The Prodigal Adviser Returns!
Posted 06-30-2010 at 01:23 PM by EmmyNoether
After not sleeping well another night, due to self-flagellation and a busy mind, I woke up with at comfort that I was going to see my adviser today. I spent the morning looking over the 15 pages of materials (3 documents, 5 pages each) to remind myself of the last 4 weeks of work that I had summarized. The latest document was finished yesterday, so at least that one was pretty fresh. After having done that, I sat and tried to take my mind off what I giant disappointment I am to myself by indulging in guilty pleasure of online crossword puzzles. I would have done work, but I couldn't find the creativity of where to go onto next. I had been self-motivated for a while and of the two areas, one I still had questions to ask of my adviser and the other, I put to rest.
I just ended my meeting with my adviser and I can only guess as to whether he was indeed impressed. We only made it through part of one of the documents - the first that I sent him. With my help, he got in an hour what took me 2 weeks to get through. We argued over points, and I am quite proud to report I won some of those arguments. We discussed theory, examples, and really had a great collaboration. At one point we had a race to see who could derive a formula quicker. He said, "First one to get it gets the PhD!" I responded like the habitual slow-poke, "Not fair! You already have one!." He did say he'd look into helping me out with the funding for next year. He also gave me a whole new set of directions to go into. Just as I began to feel my chest constricting with the stress of not being able to get it all done by next Wednesday, he dropped the: "I'm gone next week." Figures. I hope that after that he really is around as he claims.
I feel like since writing this blog and re-starting this project, I've been developing a much better relationship with my adviser. To be honest, on the other projects, I really didn't care much for the work and I was dragging. I guessed he never knew, but there is a chance he could tell. I also didn't really know what he was talking about most of the time and made a lot of mistakes that probably gave him reason to think I wasn't that good. Now, however, I get it. I understand what I'm doing and I'm good at it. I'm motivated to work and pump out a lot more than he expects and I can argue him down with a deeper level of understanding than he. This is, I believe, building respect, leading to a partnership, and creating a dynamic collaboration with which we are both pleased. I feel like I really have grown in the last 2 months as a mathematician and a professional. Now, if only I could get the personal part in check. Then, I will be my own brand of perfect.
I just ended my meeting with my adviser and I can only guess as to whether he was indeed impressed. We only made it through part of one of the documents - the first that I sent him. With my help, he got in an hour what took me 2 weeks to get through. We argued over points, and I am quite proud to report I won some of those arguments. We discussed theory, examples, and really had a great collaboration. At one point we had a race to see who could derive a formula quicker. He said, "First one to get it gets the PhD!" I responded like the habitual slow-poke, "Not fair! You already have one!." He did say he'd look into helping me out with the funding for next year. He also gave me a whole new set of directions to go into. Just as I began to feel my chest constricting with the stress of not being able to get it all done by next Wednesday, he dropped the: "I'm gone next week." Figures. I hope that after that he really is around as he claims.
I feel like since writing this blog and re-starting this project, I've been developing a much better relationship with my adviser. To be honest, on the other projects, I really didn't care much for the work and I was dragging. I guessed he never knew, but there is a chance he could tell. I also didn't really know what he was talking about most of the time and made a lot of mistakes that probably gave him reason to think I wasn't that good. Now, however, I get it. I understand what I'm doing and I'm good at it. I'm motivated to work and pump out a lot more than he expects and I can argue him down with a deeper level of understanding than he. This is, I believe, building respect, leading to a partnership, and creating a dynamic collaboration with which we are both pleased. I feel like I really have grown in the last 2 months as a mathematician and a professional. Now, if only I could get the personal part in check. Then, I will be my own brand of perfect.
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