Thanksgiving
Posted 12-01-2011 at 08:00 AM by Pikantari
I am looking out the windows now and the sky is bright and blue, just the smallest bit of movement in the trees. Hardly any of the fall colors remain and soon enough I will see nothing but the contrast of the darkness of the trees laying against the blue of the sky. Some puffy white clouds would surely enhance the picture.
I made it through Thanksgiving with my family without a tear shed by myself. It was certainly getting to be that time, I am quite sure. The pictures were coming out and we were all looking at them and discussing this and that.
It's always hard, without my parents around, because it was the holiday that belonged to them, by far. I am trying to think back to all the years since my fathers passing, and then my mothers. It's a hard task, it's been quite a few years. This year was the best one.
It was not because I didn't shed a tear, tears are ok, they let us know that we feel. Smiles are so much better, and mine was constant. I introduced a new person to our family this Thanksgiving. I smile now, just thinking of him.
I finally texted him this morning, well after nine. He told me it was about time. I guess he thought I was just getting up. No, I wasn't. He is right though, I normally text him much sooner than I did but I had thoughts to process.
I told him I had been up, but was thinking. He tells me I do that a lot, and maybe I do. Well no, there is no questioning it. I do. A little bit of small talk back and fourth and then I have to ask him a question.
I spoke with my brother about this last night. Along with it being my fathers birthday and me feeling like I am not worthy it was a rough day. I am trying to turn today around. I know if I don't try and turn it around now, I will spiral down. I always do this time of year....every year.
The depressing feelings came late this year. They waited til the day before my fathers birthday, when they normally come at the beginning of November. I was too happy. I still am, really. You wouldn't know it if you saw me on the street, though.
I made it through Thanksgiving with my family without a tear shed by myself. It was certainly getting to be that time, I am quite sure. The pictures were coming out and we were all looking at them and discussing this and that.
It's always hard, without my parents around, because it was the holiday that belonged to them, by far. I am trying to think back to all the years since my fathers passing, and then my mothers. It's a hard task, it's been quite a few years. This year was the best one.
It was not because I didn't shed a tear, tears are ok, they let us know that we feel. Smiles are so much better, and mine was constant. I introduced a new person to our family this Thanksgiving. I smile now, just thinking of him.
I finally texted him this morning, well after nine. He told me it was about time. I guess he thought I was just getting up. No, I wasn't. He is right though, I normally text him much sooner than I did but I had thoughts to process.
I told him I had been up, but was thinking. He tells me I do that a lot, and maybe I do. Well no, there is no questioning it. I do. A little bit of small talk back and fourth and then I have to ask him a question.
I spoke with my brother about this last night. Along with it being my fathers birthday and me feeling like I am not worthy it was a rough day. I am trying to turn today around. I know if I don't try and turn it around now, I will spiral down. I always do this time of year....every year.
The depressing feelings came late this year. They waited til the day before my fathers birthday, when they normally come at the beginning of November. I was too happy. I still am, really. You wouldn't know it if you saw me on the street, though.
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