Remembering My 3 Dads

You know, I was going to post a blog about missing my father. See, his birthday would be 11/16 and he would have been 66 this year. However, he died 10 years ago April due to injuries he sustained in a car accident.

Then Saturday, 11/8/08, I lost my other dad, my father-in-law, to complications from the surgery he had back in July. He never came home from the hospital and spent the past 4 months fighting to live. In the end it was too much to overcome.

Also, my maternal grandfather died 12 years ago on 11/7 from natural causes. Boy, I'm really beginning to dislike the month of November.

Besides having the month of November in common, they also have another thing in common ... they were all "Dads" to me. Each in their own way, they were all a father-figure to me. They were reflections of what was the right way, and sometimes the wrong way, to be a good father. They all taught me something and contributed to who I am today as a person and, more importantly, as a father to my own children.

My dad, who shared in giving me life, who helped raise me, was my first and largest father-figure. He was my first exposure to what a dad is, could be and in other aspects should not be. He was a very lovable man, who through most of my life drank way too much. He loved his kids, we all knew it, but he wasn't very good at expressing it -- whether verbally or physically. He wasn't so good at the dad thing when we were young as he admitted to me later in life, because he was better at being your friend and advisor than a rule setter/enforcer. He was a great best friend .. as long as it was over drinks in a bar.. than he was at being a parent. That did change towards the end of his life and we did begin a better father-son relationship ... if only we had more time. But I learned lessons from him. How to work on cars and how to work hard and play harder. How to enjoy what you have, no matter how meager. Live, laugh love could have been his mantra. He also showed me things a father shouldn't do... and I learned those lessons VERY well indeed.

My grandfather was my second father-figure most prominent in my life. My prior blog explains a lot about our relationship. He too was a loving man who fell into alcohol until later in life. Only then when he was sober did the true man reveal himself. That's the grandfather I remember best and who taught me love can be found in a grumpy wrapper. He taught me that intelligence and education are highly valued as well as a strong work ethic. But mostly it's surprising how he taught me, towards the last year of his life, a man could be gentle and still a man.

My father-in-law was my third father-figure in my life's journey. This man taught me things my first two dads couldn't. He expressed his love for his family outwardly, but in a "joking" sort of way. You knew he liked you if he picked on you was what I heard when I first joined his family 14 years ago. The greatest thing he taught me was responsibility ... responsibility for your family was first and foremost, as well as for yourself, your word and your deeds. Responsibility and accountability. As a father, he taught me you are the provider -- whether or not the wife works or the kids contribute to the household. The father is the ultimate provider and should not rest until the family provision is secure. He also had a strong work ethic and that your word was only as good as the follow through. If you were not true to you word, you were not worthy of resepct. I pray I earned his respect. I'm pretty sure I did, but never dared asked. One thing that did surprise me was his strength of character. I didn't know until several years after joining the family that he was a heavy alcoholic as well. But one day he quit... and never drank again. He smoked until one day he quit and never smoked again. He had a strength of character and a resolve I only wish I had.

I thank God for putting these men in my life. They were all wonderful men in their own unique way. They were all wonderful men whom I loved very much. Each relationship was dynamic and taught me life lessons. Each man contributed to who I am today. Each man gave me a glimpse, no matter how small, fleeting or brief, of the love my heavenly Father has for me. I mourn the most recent loss because it is so fresh and new, but I have an ache for the loss of them all that will be with me for the rest of my natural life. I love them all and miss them all terribly.....

However, I know there is a silver lining to all this. For as much as I miss them, and will always miss them, I know I'll see them again. That's a fact I know to be true because my Jesus has told me so.

Dads, I miss you and I love you. Until we meet again.....

"When we all get to heaven what a day of rejoicing that will be!"

PS - To everyone who has offered their love, support and prayers to me and my family during this difficult time --- Thank You. Love and blessings to you from the bottom of my heart <3