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I started thinking about this cold feet before wedding.
I watched an Everybody loves Raymond - Ray was kinda nervous about the upcoming wedding and Debra was yelling at him saying if you have cold feet wear socks ! I know this is just a tv show but this scenario is accurate for many couples. Watching this I thought Ray - run ! Don’t marry anyone that is not considerate to how you feel and especially if one person is not ready for marriage.
I had someone try and push me in to marriage I was young and not ready he was ready and wanted to start a family. What I really didn’t like is how he took it upon himself to map out our lives and telling me that’s how it was going to be. Wrong. I was never serious about him and was already interested in someone else.
Our lives were going in different directions. I was planning on moving to a city and doing a little traveling work and finishing school. I’m so grateful I was true to myself.
A couple of friends of mine had cold feet before their wedding. One friend was dating someone a little older he was pushing the wedding sooner than she wanted and she wanted to call off the wedding but went through with it because all the arrangements were made. They divorced in a year. She regrets ever marrying him.
The other friend felt pushed in to getting married he wasn’t ready and was upset the morning of the wedding his best friend told him he didn’t have to go through with it, but did because all arrangements were made. They divorced a few years later. Then this friend got pushed in to another marriage, divorced now he will never marry again and regrets not trusting his instincts.
I think when two people are right for each other they’ll know.
I don't know, it's a huge decision and I think it's pretty normal for people to get cold feet. It's kind of a toughie because it seems like it could be very difficult to tell the difference between cold feet and self-preservation instinct.
In all of your examples, there seemed to be bigger issues than just "irrational" cold feet.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bellamax2
A couple of friends of mine had cold feet before their wedding. One friend was dating someone a little older he was pushing the wedding sooner than she wanted and she wanted to call off the wedding but went through with it because all the arrangements were made. They divorced in a year. She regrets ever marrying him.
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellamax2
I think when two people are right for each other they’ll know.
ITA. You know. Your friend knew too, but she ignored herself. That’s more than just cold feet. IMO, giving yourself enough time to see the relationship & the other person clearly is the best gift you can give yourself. A marriage should never be “pushed” or “rushed” ofc. It’s a big red flag.
I read a statistic that 80% of engagements end up in people getting married. That means 20% of people who get engaged don't get married.
I guess everyone knows themselves best and can decide what they want to do. If I had cold feet (something I just don't get) that would be a sign to not go thru with the wedding. I would follow my gut which is usually right -- knows more than my logical thinking self.
I didn't sleep much the day before I got married, but it wasn't cold feet, it was excitement and anticipation of the celebration. I personally wouldn't get married if I had any second thoughts.
The idea of getting married totally freaked me out till I met my husband. With the right person it seemed like a no brainer, not scary at all.
I read a statistic that 80% of engagements end up in people getting married. That means 20% of people who get engaged don't get married.
I guess everyone knows themselves best and can decide what they want to do. If I had cold feet (something I just don't get) that would be a sign to not go thru with the wedding. I would follow my gut which is usually right -- knows more than my logical thinking self.
I didn't sleep much the day before I got married, but it wasn't cold feet, it was excitement and anticipation of the celebration. I personally wouldn't get married if I had any second thoughts.
The idea of getting married totally freaked me out till I met my husband. With the right person it seemed like a no brainer, not scary at all.
Waiting to have that in my life, thank you for sharing that there is hope even for a scaredy cat like me. I personally believe if you have cold feet, don't do it and wonder if there were other "signs" it may not be a good idea to proceed further.
I started thinking about this cold feet before wedding.
I watched an Everybody loves Raymond - Ray was kinda nervous about the upcoming wedding and Debra was yelling at him saying if you have cold feet wear socks ! I know this is just a tv show but this scenario is accurate for many couples. Watching this I thought Ray - run ! Don’t marry anyone that is not considerate to how you feel and especially if one person is not ready for marriage.
I had someone try and push me in to marriage I was young and not ready he was ready and wanted to start a family. What I really didn’t like is how he took it upon himself to map out our lives and telling me that’s how it was going to be. Wrong. I was never serious about him and was already interested in someone else.
Our lives were going in different directions. I was planning on moving to a city and doing a little traveling work and finishing school. I’m so grateful I was true to myself.
A couple of friends of mine had cold feet before their wedding. One friend was dating someone a little older he was pushing the wedding sooner than she wanted and she wanted to call off the wedding but went through with it because all the arrangements were made. They divorced in a year. She regrets ever marrying him.
The other friend felt pushed in to getting married he wasn’t ready and was upset the morning of the wedding his best friend told him he didn’t have to go through with it, but did because all arrangements were made. They divorced a few years later. Then this friend got pushed in to another marriage, divorced now he will never marry again and regrets not trusting his instincts.
I think when two people are right for each other they’ll know.
Thoughts ?
Yes, be glad you were true to yourself. Something similar happened to me as well; my boyfriend and I dated while we were in grad school and I really wasn’t surprised when he proposed shortly before graduation. He also had our lives planned out—a career for him, and babies for me. Our engagement lasted maybe two months, if that. There were constant arguments. I wanted to focus on my career full-time, and wasn’t keen about motherhood at that point, so I gave him back the ring and walked.
And I don’t regret it. We both found spouses far more suitable for us. He got engaged, married and became a father about 2 years after our breakup; I took awhile longer, and got married about 10 years later. Like another poster stated, when you know it’s right, you just know, especially as you get older and know yourself better.
Glad everything worked out for you, and it’s great that you were true to yourself.
To thine own self be true
The quote “to thine own self be true” means that one should be true to their principles and who they are. They should not strive to please other people by changing what they believe in or acting in any way that is outside what they really want to do.
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