Life Reassessment
Posted 12-06-2008 at 08:53 PM by mams1559
Death has a peculiar way of making one take stock of their life ... what their dreams were, what dreams they still have, what they've accomplished, what they still have left to attain and what they'll be leaving behind. My father-in-law died one month ago (seems like yesterday) and helping the family through this ordeal has afforded me a unique perspective of what will be a reality for my own family some day.
Going through this situation, I can't help but ponder all the "what ifs" that plague my mind. I'm not afraid of my death itself for I am secure in my beliefs in that regard. I don't necessarily worry about the long-term care of my family either, as I know God will provide for them and care for them. However, I'd be a fool to not worry about the impact and ramifications on my family my passing would have on them emotionally and financially. This most recent death of a close family member has pointed that out to me once again. Now is not the time, exactly, to talk about this .. but soon the wife and I will have our talk (again) about all the "what ifs" and keeping our affairs in order and up to date.
But getting back to the reassessment aspect, I think it's something we all do. I know I have. I look back at wedding pictures and think about all the plans we had and everything we wanted to do together, places we wanted to see and the kind of life we wanted to build. Two kids on their own out to conquer the world so to speak or at least our own small corner of it.
Comparing those dreams to the reality, we missed our goals in some aspects but exceeded in others. I'm very proud of my children and know they will be wonderful and caring adults. We've had a few travels but I've learned that it's not the places you go, but the memories you make that are important. It's enjoying who you're with no matter the location. It's being able to reflect on those times and smiling and getting that warm, tender feeling.
Personally, there are still things I need to work on. I need to get in shape. I need to be more patient. I need to realize my way isn't the only way to get tasks done and quit being so picky (anal retentive as I like to say ... or OCD as the wife likes to say
). I need to be more thankful for all the blessings in my life. I need to be more appreciative of my family and friends. I need to relax more. I need to smile more.
But most of all I need to F.R.O.G. I admit that submitting all things to Him is harder and harder as I get older. It should be easier and easier. I know it's me. I know I'm willful. I know I think I can do better on my own, but I also know where that leads. I think my recent feelings of detachment have been for the above reasons.
I truly believe God is trying to get my attention in specific areas of my life and I'm trying to ignore him and go my own way. The melancholy feelings I've had, the sense of just drifting along without a purpose, without a direction are because I'm aware of what direction God is leading me towards and I'm dragging my feet. Admitting this "out loud" I hope will be the kick in the pants I need to just be still and hear Him and then to follow. I think my fighting what I'm feeling from the Spirit is why I've lost my voice on the forum. The Spirit is my voice and as I'm aware I'm out of sync with Him, my voice has gone silent.
Reassessment is almost never fun and it's certainly not easy to change what you recognize are deficiencies. However, once you recognize them, you'd be a fool not to address them. And my mama didn't raise no fool.
Going through this situation, I can't help but ponder all the "what ifs" that plague my mind. I'm not afraid of my death itself for I am secure in my beliefs in that regard. I don't necessarily worry about the long-term care of my family either, as I know God will provide for them and care for them. However, I'd be a fool to not worry about the impact and ramifications on my family my passing would have on them emotionally and financially. This most recent death of a close family member has pointed that out to me once again. Now is not the time, exactly, to talk about this .. but soon the wife and I will have our talk (again) about all the "what ifs" and keeping our affairs in order and up to date.
But getting back to the reassessment aspect, I think it's something we all do. I know I have. I look back at wedding pictures and think about all the plans we had and everything we wanted to do together, places we wanted to see and the kind of life we wanted to build. Two kids on their own out to conquer the world so to speak or at least our own small corner of it.
Comparing those dreams to the reality, we missed our goals in some aspects but exceeded in others. I'm very proud of my children and know they will be wonderful and caring adults. We've had a few travels but I've learned that it's not the places you go, but the memories you make that are important. It's enjoying who you're with no matter the location. It's being able to reflect on those times and smiling and getting that warm, tender feeling.
Personally, there are still things I need to work on. I need to get in shape. I need to be more patient. I need to realize my way isn't the only way to get tasks done and quit being so picky (anal retentive as I like to say ... or OCD as the wife likes to say
). I need to be more thankful for all the blessings in my life. I need to be more appreciative of my family and friends. I need to relax more. I need to smile more. But most of all I need to F.R.O.G. I admit that submitting all things to Him is harder and harder as I get older. It should be easier and easier. I know it's me. I know I'm willful. I know I think I can do better on my own, but I also know where that leads. I think my recent feelings of detachment have been for the above reasons.
I truly believe God is trying to get my attention in specific areas of my life and I'm trying to ignore him and go my own way. The melancholy feelings I've had, the sense of just drifting along without a purpose, without a direction are because I'm aware of what direction God is leading me towards and I'm dragging my feet. Admitting this "out loud" I hope will be the kick in the pants I need to just be still and hear Him and then to follow. I think my fighting what I'm feeling from the Spirit is why I've lost my voice on the forum. The Spirit is my voice and as I'm aware I'm out of sync with Him, my voice has gone silent.
Reassessment is almost never fun and it's certainly not easy to change what you recognize are deficiencies. However, once you recognize them, you'd be a fool not to address them. And my mama didn't raise no fool.
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