Softening My Hard Heart

As with everyone else, I was born to this world with a soft heart. As true for most, my flawed perceptions about the life I was born to gave me reason to let my heart grow hard and I let it happen.

My soft heart showed me that others suffered, my hardened heart blinded my eyes to their suffering -- and protected me from suffering. I chose to accept that we were responsible for our pain, by allowing others to hurt us, and therefore had no one to blame but ourselves for our hurts. (Am I my brother's keeper?) That gave me "permission" to be inconsiderate of others' feelings, and "protect" myself by putting up walls to keep them at a distance.

Without realizing it, I was bringing heaps of unexpected suffering to me, by creating this vacuum within me. I would not learn to tear down the walls until I reached my mid-50s.

I finally learned my lesson when I was listening to Pema Chodron tell the story about an early lesson of the heart taught to her, when an old woman told her: "little girl, don't let life harden your heart." I didn't understand that message for a long time. It kept playing through my head like a continuous loop, my mind worried it like a dog gnaws an old bone, trying to reach the lesson like an inner marrow.

Thankfully, through the worrying and my Mindfulness practice, the marrow was finally revealed and I came to understand what that old woman meant.

That's why I have come to love the teachings of Buddha, in conjunction with the other Christian-Judaic wisdom teachings. It takes the "judge not" and combines it with the "love others as" and takes them to the next level: Keeping one's heart soft prohibits one from building walls, and ignoring the pains.

Sadly, a heart long protected from the pains of the world can be more sensitive than the heart trained to remain soft in the presence of pain, while it heals the pain. Fortunately, each "hit" to the heart is another lesson that if attended to can bring greater compassion to oneself and to others.

It is this training that allows me to remain compassionate to those that hurt themselves and others, helping them to heal themselves and stop the pain on both sides.

God, I wish I would've learned the lessons sooner, but at least I know it now. Praise God by whatever name one wishes to call IT, so that we might all be healed from our misconceptions.

If you still struggle with your lessons learned incorrectly, I pray that my lessons help you with yours. If we can all deconstruct the walls around our hearts, the way for healing is opened, and we may all be healed.