Can I Whine a Little?
I don't know about this blogging stuff. I've never "blogged" before but I am in the mood for a rant/vent today.
So I guess this is as good of place as any. So forewarned...
Here goes...many of you who know me on this forum are well aware that my much beloved only child died seven years ago next month at the age of 16. Most of my grief centered obviously around losing him and him alone. But I also grieve for the life we will never have now....primarily grandchildren. And it's particularly bothering me today.
It seems like all our friend's lives now primarily revolve around their kids/grandkids to a certain extent, and I suppose if Aaron were still alive ours would too. But when the conversation consistently goes in that direction, it hurts for what we feel like we are missing...My husband pointed out that I have never even especially liked children if I'm totally honest. Yes, but... I dearly loved my Aaron, and I can't believe I wouldn't have also loved his kids as well. And besides, I know it hurts my husband deeply although he will seldom express it for fear of hurting me.
I don't know the answer. Some new childless friends?? LOL! I just don't know. Sometimes there is no answer, and I think this is one of those times. It is what it is. I know that I should be grateful for the blessings I do have in my life instead of focusing on what I do not, but today I just don't feel that way.
Ok, rant/whine/pity party over. You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.
So I guess this is as good of place as any. So forewarned...Here goes...many of you who know me on this forum are well aware that my much beloved only child died seven years ago next month at the age of 16. Most of my grief centered obviously around losing him and him alone. But I also grieve for the life we will never have now....primarily grandchildren. And it's particularly bothering me today.
It seems like all our friend's lives now primarily revolve around their kids/grandkids to a certain extent, and I suppose if Aaron were still alive ours would too. But when the conversation consistently goes in that direction, it hurts for what we feel like we are missing...My husband pointed out that I have never even especially liked children if I'm totally honest. Yes, but... I dearly loved my Aaron, and I can't believe I wouldn't have also loved his kids as well. And besides, I know it hurts my husband deeply although he will seldom express it for fear of hurting me.
I don't know the answer. Some new childless friends?? LOL! I just don't know. Sometimes there is no answer, and I think this is one of those times. It is what it is. I know that I should be grateful for the blessings I do have in my life instead of focusing on what I do not, but today I just don't feel that way.
Ok, rant/whine/pity party over. You may now return to your regularly scheduled program.
Total Comments 14
Comments
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Kaykay, I really don't know what to say that will comfort you or make anything better, (you know all the tired clichè's) but here's a hug for you (( ))! Prayers for you as you near the anniversary..Posted 06-24-2008 at 10:46 AM by cg81
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Kaykay - it's okay to rant, whine...parents never really get over the grieving 100% and certain events somehow just make you relive things and ask the what-if questions you would rather not if you could help it. I know that there are organizations of parents who have lost their children, and while I am blessed that I have found no need to check that site out, it is a comfort to know they are there. Perhaps they are really more for those who have more recently suffered the loss of a child, but I'm sure there would be some who like yourself, have found the need to look to other ways to cope many years after. If the grandkid virus would not leave you, would you consider being camp counselors for the summer? That would put you around many many kids, if this is what you are looking to get. Otherwise, I will slink away now! My best to you and yours...Posted 06-24-2008 at 10:47 AM by BagongBuhay
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Bless you... I can't even imagine the pain you've experienced. There are no words alone that can comfort. You might think me very simplistic or silly, but i believe that one day you will see Aaron again... and that he still lives in your heart. (((hugs))))Posted 06-24-2008 at 12:28 PM by JoAnn5
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kaykay,
My heart goes out to you and your husband. I can not imagine the lose of one of my children. If you feel the need/desire to have grandchildren and you think that you could give them grandmotherly love, I would suggest that you look around your church family and see if there is a family in need of grandparents. This is something that touches close to my heart. My children are without grandparents and I so wish they had some. In fact, I suggested to my husband this past weekend that we run an ad for some in our church bullitin.
Keeping you in my prayers.
<><Posted 06-24-2008 at 01:36 PM by weatherologist
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Kay, I can't think of any more loving gramma you would be..Kids love a gramma with wit and humor and you have both.. How about you be a volunteer sitter on the pediatric floor of one of your hospitals? This would also give tired parents an hour or so to rest up.. You would be wonderful in that role..Sick kids would be comforted by your love and fun..If you lived near I would be honored to share mine..Posted 06-24-2008 at 02:20 PM by Miss Blue
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Thanks for the comments...
