Relationships...
Posted 07-01-2008 at 09:01 PM by mams1559
Why are relationships so difficult? I'm not talking necessarily just between one's self and their spouse or significant other, but also between you and your friends, coworkers, children and other family? I've just realized how bad I can be at it... and I'm the first to admit I wasn't very good at them to start with.
First example: I work with 4 others in my office. One is on vacation and two are out traveling to other offices most of the week. So that leaves me with one other in the office. She now takes this time to basically dump on me all her ill feelings and thoughts about everyone else. Why?? Is she hoping to gain me as an ally against them? Probably, but I don't play those games. I try to be upright and upfront about this situation, then she gets upset with me, like I did something wrong. I'll probably be the next one she talks about behind their back (if she doesn't already). Unnecessary stress is what it creates. I try my best to get along with everyone, regardless of differences, but this is getting ridiculous. The more I try to stay the high road and be cordial with everyone, the more I end up as the object of friction and discourse. Why does it have to be so hard? What more can I do to avoid this?
Second example: I've unknowingly offended my sister and her kids. Now, my family is quite close and we all get along for the most part. We enjoy each others company and are there whenever we're needed by another. However, I've just come to know that she feels "left out" more than included. She got word that me and my family and my brother's family went swimming at a state park a few weeks back and didn't invite her and her family. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing and it just didn't cross my mind to invite her. Was that really wrong? She says this happens frequently and gave a couple other examples.
Okay, I admit I didn't think I was leaving her out, but I see her point of view. I've got to apologize, but think any excuse I give will just sound hollow or make her feel worse. I don't want to do that or make her feel like I'm just trying to ease my conscience. It was simply my not realizing how she would be affected. Sort of going along with blinders on.
See, I said I wasn't good at relationships. They take work, especially the family ones. And when you come from a family with six brothers & sister (total), it gets even more difficult. There are natural bonds between one or two of us where things seem to go smoothly and then others where more effort is needed. I definatley need to work on my people-skills more. Time to take off the blinders.
First example: I work with 4 others in my office. One is on vacation and two are out traveling to other offices most of the week. So that leaves me with one other in the office. She now takes this time to basically dump on me all her ill feelings and thoughts about everyone else. Why?? Is she hoping to gain me as an ally against them? Probably, but I don't play those games. I try to be upright and upfront about this situation, then she gets upset with me, like I did something wrong. I'll probably be the next one she talks about behind their back (if she doesn't already). Unnecessary stress is what it creates. I try my best to get along with everyone, regardless of differences, but this is getting ridiculous. The more I try to stay the high road and be cordial with everyone, the more I end up as the object of friction and discourse. Why does it have to be so hard? What more can I do to avoid this?
Second example: I've unknowingly offended my sister and her kids. Now, my family is quite close and we all get along for the most part. We enjoy each others company and are there whenever we're needed by another. However, I've just come to know that she feels "left out" more than included. She got word that me and my family and my brother's family went swimming at a state park a few weeks back and didn't invite her and her family. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing and it just didn't cross my mind to invite her. Was that really wrong? She says this happens frequently and gave a couple other examples.
Okay, I admit I didn't think I was leaving her out, but I see her point of view. I've got to apologize, but think any excuse I give will just sound hollow or make her feel worse. I don't want to do that or make her feel like I'm just trying to ease my conscience. It was simply my not realizing how she would be affected. Sort of going along with blinders on.
See, I said I wasn't good at relationships. They take work, especially the family ones. And when you come from a family with six brothers & sister (total), it gets even more difficult. There are natural bonds between one or two of us where things seem to go smoothly and then others where more effort is needed. I definatley need to work on my people-skills more. Time to take off the blinders.
Total Comments 6
Comments
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Gotta love those co-workers, not to sound like a non-sociable at work, but Im come to the conclusion that the less anyone here knows about my personal feelings and what I do outside of work, the better. I think it just depends on the type of people you work with too.
Good old family mams, maybe instead if apoligizing, you could invite your sister and her family to the next get together, and make sure shes the first one invited. With family its always a slippery slope. Good luck my friend!Posted 07-02-2008 at 06:31 AM by arguy1973
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It is always best to keep your personal mams separate from the work place mams..The less they know the less they can say about you..Your sister, God Bless her
Six brothers!! Of course she feels left out..If she is the oldest, she probably feels the instinct to take care of all of you and wants that respect..If she is the youngest she wants to be included in everything because she idolizes you all. If she is a middle child she is just lost in the crowd..I read all that somewhere
..Your blogs are really good..Posted 07-02-2008 at 07:31 AM by Miss Blue
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Well, six siblings is a lot of relationships to juggle! Sometimes we have high expectations of those we're closest to. (I am an only child, but I tend to expect a lot from our closest friends.
) It is nice, though, that you have family that is close enough to do things together.Posted 07-02-2008 at 12:49 PM by kaykay
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Thanks for all the comments/suggestions, guys. I'll keep them in mind.
Just for clarity sake (because I'm anal [i.e. control freak] about such things) it's six kids total -- 5 boys 1 girl -- all 2 yrs apart. Sis falls in at #3, I'm #5. And yeah, a lot fell to her as far as watching us younger 3. Ironically, she's more laid back than I am
Posted 07-02-2008 at 07:54 PM by mams1559
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Ok, Mark! 5,6...12
whatever .....at that point it's all irrelevant~~still a lot of relationships to juggle!!!Posted 07-03-2008 at 01:52 PM by kaykay
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how did I miss this blog post? I feel for you, this sounds just like my dh. He never realizes when he has offended someone, and I get the task of telling him! just hang in there, and give Sis extra time and try to talk to her, one on one.Posted 07-14-2008 at 09:53 AM by aiangel_writer
