"Letters" To Kate
I recently opened my fictitious mailbag and found a lot of make-believe, self-made mail concerning romance. I received mail concerning other subjects too, like the national debt and the prospect of life on other planets, but most of the mail I get concerns romance. So in my blog I’ve decided to answer some of those particular questions posed to me. I shall commence…
[I]Katie,[/I]
[I]You sure are pretty [/I][I couldn’t resist][I]. I’ll bet you don’t have any trouble getting guys interested in you.[/I]
[I]Your Friend,[/I]
[I]Janice[/I]
Janice,
First, thanks for the compliment. I’m at the age (27) where college-age guys are either no longer interested in me, or I’m no longer interested in them. In fact, many of the guys who are my age are often recently married or in a committed relationship. Also, some of the activities I would do when I was younger, activities that potentially involved meeting single guys, I no longer find interesting. I’m speaking mainly of clubs, but there are other things too. So I am finding that these days guys aren’t growing on trees. I say all of this because I have just re-entered the dating world after three years of voluntary absence.
But anyway, I have never actually asked a guy out. Not overtly, anyway. But just the other day I made it known to a fellow employee, Mike, that I am interested and available. I said something like, “Mike, have you been to that new Thai restaurant on the north side? I’m just wondering how the food is.”
A guy would have to be a real dimwit not to take it from there. But yet my overture gives an easy out, just in case the guy is not interested. (And by the way, Mike was either not interested, or a dimwit.)
Thanks for the Letter,
Kate
[I]Dear Kate,[/I]
[I]I’m a young, unattached woman, almost your age, and I’m having trouble trying to decide how important sex should be at this point in my life. Do you have any advice?[/I]
[I]Thank you, [/I]
[I]Deanna [/I]
Deanna,
Most healthy, post puberty individuals think about sex a lot. So I guess sex is pretty important. I grew up with the notion that sex was supposed to be between two people who loved each other. I’m not sure I completely agree with that anymore. But on the other hand, having sex just for the sake of pleasure does seem cheap, and it has inherent dangers.
Just for the record, I have had a first date overnight encounter only once in my life and that was because the next day I was going to leave for many weeks, and I had had a wonderful evening with the guy in the equation. Other than that one time, it has taken a number of dates before I felt sufficiently comfortable with the guy. And again, just for the record, I have not had many partners. They could be counted on two hands, with a couple of fingers to spare. So I practice what I preach. At least most of the time.
Sexual desires are a tricky thing to handle. My advice would be to take each potential sexual interlude individually, give it some thought, and then proceed with caution, if one decides to proceed at all.
Your Friend,
Kate
[I]Hello Katie,[/I]
[I]I’m 24 and I’m asking for your help. There’re these two guys I’ve been dating. One is this really nice-looking guy. We go out to the bars and once we went to a movie. The other guy is like totally different. A few days ago we went bowling. I’ve never gone bowling in my life! Once we went to a park and just went for a walk and talked about stuff. I got to admit that when we do something, like when we went bowling, it is more fun than I would have thought, but still… I dunno… Anyhow, I’m going to have to make up my mind between these two guys. You got any thoughts?[/I]
[I]Help,[/I]
[I]Beth [/I]
Beth,
Well, this is a case of personal preference; [B][I]your[/I][/B] personal preference. But if I had to make the choice for you, I know who I’d choose. After all, you go out with a guy and do something that you are not enthused about doing, and you enjoy yourself anyway. That sounds like you might be on the verge of making a personal discovery. Nevertheless I warn; don’t be in too big a hurry to commit to either one, or anyone, for that matter. Ease into things. For the sake of simplicity, you might want to date one guy specifically, but hold-off on making any big decisions until you are sure about things.
Kate
[I]Hi,[/I]
[I]Are there any guys who are too ugly or gross for you? I’m a guy and I’m not asking because you are kind of cute [/I][there I go again!] [I]or because I’m bad looking, because I’m not . I’m more just curious.[/I]
[I]Thank you,[/I]
[I]Ted[/I]
Ted,
I’m a little bit embarrassed to say this, but I guess there are guys that are just too “hard on the eyes” for me to get serious about. I say that without pride because it is essentially admitting that as a person I am at least a little bit shallow.
There’s a theoretical line I have were if the guy is above the line he is on the “acceptable list”. Almost all the guys who make the “acceptable list” have the same status with me. However, if a guy is below the line, then sorry, I would have to decline. In my defense, it does not take a Mark Wahlberg look-alike to get above “the line”. I would guess that 90% of guys make the grade. Also, if some guy is intelligent, funny, polite, and we have the same interests, then I might lower “the line” specifically for this one guy. So almost no one is absolutely ruled out based on his looks.
