If Religious Stories Were A Boxing Match
Posted 06-30-2010 at 05:14 PM by GCSTroop
"Ladies and Gentlemen... From Jerusalem's magnificent MGM Grand Casino and Hotel, we present to you a boxing match of Biblical proportions!
In the left corner, thirty-two years old, standing six feet tall and weighing 150 pounds, wearing the white tunic and slippers, with an astonishing record of 137-62-1 with 87 knockouts and 8 TKO's, is the man, the legend, the "Prince of Peace," the "Second Coming....." Jesus "King of the Jews" C-H-H-H-R-R-R-R-R-I-I-I-S-S-T!"
And, in the right corner, thirty-seven years old, standing tall at six feet two-inches, weighing 178 lbs, wearing a red robe and slippers, with a mind-blowing record of 243-4-5 with 93 knockouts, 37 TKO's and 6 crucifixions, the remaining world champion, the "Prefect of Judaea," the "Judge and Jury," the "Penalty of Sin," we have Pontius "Execution Style" P-I-I-I-L-A-A-A-T-T-E.
Ladies and Gentleman! Let's get ready to R-U-U-U-U-M-M-M-M-B-B-L-L-L-E-E!!!"
Alright gentlemen. I want to see a good, clean fight. No blows below the belt, no head butts, and no biting. Good luck, gentlemen!
*DING*
Alright, Judas, what are you expecting from in this fight?
Well, Mark, I'm expecting a good, clean fight. I think the two are going to trade blows for a little while but Jesus has a hard time on the attack. He plays mostly a defensive game and tries to wear down his opponent with obstinate refusals of anything that gets thrown at him. He's been known to suffer for a while before matches get called. But, beware of him later on as he's been known to resurrect himself. When that happens, there's no telling what the end result will be. But, my money is on Pontius for this match.
I don't know, Judas, I know you've been a fan of Jesus for a long time but it sounds almost like you're betraying him. I've seen Jesus do some pretty remarkable things and I can see where he gets his nickname from. On the other hand, don't ever discount the persistent brutality of Pilate. Don't forget. He was once a Roman fighter known for his strength both inside and outside the boxing ring. He's well known for stunning combinations of thorny crowns, savage beatings, and what he likes to call "crucifixion." I think it's going to be a close match but I have Jesus winning this one if not by K-O than by decision.
*Ding*
That's the end of the first match. Not much action as it seemed like the two fighters were feeling one another out. Let's go to Jesus' corner and see what his coach has to say.
Come on, fool! Get in there and start hitting him in the face. Face, face, body. Face, face, body. Stand up for yourself. Don't let him get in on you!
*Ding*
The second round has just begun. And Pilate starts out with a wicked right hand straight to Jesus' jaw. It looks like it rattled him for a second but he's back in his defensive posture for the time being. The throws keep coming from Pilate, though. He's working Jesus over but Jesus seems to be holding his ground.
Judas and I had the pleasure of eating dinner with Jesus last night. It was his last supper before the big event and he seemed to be very focused on what was going to happen today. He did seem a little paranoid as he thought someone was going to betray him before the fight.
Wow, Mark! I didn't hear him talking about that... I wonder what he could possibly mean?
Oh, there goes Jesus with a combination of his own! Two jabs and an uppercut. That's about the only real attack we've seen him throw thus far. As you can see, it looks like he snuck in a few punches with his left fist and followed it up with a right. Jesus has been getting pretty good as a Southpaw, wouldn't you say so, Judas?
Oh, without a doubt! His left has really improved.
*Ding*
Come on, Pilate! You gotta work his body a little more. Get him on the ropes! Hit him from the front as the ropes hit his back. You can do this. I know you can!
*Ding*
Looks like Pilate's coming out swinging in this round. Oh, look! He's got Jesus on the ropes! He's hitting Jesus in the face, in the body, the ropes are stinging his backside! Jesus has a cut over his left eye... and his right eye! There's blood all over the place! He's streaming blood down his face! Pilate's not giving in either. He's hammering him hard. He's on the all out attack.
