or do things that I may (later) regret because I was all "steamed-up" and "blind-sighted" by my anger. (And the "heat" of the "moment.")...To me caring is all about trying to be as objective as possible and level-headed. (Reasonable and stable...Not "reactionary" or defensive or "out" for "blood" etc.).. How do you feel about it?Posted 05-07-2013 at 03:29 PM by CArizona
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Sometimes we need to "vent" and get things off our "chest."...But what is our ultimate goal? Are we seeking understanding? (And insights?)...Or do we just want to "rip" other people to "shreds?" (By pointing out their flaws and faults and so-called stupidity, etc.)...I call this the "one-up/one-down game." And it can become a "sport." Don't you think?...It's hard to be friends with someone who plays these type of "games.".. People like this have a tendency to be extremely suspicious. (Maybe even paranoid at times.)...They have fears about being "put down" themselves. (And can be hypersensitive and "touchy.") Have you noticed this?...People who don't want to do "one-up/one-down" all the time operate a little differently...They don't keep a "score-card." Or walk around "braced" for an "attack" all the time. (Even though they know they may run into "one-up/one-down" type of people in their "travels.")Posted 05-09-2013 at 08:12 AM by CArizona
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I have to "rescue myself" every so often from self-pity...I don't want to get "swallowed-up" in misery (or blame or anger) to the point that I lose my ability to be happy...I don't want to play-out "poor me." (And turn it into mantra.)...Yes I've had some "misfortunes." (Like losing my husband and both my sons.)...Everything doesn't always go "my way" and life can be a "struggle." (With obstacles and "set-backs" at times.)...But I don't think anything "warrants" giving-up my ability and desire to be happy. (No matter what!)...And I don't want to turn into an "old miserable gizzard!" (With nothing but "negativity" inside of me.)Posted 05-12-2013 at 09:15 AM by CArizona
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"Watch out! He's in a bad mood!"..."Don't get on her 'bad side' or 'tick' her off! She's in a foul mood and 'out for blood' today!"...It's hard to be around people who tend to "bottle-up" their feelings. (And walk around in bad moods.)...They aren't "happy campers" and there's no telling when they might "snap" or "lash-out" at the people around them...Basically they go through "pout/sulk" cycles or "fault/blame tirades."...They don't seem to "own" or "process" their "upsets" or disappointments in a mature fashion...Everything can "bubble-away" inside of them for quite awhile. ("Unfiltered.")...Have you ever noticed this?Posted 05-14-2013 at 11:34 AM by CArizona
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"Poor me! I have so many chores to do today! And so many errands to run!....On top of everything else I have to do this and this and that! The list never ends!"... I try (hard) not to "play victim." I don't want to walk-around in a state of self-pity or "perpetual resentment."...But sometimes it "happens" despite my best efforts and I get into a "funk" for awhile. And it's all "negative.".. I'm too busy "feeling sorry" for myself to think about being happy... My "positive side" (or nature) usually takes over and "rescues me" from my "funks" before too long. (And I'm glad!)...I want to be happy. I really do! (No matter what!)...Even more: I want to be able to "take pride" in what I do. And pride and happiness and self-pity don't seem to go "hand-in-hand.".. How do you feel about it?Posted 05-16-2013 at 01:53 PM by CArizona
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I think anger can be a "cover-up" for "hurt." (And even "hurt pride.")...For example let's say that I let a friend "get close" to me. But in the end this friend "flakes-out" (in one way or another) and either "dumps me" or just turns out to be different than I expected...Of course I'm going to feel "hurt" and disillusioned and "upset" with my friend...But more than anything I'm going to lose faith and trust in my judgement. (When it comes to people in general!) And this taps into my ego and pride...Am I a "bad judge of character?" Am I naive?.. Is it easy for people to "con" me? Do I look like an "easy mark?"... To me there's a lot more to "look at" and process than just blaming my friend. I have to work at "healing" my pride...Why was I "drawn" and "attracted" to this person? (In the first place.)...Were there some "early warning signs" that I "missed?" Or chose to ignore?...I want to look at everything so I can learn and grow and "profit" from the experience. (Versus making the very same mistakes over and over again and always winding-up in the "same boat.")...Just "staying mad" and blaming someone else won't teach me any lessons about myself. Or help me make "wiser choices" (early-on) when it comes to selecting friends. (The next time "around!")Posted 05-25-2013 at 10:37 PM by CArizona
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It's not easy to be around "reactive" or "explosive" people...People who constantly make "mountains" out of "molehills!" (As my Mom used to say.)...I've been around people who say they "hate drama" yet they can be very "reactive" themselves. And full of "venom" at times...I try to "make sense" out of what I'm "feeling" at any given point in time. Sometimes this is easy. And sometimes it's "hard" and "complex!" And takes a lot of "work!"...I have to "dig deep" to figure out what "irks me" and "why!"...It's easy to be "one-sided" versus taking the time to look at "other sides" and a "bigger picture." Don't you think?...I'm no "saint." I can jump to conclusions and make mistakes. Or go to "extremes!"...But at some point I always try to get back to a "middle place." (Where I can access a little more logic and "reason" and "common sense!" And "neutrality!")...I don't want to let my emotions "take-over" and "rule" my thinking. (24/7!) YUK!!Posted 10-25-2013 at 01:48 PM by CArizona
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Most of the time, I'm pretty "calm, cool and collected." I don't get "outwardly emotional" very often...Maybe I even seem a little "flat." (Like "Dr. Spock" from "Star Trek.")...It takes a lot to get a "rise" out of me. But I do have moments where I feel like a "basket-case." Or even neurotic!...I can "lose-it" for a little while but I usually "freak" in private...Friends always seem surprised when they see me "react." Nobody expects me to "unravel" or come "unglued." But it happens once in awhile...My husband and sons had a chance to see other "sides" to me. (When they were alive.)...They viewed me as a "tower of strength." (I'm sure.)...Yet, they knew that I might need "help" or "moral support" when the seas got too "rough." And my "toughness" started to wear "thin."Posted 04-10-2014 at 11:05 AM by CArizona
