Sailor Hat, Bulging Forearm and Pipe Found In Can of Spinach
Posted 11-03-2009 at 03:39 AM by GCSTroop
Betsy Lawler found herself in quite the quandary while cooking dinner for her family of five on Monday evening. In what appears to be an obvious case of contamination from the factory; a sailor hat, a bulging piece of a man's forearm with an anchor tattoo, and a pipe were found in her can of spinach.
"I was shocked and horrified at first," said Lawler. "There I was just hoping to fix a nice dinner for my family and I gasped in horror when I poured the contents of the spinach can into the pot. The last thing you expect to find are partial human remains of a sailor when cooking spinach."
The famous Popeye brand of spinach has come under some recent scrutiny for its manufacturing processes after several outbreaks of E. coli struck its immediate distribution area. They've also had several complaints from the unfit claiming that eating a solitary can of spinach did nothing to help their overall physical health contrary to popular cartoon folklore.
However, in this case, Popeye claims that this was a hoax as there is no possible way for such a thing to happen during the canning process of their illustrious spinach product. A spokesman for the company, Mr. Reginald Harries had this to say, "It's extraordinarily unlikely that such a thing could happen during the manufacturing process. We have literally fired every one of our 'canners' and replaced them with machinery. Unless someone was so hungry for spinach that they snuck into the automated facility and were torn to shreds by the pulsing and pounding can openers and dispensaries, it's essentially impossible. Personally, I don't think anyone is stupid enough or so enamored with our spinach to do such a thing. We are making a full inquiry but expect to find this is a hoax."
In related news, Popeye the Sailorman has had a missing persons report filed on him by his girlfriend, Olive Oyl. No one has seen or heard from him since last Saturday when, like a drunken sailor, he began cursing in a drunken rage about how he was going to pick a fight with someone at the spinach plant.
"I was shocked and horrified at first," said Lawler. "There I was just hoping to fix a nice dinner for my family and I gasped in horror when I poured the contents of the spinach can into the pot. The last thing you expect to find are partial human remains of a sailor when cooking spinach."
The famous Popeye brand of spinach has come under some recent scrutiny for its manufacturing processes after several outbreaks of E. coli struck its immediate distribution area. They've also had several complaints from the unfit claiming that eating a solitary can of spinach did nothing to help their overall physical health contrary to popular cartoon folklore.
However, in this case, Popeye claims that this was a hoax as there is no possible way for such a thing to happen during the canning process of their illustrious spinach product. A spokesman for the company, Mr. Reginald Harries had this to say, "It's extraordinarily unlikely that such a thing could happen during the manufacturing process. We have literally fired every one of our 'canners' and replaced them with machinery. Unless someone was so hungry for spinach that they snuck into the automated facility and were torn to shreds by the pulsing and pounding can openers and dispensaries, it's essentially impossible. Personally, I don't think anyone is stupid enough or so enamored with our spinach to do such a thing. We are making a full inquiry but expect to find this is a hoax."
In related news, Popeye the Sailorman has had a missing persons report filed on him by his girlfriend, Olive Oyl. No one has seen or heard from him since last Saturday when, like a drunken sailor, he began cursing in a drunken rage about how he was going to pick a fight with someone at the spinach plant.
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