This does not bode well for Jesus, Judas. I don't know how much more of this he can take. Pilate is administering quite a beating. Oh, Jesu... dear... it looks like Jesus is in the corner. His arms are outstretched. Pilate is wailing on him. The referee needs to call this bout soon. This is getting ugly. The referee is just standing by letting this happen! Oh, the humanity!
I can't believe what we're seeing. Jesus is backed up to the pole in the corner. His arms are outstretched and Pilate keeps wailing on him. The referee is just letting it all happen. Not even the slightest amount of interference. It looks like Pilate just stabbed Jesus in the wrists and ankles. He's doing his fabled "crucifixion." He's about to drive a large stake through the chest of Jesus... Oh... That had to hurt. This looks like it... Surely the referee will call it soon.
*Ding*
Wow. The round is over and it looks like Jesus is having a hard time getting to his corner as it appears as though he's stapled to the opposite corner of the ring. He's breathing heavy. He's not doing well. I think he just died.
Yeah... It would appear that he did just die.
What happens next?
*Ding*
It's been a little while and Jesus isn't moving. I think they're going to take his body away now. The referee still hasn't done anything to stop the fight. Is the referee even there?
It surely doesn't seem like it. It looks like he just disappeared. This referee is known to do that in times of crisis. He just disappeared.
They've just carted Jesus' body out of the arena.
Pilate is standing there wondering what to do next. He wants to know if he's won. The crowd is silent. No one seems to know what to do.
*Ding*
Holy Christ! It looks like Jesus has been resurrected! It took a little while but he's back and he looks meaner than ever! I can't believe I ever doubted him!
Me either! What's going to happen next?
Who knows... This is getting stranger by the minute. The crowd is chanting his name. Pilate ran out of the building.
One thing is for sure. This is going to be one fight that goes down in the books as one of the most savage ever.
Ladies and gentleman... Stay tuned as the second coming of Christ has just begun!
In the left corner, thirty-two years old, standing six feet tall and weighing 150 pounds, wearing the white tunic and slippers, with an astonishing record of 137-62-1 with 87 knockouts and 8 TKO's, is the man, the legend, the "Prince of Peace," the "Second Coming....." Jesus "King of the Jews" C-H-H-H-R-R-R-R-R-I-I-I-S-S-T!"
And, in the right corner, thirty-seven years old, standing tall at six feet two-inches, weighing 178 lbs, wearing a red robe and slippers, with a mind-blowing record of 243-4-5 with 93 knockouts, 37 TKO's and 6 crucifixions, the remaining world champion, the "Prefect of Judaea," the "Judge and Jury," the "Penalty of Sin," we have Pontius "Execution Style" P-I-I-I-L-A-A-A-T-T-E.
Ladies and Gentleman! Let's get ready to R-U-U-U-U-M-M-M-M-B-B-L-L-L-E-E!!!"
Alright gentlemen. I want to see a good, clean fight. No blows below the belt, no head butts, and no biting. Good luck, gentlemen!
*DING*
Alright, Judas, what are you expecting from in this fight?
Well, Mark, I'm expecting a good, clean fight. I think the two are going to trade blows for a little while but Jesus has a hard time on the attack. He plays mostly a defensive game and tries to wear down his opponent with obstinate refusals of anything that gets thrown at him. He's been known to suffer for a while before matches get called. But, beware of him later on as he's been known to resurrect himself. When that happens, there's no telling what the end result will be. But, my money is on Pontius for this match.
I don't know, Judas, I know you've been a fan of Jesus for a long time but it sounds almost like you're betraying him. I've seen Jesus do some pretty remarkable things and I can see where he gets his nickname from. On the other hand, don't ever discount the persistent brutality of Pilate. Don't forget. He was once a Roman fighter known for his strength both inside and outside the boxing ring. He's well known for stunning combinations of thorny crowns, savage beatings, and what he likes to call "crucifixion." I think it's going to be a close match but I have Jesus winning this one if not by K-O than by decision.
