Always Here, Always the Same
Posted 09-21-2010 at 06:46 AM by LookinForMayberry
Sunday, DH and I went to a local craft store's sale on silk flowers, deciding it would be an inexpensive means to bring some color into our nearly monochromatic living room. Normally, we are challenged by collaboration, because we are two independent, willful "captains" of our respective "ships." Somehow, we managed to keep on course, and selected two attractive bunches, a couple of nice containers, and take a position in the lengthy checkout line.
We're both frugal, so we tallied the cost of our selections before arriving at the checkout, and split our coupons for maximum savings. He checked out without incident, and I took my place at the register, while he waited at the end of the desk.
When the clerk gave me my total, he exploded, "What!?" and charged back to the counter. "Print a copy of that receipt first!" he demanded in sharp, caustic tones. She meekly complied and he snatched the paper from her hands as if she was caught stealing it. I was embarrassed beyond words, for a time.
I had no lack of words once we got outside. In fact, I was a spring of words, bubbling up with vengeance, for most of the remainder of the day. I just could not let it go. Of course, he dismissed me as being totally unreasonable and moved on, but I doggedly dragged it back up, again, and again.
In retrospect, I was unreasonable. His actions are his concern, not mine. My problem was my anger with myself, not with him. I'd lost my cool when he lost his, and that was what I was upset about. I'd gotten myself trapped into that moment of embarrassment, and feeling the helplessness and shame, I came out "swinging."
With some passage of time, while out walking last night with DH and Bigun, I recalled a story of an Indian saint that Paramhansa Yogananda told in his "Autobiography of a Yogi." Regardless of the circumstances her life presented her, she remained calm and compassionate. Her mantra was: "Always here, always the same."
I determined that I need to adopt the same mantra. When I feel life's tug on my emotions, I need to recall her mantra and remain steadfast in my response. Adding my fuel to life's fires does nothing positive, and Lord knows we could use more positives in today's world.
May I have learned this difficult lesson so that others may not have to experience that pain. May others remain centered when those about them lose their way. May we all live in harmony, even when our "strings" are stretched and out of tune.
We're both frugal, so we tallied the cost of our selections before arriving at the checkout, and split our coupons for maximum savings. He checked out without incident, and I took my place at the register, while he waited at the end of the desk.
When the clerk gave me my total, he exploded, "What!?" and charged back to the counter. "Print a copy of that receipt first!" he demanded in sharp, caustic tones. She meekly complied and he snatched the paper from her hands as if she was caught stealing it. I was embarrassed beyond words, for a time.
I had no lack of words once we got outside. In fact, I was a spring of words, bubbling up with vengeance, for most of the remainder of the day. I just could not let it go. Of course, he dismissed me as being totally unreasonable and moved on, but I doggedly dragged it back up, again, and again.
In retrospect, I was unreasonable. His actions are his concern, not mine. My problem was my anger with myself, not with him. I'd lost my cool when he lost his, and that was what I was upset about. I'd gotten myself trapped into that moment of embarrassment, and feeling the helplessness and shame, I came out "swinging."
With some passage of time, while out walking last night with DH and Bigun, I recalled a story of an Indian saint that Paramhansa Yogananda told in his "Autobiography of a Yogi." Regardless of the circumstances her life presented her, she remained calm and compassionate. Her mantra was: "Always here, always the same."
I determined that I need to adopt the same mantra. When I feel life's tug on my emotions, I need to recall her mantra and remain steadfast in my response. Adding my fuel to life's fires does nothing positive, and Lord knows we could use more positives in today's world.
May I have learned this difficult lesson so that others may not have to experience that pain. May others remain centered when those about them lose their way. May we all live in harmony, even when our "strings" are stretched and out of tune.
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