Difficult days but...my faith is renewed remembering how I got here...

The last couple of days have been rather difficult for me.

Yesterday I got on the buses at around 1:00 pm and did not make it back until about 6:00 pm. I spent all day trying to find window cleaning work. Carrying my bucket and squeegie everywhere I went...to no avail.

No work.

At one point I just aimlessly went around by bus. Not much caring where I went. One place was as good as any other. There just wasn't any work.

On top of that my computer screen stopped working last night such that it seemed that I would be cut off even from my internet friends. Several Christians with whom I have developed or am developing wonderful relationships with.

Today...I started to get real anxious. Out of desperation I started making calls to apply for jobs that showed some promise of giving me money in time to pay my rent on February 1. But all were a dead end.

One that I had set up an interview with in the morning...I had to email and turn down as a possibility. Their telemarketing methods were less than reputable and I will never work for another company that puts pressure on me to treat people in a way that I would not want to be treated. A company that operates with no integrity.

I figured out how to get my computer screen to work again and sat here staring at get rich quick or slow means of making money. Any way of making money. Even if it was hopeless.

Then....I began to listen to music. Christian worship music to be precise. The same music I listened to up North in Canada when the Lord brought me through circumstances ten times worse than any I have faced here.

And my spirit and faith were revived as I looked at photos of what I lived through up North. Of what the Lord brought me through then.

No one here knows the extent of things that I went through up North or what the Lord brought me through to enable me to come to San Diego.

I remember at one point standing in front of my storage unit. Going through the motions of packing what little I had left...that I had not sold, given away, or thrown out. Not knowing where I would go. Only knowing that I could no longer stay where I was.

I had lost all hope of being able to come to San Diego as I had been unable to confirm any housing here and it seemed nuts to get on a flight to come here...without even having a place to stay.

My truck...in which I had lived for close to 3 years was no more. An insurance company had paid me off on it rather than fixing the damage done to it by someone that had struck me.

I had been staying at a friends place. A friend...who had his own problems to deal with...but who had graciously offered to let me stay at his place while the temperature outside sank steeply. I was paying him half his monthly rent. God only knows he needed the money.

But my money was running out. No job. No place to live long term. No cheap flights to San Diego. Freezing cold temperatures. My truck gone.

All other places...Victoria, Phoenix, Orlando, even a homeless camp in Portland that I had looked at in desperation...had not panned out.

And there I stood in front of the little I had left in this life...going through the motions of packing it...wondering where I would go. What I would do.

It was then...while standing there...that the Lord spoke to my spirit in an unmistakeable fashion. That doesn't happen to me very often but it has happened in the past. And when it does...it's pretty flat out amazing.

That I was to go to San Diego.

I cried and complained and tried to reason my way out of what I perceived God telling me. Was I supposed to get on a flight and come to San Diego without even knowing where I was to go?

But I started to act on what I perceived the Lord telling me. And doors began to open for me. At first very slowly. But then...almost as if in a flood...the doors of heaven opened for me and I was able to come.

The flight that I came on opened up just a few days before I came and only cost me $193.00! And I got two coupons worth twenty dollars each to eat at a fancy restaurant in San Diego out of it!

I was even picked up from the airport and brought to the room I ended up renting on first getting here. For only $80 a week. No deposit. And no long term commitment. The owner of that place even gave me a ride to where I am now when I moved here!

As I sit here looking at the trailer that I am living in...I am reminded of what I went through and what the Lord brought me through. This trailer alone is a testament to His miraculous intervention in my life. I daresay that no one in all of San Diego has it as cheap or as good as I have it here. $200 a month for all utilities, private bathroom, stove, fridge, privacy, shower, broadband internet, and peace and quiet. I've never even heard anyone paying anything close to the little I am paying to be here. If anyone knows of a better deal (other than living for free at a relatives) please let me know.

That alone is a testament to God's provision for me.

So...like the children of Israel...I too have sunk into doubt and anxiety and some despondency...but just as they had to do...I too must remember the wondrous works of God on my behalf.

And go out tomorrow looking for the provision of my God. To His greater honor and glory.

He lives. And nothing can or will change that fact. He has proven Himself to me over and over and over again. I must remember that, taking courage not only from His promises in the Bible but from what I have seen Him do in the past.

I could write a book about all that the Lord has done in my life to help me in time of need. Maybe some day I will.

But for now...you will have to take my word for it that my present circumstances are nothing compared to some of the things that God has brought me through in the past. Nothing.

Whether I end up having to move out or am able to come up with the $200 rent in the next few days...my one desire is that I not disgrace His holy name. He deserves to be honored and worshipped. He deserves our devotion for His kindness and mercy toward us all. In giving us what we do not deserve in life.

Carlos