Left Two Lanes Only
The water from the road splashes up on my windshield as the cars around me weave in and out of traffic. Navigating our Nations Capitols' beltway is not the funnest of tasks, most assuredly. Through the movement of my wipers the rain falls upon my windshield and all I can see are the dark clouds ahead.
It never fails. When I leave him, there is always bad weather. When I go to him the weather is always so very wonderful. Is this a sign? Is someone trying to tell me something? I don't know, but it sure feels like it.
I know my way now like the back of my hand but I still have my gps system on. Left two lanes only. Approaching the bridge now I find my mind drifting here and there, pondering so many things. I find myself thinking and over-thinking.
I love the man I am with. I love him so much and he means every thing to me. Even still, there are some things that have to change and my mind is plagued with it all.
Welcome to Maryland.
I don't want to be here, in Maryland. I don't want to leave him, but I have to. I find my self hesitantly packing my things, not wanting to go. Outside there is rainfall. It was the same the last time I left. The rain poured as I drove out of his driveway. Beautiful skies as I drove in.
My heart is heavy. I lay with him last night and normally, when I know I am going to leave him for a little while I hold him tight, not wanting to let go.
Not last night. Last night I decided it was time. Time for me to voice my feelings on a situation. Win, lose, or draw. I don't know which one I got.
My back turned to him he lay there with his arm around me, kissing the back of my hair and every once in a while reaching up to rub it. I switch to my stomach and he begins to rub my back in circles now.
My face stays facing away from him and there are no kisses, no "I love you's." Finally, he tells me, "Nighty-night," and kisses my hair. I say, "Good night" and try to go to sleep.
There is no sleep for me and he is restless. I finally put clothes on and go into the living room and try and make my hurt go away with music to no avail. My mind is every where.
Should I have said nothing? No. He has to know how I feel. I got back into bed and his breathing was as though he had just fallen asleep. I heard him shuffling around in bed from the living room.
I lay there on my side of the bed sadder than sad can be. It feels like he is a million miles away in that huge king sized bed and I just want to cry. I just want to reach out to him. I want him to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. Instead I lay there, billowing sleep to come.
It feels like hours and hours have passed and possibly I have slept a couple of hours. I am not alone, as he has tossed and turned all night. I can finally stand it no longer and at nearly four in the morning I move close to him and place my hand upon his back, ever so slightly. I want to wrap my arms around him but I can't do it.
I curl up with myself not as far away from him as I began but not as close as I would like to be. The time approaches that he normally wakes and we spend it just laying there cuddling, loving one another.
His body must need more sleep because his alarm goes off and he presses snooze a few times. Finally I move next to him and wrap my arm around his body, kissing the back of his head. I can't stay upset. I can't feel this way knowing that in less than two hours we will part for several days, which in turn, feels like forever.
He turns to me, and I am fully clothed. He kisses my lips and I smile. Inside I am still weary, but it feels absolutely wonderful, his touch. I sit up and remove my shirt so that our bodies may touch. The feeling of our closeness makes all the rest go away, if just for a little while....
I love this man, but the season of change approaches us.
It never fails. When I leave him, there is always bad weather. When I go to him the weather is always so very wonderful. Is this a sign? Is someone trying to tell me something? I don't know, but it sure feels like it.
I know my way now like the back of my hand but I still have my gps system on. Left two lanes only. Approaching the bridge now I find my mind drifting here and there, pondering so many things. I find myself thinking and over-thinking.
I love the man I am with. I love him so much and he means every thing to me. Even still, there are some things that have to change and my mind is plagued with it all.
Welcome to Maryland.
I don't want to be here, in Maryland. I don't want to leave him, but I have to. I find my self hesitantly packing my things, not wanting to go. Outside there is rainfall. It was the same the last time I left. The rain poured as I drove out of his driveway. Beautiful skies as I drove in.
My heart is heavy. I lay with him last night and normally, when I know I am going to leave him for a little while I hold him tight, not wanting to let go.
Not last night. Last night I decided it was time. Time for me to voice my feelings on a situation. Win, lose, or draw. I don't know which one I got.
My back turned to him he lay there with his arm around me, kissing the back of my hair and every once in a while reaching up to rub it. I switch to my stomach and he begins to rub my back in circles now.
My face stays facing away from him and there are no kisses, no "I love you's." Finally, he tells me, "Nighty-night," and kisses my hair. I say, "Good night" and try to go to sleep.
There is no sleep for me and he is restless. I finally put clothes on and go into the living room and try and make my hurt go away with music to no avail. My mind is every where.
Should I have said nothing? No. He has to know how I feel. I got back into bed and his breathing was as though he had just fallen asleep. I heard him shuffling around in bed from the living room.
I lay there on my side of the bed sadder than sad can be. It feels like he is a million miles away in that huge king sized bed and I just want to cry. I just want to reach out to him. I want him to hold me and tell me everything will be ok. Instead I lay there, billowing sleep to come.
It feels like hours and hours have passed and possibly I have slept a couple of hours. I am not alone, as he has tossed and turned all night. I can finally stand it no longer and at nearly four in the morning I move close to him and place my hand upon his back, ever so slightly. I want to wrap my arms around him but I can't do it.
I curl up with myself not as far away from him as I began but not as close as I would like to be. The time approaches that he normally wakes and we spend it just laying there cuddling, loving one another.
His body must need more sleep because his alarm goes off and he presses snooze a few times. Finally I move next to him and wrap my arm around his body, kissing the back of his head. I can't stay upset. I can't feel this way knowing that in less than two hours we will part for several days, which in turn, feels like forever.
He turns to me, and I am fully clothed. He kisses my lips and I smile. Inside I am still weary, but it feels absolutely wonderful, his touch. I sit up and remove my shirt so that our bodies may touch. The feeling of our closeness makes all the rest go away, if just for a little while....
I love this man, but the season of change approaches us.
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