Thanks for all the love and kind comments. You guys are so sweet, so compassionate. I truly was not seeking sympathy. (Yeah, right, you all say!
) Just a rant...expressing my frustration at the way things have transpired. The verbal equivalent of kicking over a chair and just saying, "I DON'T WANT IT TO BE THIS WAY!" if that makes any sense!
Probably not the best thing to do, but I do feel better just expressing it. I guess it beats kicking over a chair!
(And Joanne5, not silly at all! As a Christian, to believe that we will again see Aaron is our "blessed hope.")Posted 06-24-2008 at 03:43 PM by kaykay
Updated 06-24-2008 at 04:01 PM by kaykay -
kaykay,
I'm sorry for your loss. You were blessed to have Aaron in your life. Think how lucky everyone who knew him were also blessed. And you are blessing our lives by reminding us how important our loved ones are and not to take them for granted.
Have you thought about being a foster family? It sounds to me like you would be a great foster mom. Just a thought.
Bless you.Posted 06-26-2008 at 08:22 PM by BabetteInSTL2
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kaykay, I echo the sentiments expressed here for your loss. But I was also thinking along the lines some others have shared. Have you possibly considered being a foster parent or, if not that, is there a program you can be like a volunteer grandma, and not just at hospitals, but also for children who don't have grandparents in their lives? It may be a blessing both ways.Posted 06-26-2008 at 09:42 PM by mams1559
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wow, what can I say that has not already been said. I, too, was thinking that you would make a wonderful foster grandparent. Your love and kindness would immediately bring a smile to a child. And I know the parents would be overjoyed.
Truly, God is working thru you with a gentle reminder to us all, and me especially, to hug and love our children and be thankfulf for them each and every day.
I love ya dear sister, and wish I could make the hurt go away.Posted 06-26-2008 at 10:05 PM by aiangel_writer
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KayKay.....A loss so great is never totally over......
I carry such a loss along in my heart also.
I can say that I have had some great" out of family" experiences. Sometimes having an exchange student remains a forever situation. We have kept very close for over 20 years with ours. I also have been a "second" Mom to other teen friends of our daughters from back when. Even the Brazil girls who came to work at Camelback this winter became our friends.........and we were not home the entire winter to enjoy their company regretfully.
There is some pleasure to be had in reaching out to do a few of these things. It is a great feeling for all involved.
It can make your heart feel good, and thats a pleasant thing.Posted 06-27-2008 at 06:06 PM by Summering
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KayKay, I'm so very sorry for your hurt and pain and would like to say something that would make your feelings of loss go away but you are the only one that can do that. I became a foster parent in my mid fifties against my wishes at the time but simply did it because the need was great and nowhere for these children so I did put my hand up and have two children a brother and sister. If it's in you to do this then do it although it's not an easy road but one with great rewards and your loss won't feel so strong because you will have you hands and mind occupied with children that need you now and in time will be very gratefull for the opportunities that they will get from having come into your life. This will fill a big hole in your life although it will never take the place of your dear son but you will be doing something very worthwhile and there are so many unwanted children out there that need our love and protection. As you said don't focus on what is in the past because it's gone and nothing can be done to bring it back....but you are now in this moment able to do many many wonderful things to make someone else happy and in doing so enrich your life ....it may be one of the other things that have been mentioned as well. Also be greatful for the 16years that you did have with your son and the blessing you got having had him for those years. All the best to youPosted 07-09-2008 at 10:41 PM by koalakid
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Thanks for your good advice koalakid and kind words. I have kicked the "foster parent" idea around a bit, but I can tell you that I don't think that this is something my husband is interested in pursuing.Posted 07-10-2008 at 10:03 AM by kaykay
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first of all kaykay i want to say sorry for your loss ..losing a child is never easy ..i thought about it long and hard how i my self never wanted kids to the ones who have them then lose them its sad .. your so right it hurts hearing others say oh lil jonny did this .. or lil sandys the apple in grandma's eyes blah blah .. you sound like you'd of made a wonderful grandmother ... ihope in time your pain eases up i know it wont ever go away ... i lost both my mom & father and the pain has never left me .. but i go on doing the best i can ..Posted 09-06-2008 at 09:14 AM by brenda starz
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Childless, happily, age 44 and fabulous woman here! I am sorry for your loss. I just discovered blogging too and love it. It makes me write more and that is important, because I am a Writer of sorts. At least I have been writing since age 12.Posted 09-08-2008 at 09:44 PM by Artsywoman