*Ding*
That's the end of the first match. Not much action as it seemed like the two fighters were feeling one another out. Let's go to Jesus' corner and see what his coach has to say.
Come on, fool! Get in there and start hitting him in the face. Face, face, body. Face, face, body. Stand up for yourself. Don't let him get in on you!
*Ding*
The second round has just begun. And Pilate starts out with a wicked right hand straight to Jesus' jaw. It looks like it rattled him for a second but he's back in his defensive posture for the time being. The throws keep coming from Pilate, though. He's working Jesus over but Jesus seems to be holding his ground.
Judas and I had the pleasure of eating dinner with Jesus last night. It was his last supper before the big event and he seemed to be very focused on what was going to happen today. He did seem a little paranoid as he thought someone was going to betray him before the fight.
Wow, Mark! I didn't hear him talking about that... I wonder what he could possibly mean?
Oh, there goes Jesus with a combination of his own! Two jabs and an uppercut. That's about the only real attack we've seen him throw thus far. As you can see, it looks like he snuck in a few punches with his left fist and followed it up with a right. Jesus has been getting pretty good as a Southpaw, wouldn't you say so, Judas?
Oh, without a doubt! His left has really improved.
*Ding*
Come on, Pilate! You gotta work his body a little more. Get him on the ropes! Hit him from the front as the ropes hit his back. You can do this. I know you can!
*Ding*
Looks like Pilate's coming out swinging in this round. Oh, look! He's got Jesus on the ropes! He's hitting Jesus in the face, in the body, the ropes are stinging his backside! Jesus has a cut over his left eye... and his right eye! There's blood all over the place! He's streaming blood down his face! Pilate's not giving in either. He's hammering him hard. He's on the all out attack.
This does not bode well for Jesus, Judas. I don't know how much more of this he can take. Pilate is administering quite a beating. Oh, Jesu... dear... it looks like Jesus is in the corner. His arms are outstretched. Pilate is wailing on him. The referee needs to call this bout soon. This is getting ugly. The referee is just standing by letting this happen! Oh, the humanity!
I can't believe what we're seeing. Jesus is backed up to the pole in the corner. His arms are outstretched and Pilate keeps wailing on him. The referee is just letting it all happen. Not even the slightest amount of interference. It looks like Pilate just stabbed Jesus in the wrists and ankles. He's doing his fabled "crucifixion." He's about to drive a large stake through the chest of Jesus... Oh... That had to hurt. This looks like it... Surely the referee will call it soon.
*Ding*
Wow. The round is over and it looks like Jesus is having a hard time getting to his corner as it appears as though he's stapled to the opposite corner of the ring. He's breathing heavy. He's not doing well. I think he just died.
Yeah... It would appear that he did just die.
What happens next?
*Ding*
It's been a little while and Jesus isn't moving. I think they're going to take his body away now. The referee still hasn't done anything to stop the fight. Is the referee even there?
It surely doesn't seem like it. It looks like he just disappeared. This referee is known to do that in times of crisis. He just disappeared.
They've just carted Jesus' body out of the arena.
Pilate is standing there wondering what to do next. He wants to know if he's won. The crowd is silent. No one seems to know what to do.
*Ding*
Holy Christ! It looks like Jesus has been resurrected! It took a little while but he's back and he looks meaner than ever! I can't believe I ever doubted him!
Me either! What's going to happen next?
Who knows... This is getting stranger by the minute. The crowd is chanting his name. Pilate ran out of the building.
One thing is for sure. This is going to be one fight that goes down in the books as one of the most savage ever.
Ladies and gentleman... Stay tuned as the second coming of Christ has just begun!
Total Comments 1
Comments
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Goliath Hands Down
Goliath would technically win them all then lol.Posted 03-06-2019 at 01:02 AM by BryceSouthBay