Thanks For the Question,
Kate
[I]Katie,[/I]
[I]You sure are pretty [/I][I couldn’t resist][I]. I’ll bet you don’t have any trouble getting guys interested in you.[/I]
[I]Your Friend,[/I]
[I]Janice[/I]
Janice,
First, thanks for the compliment. I’m at the age (27) where college-age guys are either no longer interested in me, or I’m no longer interested in them. In fact, many of the guys who are my age are often recently married or in a committed relationship. Also, some of the activities I would do when I was younger, activities that potentially involved meeting single guys, I no longer find interesting. I’m speaking mainly of clubs, but there are other things too. So I am finding that these days guys aren’t growing on trees. I say all of this because I have just re-entered the dating world after three years of voluntary absence.
But anyway, I have never actually asked a guy out. Not overtly, anyway. But just the other day I made it known to a fellow employee, Mike, that I am interested and available. I said something like, “Mike, have you been to that new Thai restaurant on the north side? I’m just wondering how the food is.”
A guy would have to be a real dimwit not to take it from there. But yet my overture gives an easy out, just in case the guy is not interested. (And by the way, Mike was either not interested, or a dimwit.)
Thanks for the Letter,
Kate
[I]Dear Kate,[/I]
[I]I’m a young, unattached woman, almost your age, and I’m having trouble trying to decide how important sex should be at this point in my life. Do you have any advice?[/I]
[I]Thank you, [/I]
[I]Deanna [/I]
Deanna,
Most healthy, post puberty individuals think about sex a lot. So I guess sex is pretty important. I grew up with the notion that sex was supposed to be between two people who loved each other. I’m not sure I completely agree with that anymore. But on the other hand, having sex just for the sake of pleasure does seem cheap, and it has inherent dangers.
Just for the record, I have had a first date overnight encounter only once in my life and that was because the next day I was going to leave for many weeks, and I had had a wonderful evening with the guy in the equation. Other than that one time, it has taken a number of dates before I felt sufficiently comfortable with the guy. And again, just for the record, I have not had many partners. They could be counted on two hands, with a couple of fingers to spare. So I practice what I preach. At least most of the time.
Sexual desires are a tricky thing to handle. My advice would be to take each potential sexual interlude individually, give it some thought, and then proceed with caution, if one decides to proceed at all.
Your Friend,
Kate
[I]Hello Katie,[/I]
[I]I’m 24 and I’m asking for your help. There’re these two guys I’ve been dating. One is this really nice-looking guy. We go out to the bars and once we went to a movie. The other guy is like totally different. A few days ago we went bowling. I’ve never gone bowling in my life! Once we went to a park and just went for a walk and talked about stuff. I got to admit that when we do something, like when we went bowling, it is more fun than I would have thought, but still… I dunno… Anyhow, I’m going to have to make up my mind between these two guys. You got any thoughts?[/I]
[I]Help,[/I]
[I]Beth [/I]
Beth,
Well, this is a case of personal preference; [B][I]your[/I][/B] personal preference. But if I had to make the choice for you, I know who I’d choose. After all, you go out with a guy and do something that you are not enthused about doing, and you enjoy yourself anyway. That sounds like you might be on the verge of making a personal discovery. Nevertheless I warn; don’t be in too big a hurry to commit to either one, or anyone, for that matter. Ease into things. For the sake of simplicity, you might want to date one guy specifically, but hold-off on making any big decisions until you are sure about things.
Kate
[I]Hi,[/I]
[I]Are there any guys who are too ugly or gross for you? I’m a guy and I’m not asking because you are kind of cute [/I][there I go again!] [I]or because I’m bad looking, because I’m not . I’m more just curious.[/I]
[I]Thank you,[/I]
[I]Ted[/I]
Ted,
I’m a little bit embarrassed to say this, but I guess there are guys that are just too “hard on the eyes” for me to get serious about. I say that without pride because it is essentially admitting that as a person I am at least a little bit shallow.
There’s a theoretical line I have were if the guy is above the line he is on the “acceptable list”. Almost all the guys who make the “acceptable list” have the same status with me. However, if a guy is below the line, then sorry, I would have to decline. In my defense, it does not take a Mark Wahlberg look-alike to get above “the line”. I would guess that 90% of guys make the grade. Also, if some guy is intelligent, funny, polite, and we have the same interests, then I might lower “the line” specifically for this one guy. So almost no one is absolutely ruled out based on his looks.
Thanks For the Question,
Kate
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