Ted Haggard Celebrates Gay Recovery - Can't Wait To Watch Olympic Figure Skating, Oscars With Family
Posted 01-30-2010 at 01:49 AM by GCSTroop
Colorado Springs, CO - Ted Haggard, the disgraced and troubled former New Life Church pastor, sat with his wife, Gayle and Larry King on CNN's Larry King Live to make several very enterprising announcements yesterday.
Mr. Haggard, who ran a very outspokenly anti-homosexual church, was found out to have sought sexual favors from a male prostitute and also used crystal meth in his presence. Mr. Haggard was also found to have had sex with a troubled youth who was undergoing a similar sexual identity crisis as that of Mr. Haggard.
Despite all of that, his wife Gayle says she never thought for a second of leaving her husband. "It's not like he had sex with another woman. That might be grounds for leaving him. But, I know my husband and I know he's not gay. So, having a little sex with men on the side is not something I consider to be an offense worth divorcing over. It doesn't really count if you're not gay, right?"
Ted was appreciative of his wife's support while saying that praying the gay away was one of the hardest struggles of his life. "I would sit down and pray to God to help me with this horrible sexual problem I'd been infected with. Sometimes, if I focused just right, I could feel God's hand reaching out to touch me. But, then, I'd begin to wonder if it was OK for God to touch me and I'd start to feel like maybe it was the gay in me. I'd stop praying and I'd go into isolation to contemplate whether or not it was sinful for God to touch me. This made it very difficult for any sort of 'gay away' prayer to become effective."
After Haggard was pressured to resign from the ministry he started, he struggled with bouts of depression and homo-erotic feelings even more. "Sometimes I'd just be cruising the internet and I would get this sudden urge to go shopping at Pier 1 Imports," Haggard said.
However, he still thanked God for finally leading him down the right path. "It was like he just reached out and touched me in the right spot one day and said 'Ted, I'm going to cure your ailment.' After that, my life changed for the better. I no longer felt like boning some dude under an overpass or in a pay-by-hour hotel anymore. I didn't even fantasize about giving oral sex to men in their twenties at a bus station in Boise. It was like it all went away."
Gayle Haggard was equally convinced of Ted's transformation as being divinely inspired. "Our sex life had basically disappeared ever since Ted caught 'The Gay.' After good Christian couples psychotherapy, we're now having sex once or twice a month. In fact, he doesn't even close his eyes and whisper the name 'Mike' anymore when we are having sex."
Larry King asked what the Haggards would like to do to celebrate Ted's recent liberation and successful recovery from "The Gay."
"We don't have any specific plans yet," Mr. Haggard said, "but I can't wait to sit down and watch Men's Olympic Figure Skating this February. Soon after that, the Oscars are on television and there's nothing more I'd like than to watch it all with my 100% completely heterosexual family."
Mr. Haggard, who ran a very outspokenly anti-homosexual church, was found out to have sought sexual favors from a male prostitute and also used crystal meth in his presence. Mr. Haggard was also found to have had sex with a troubled youth who was undergoing a similar sexual identity crisis as that of Mr. Haggard.
Despite all of that, his wife Gayle says she never thought for a second of leaving her husband. "It's not like he had sex with another woman. That might be grounds for leaving him. But, I know my husband and I know he's not gay. So, having a little sex with men on the side is not something I consider to be an offense worth divorcing over. It doesn't really count if you're not gay, right?"
Ted was appreciative of his wife's support while saying that praying the gay away was one of the hardest struggles of his life. "I would sit down and pray to God to help me with this horrible sexual problem I'd been infected with. Sometimes, if I focused just right, I could feel God's hand reaching out to touch me. But, then, I'd begin to wonder if it was OK for God to touch me and I'd start to feel like maybe it was the gay in me. I'd stop praying and I'd go into isolation to contemplate whether or not it was sinful for God to touch me. This made it very difficult for any sort of 'gay away' prayer to become effective."
After Haggard was pressured to resign from the ministry he started, he struggled with bouts of depression and homo-erotic feelings even more. "Sometimes I'd just be cruising the internet and I would get this sudden urge to go shopping at Pier 1 Imports," Haggard said.
However, he still thanked God for finally leading him down the right path. "It was like he just reached out and touched me in the right spot one day and said 'Ted, I'm going to cure your ailment.' After that, my life changed for the better. I no longer felt like boning some dude under an overpass or in a pay-by-hour hotel anymore. I didn't even fantasize about giving oral sex to men in their twenties at a bus station in Boise. It was like it all went away."
Gayle Haggard was equally convinced of Ted's transformation as being divinely inspired. "Our sex life had basically disappeared ever since Ted caught 'The Gay.' After good Christian couples psychotherapy, we're now having sex once or twice a month. In fact, he doesn't even close his eyes and whisper the name 'Mike' anymore when we are having sex."
Larry King asked what the Haggards would like to do to celebrate Ted's recent liberation and successful recovery from "The Gay."
"We don't have any specific plans yet," Mr. Haggard said, "but I can't wait to sit down and watch Men's Olympic Figure Skating this February. Soon after that, the Oscars are on television and there's nothing more I'd like than to watch it all with my 100% completely heterosexual family."
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