Giving up being "Snarky" is quite difficult most days....

Recently I have found myself to be quite snarky when it comes to reading a lot of things posted on the forums. Relationship issues, parenting issues, landlord issues, noise issues, pick something issues. Why are there so many issues that need to be corrected by someone other than yourself?

Is it your perception that someone is determined to do something in their lives just to upset you specifically? Are you being targeted by your friends, family, neighbors, coworkers or the guy who gets your non fat, low fat, extra foamy, chocolate nutmeg latte? I seriously doubt any of the above is happening however, it could be possible.

Anyway, on to specifics for a wee bit. I guess I'll start with renters who feel the need to post on a public forum about lease legalities. How the heck does anyone here know what the legal terms of your lease are? I don't think any of us signed the lease with you, we are more than likely not your landlord and unless we are an attorney who happens to practice law in your state and knows about leases and legal terms no one here can help you. Contact a legal professional BEFORE you sign the lease and have it explained to you in detail on terms that you actually comprehend and understand.

Renters with parking issues: If you have assigned parking and someone else takes said space all the time take the necessary steps to ensure the landlord does what is required as a landlord to correct the situation. Put your concerns/complaints in writing, document the times the parking space is taken, keep copies of everything, attach a copy of your lease and continue up the management chain until the situation is taken care of properly OR MOVE.

The above paragraph also works with neighbors who are noisy, unruly or do not take their trash cans off of the curb when you think they are supposed to.

I think parenting should be next and this one is a pet peeve of mine along with relationships. The writing is on the wall so to speak and if parents would actually read what they write here they would completely understand how those of us who have grown children see them as "a parent who does not parent their child". Children are not short adults, they need to be taught what is right and wrong, how to behave in any situation, what is appropriate when it comes to dressing, speaking and manners. They generally cannot learn these things from television, video games, themselves or each other. Much like potty training it takes time, patience, persistance and effort on the part of the parent. There must be consequences for behavior that is not appropriate. There must be consequences for behavior that is not acceptable, disrespect in action, tone of voice or words. Idle threats will not change anything. Using excuses to justify how a child is behaving is just that an excuse. It is a lack of wanting to teach and to parent.

At my age I find it disgusting the way so called "parents" allow their children to "run" the household. The way a child is allowed to scream, cry, have a tantrum and get a toy or a snack just to quiet the child in the store. BULLPOOPY, that is NOT acceptable on any level for any reason and I NEVER allowed my children to behave that way. My Mother, Grandparents and the rest of my family NEVER allowed it either. It did NOT happen. We were taught right from wrong, we were taught manners, we were disciplined. If we misbehaved there were consequences there were not idle threats. We were told ONE TIME to straighten up and if we did not do as told there was NO SECOND CHANCE. Discipline happened and there were no threats just action.

If we were grounded for 7 days it was 7 full days from that moment. We did not get up the morning of that 7th day and leave the house unless the discipline started at 8:00am 7 days ago. If we got disciplined at 6:00pm we were grounded until 6:00pm. Lesson learned, life moved on.

We did chores and did not get "paid" for them in the form of an allowance. We kept our rooms cleaned up, put dirty clothes where they belonged, brought in eggs, milked cows, carried groceries, carried laundry, put clean clothes away, set out clothes for school the next day, did our homework, dusted, ran the sweeper, helped with dishes, helped with supper, set the table, etc. etc. etc. If we asked for a toy or snack and the answer was no, the answer was no and it remained no, and we did not ask a second time. My Mother did not have a stroller when we were children, she did not need one. We stayed by her side at all times when we were out in the world. There was no running around the grocery store or wherever we happened to be. When she stopped we stopped, when she continued moving we continued moving.

We were not perfect children by any stretch of the imagination but we were disciplined and we rarely misbehaved because we had been taught what is appropriate and acceptable and I thank my entire family for everything they taught me as a child.

I passed on the knowledge to my children and they are currently passing it on to their children. Life does have a domino affect and behaviors are passed down the generations. What the younger generations do with that knowledge is completely different at times from what we did with that knowledge as we became adults.

It saddens me to see so much physical, mental, spiritual, emotional and verbal abuse stated on the forums when it comes to relationships. It happens and I know first hand it happens because I had an abusive parent and it was NOT MY MOTHER. Unfortunately she was young, naive and in love and she could not see what was happening for many years. She finally did see the truth of how things were and she removed herself and her children from that situation immediately. It was the best thing that she could have done for herself and for us. I hesitate to refer to "him" as my Father or my Dad because in my opinion he was neither but "sperm donor" seems a bit trashy and crass at times. I have yet to figure out an appropriate term when I have to refer to him which is not often. He is not worth the time, effort and key strokes to write about.

Beyond the scope of my perception though is I am sure at times a valid reason for being a non parent I just really don't know what that reason would be. As much as I try not to judge others I do judge and I judge from the words they have written or their actions or lack of actions while in public with their children. I do often question how a parent thinks their child is actually going to grow up and make good decisions when the parent themselves cannot even put on real clothes and get out of their pajamas when going to a restaurant for breakfast. That one just blows my mind and I thank goodness the pajamas are long pants with the seven dwarfs on them and not some lacy, frilly lingerie type thing. I suppose wearing your pajamas to breakfast in public should not be an indicator of how one makes decisions in other areas of their lives however, it does make me wonder.

The rest of the story I suppose is if you post something on the forums that pertains to how you do something in your life don't expect everyone else to agree with how you do things. Expect others to criticize when they perceive your words as you trying to justify your decisions. Expect others to see your "I had my hands full of 50 things and could not control my child in the middle of a blizzard in the middle of the airport when the sun was going down and I was on my cell phone texting as well and that is why I had them on a leash (child harness)" as an excuse to not teach your child approrpiate behavior.

I have a cousin who has 16 children and none of them was ever put on a leash, they did not have to be tethered to anyone by anything. They were taught appropriate behavior, they were taught what is acceptable, they were taught right from wrong, they were shown consequences for their actions. They were also shown the greatest love from their parents one has ever seen. There was patience, understanding, comfort, discipline, joy, sorrow and teaching and it all came from their parents and the rest of their family.

So don't get upset and defensive when I or someone else tells you that your child "runs" your household when that is what we perceive from the words you yourself have written and posted on a public forum. Maybe take a step back and look at how you parent, how your relationship really is and how you may be perceived by your neighbors. Then as soon as you have your house in perfect order and your front porch swept off cast that first stone at your neighbor and see how it goes.

Otherwise, mind your home, life and business and leave others to mind theirs and QUIT POSTING ALL OF YOUR WOES ON A PUBLIC FORUM IF YOU WANT ONLY ANSWERS YOU WILL LIKE!