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I agree with you to a degree, but maybe the venue means something to them and it's like a new beginning. It is selfish though to expect friends and family to attend and join in all the festivities, they should understand when there are less attendees than expected. I actually think it is more romantic for the couple to elope to Paris, just the two of them and getting married and coming back and announcing to all and having a little get together at a restaurant with a few family and friends, which the newlyweds would pay for.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Originally Posted by coolgato
I agree with you to a degree, but maybe the venue means something to them and it's like a new beginning. It is selfish though to expect friends and family to attend and join in all the festivities, they should understand when there are less attendees than expected. I actually think it is more romantic for the couple to elope to Paris, just the two of them and getting married and coming back and announcing to all and having a little get together at a restaurant with a few family and friends, which the newlyweds would pay for.
Lots of guys might feel this way.....but....for myself & most other girls, an elopement is not romantic.....
It’s romantic to have a surprise engagement trip....or a romantic honeymoon.....but
Not really, but it felt kind of weird that his parents and sister did not want to attend our wedding. I even thought about not having a wedding because it felt strange that a lot of our family wouldn't be there.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla
Not really, but it felt kind of weird that his parents and sister did not want to attend our wedding. I even thought about not having a wedding because it felt strange that a lot of our family wouldn't be there.
Did it cause a rift? I would take that personally if my family didn’t show up......or worse, his....it’s like they are saying they don’t support him...or you....or the marriage...
No, you would be surprised how some guys are like bridezillas. I think for a first wedding most girls want the big wedding with all the frills but the second and subsequent (hope that wouldn't be the case) weddings you just want low-key. It is nerve wracking to have to organize a big wedding and costly, too and after the first wedding, parents will not pay for subsequent wedding or they won't help out as much. I would rather just go away to get married quietly in a romantic city like Paris and maybe spend my honeymoon in the South of France then come home and surprise everyone with my big news. I am thinking my family and friends would be much relieved financially as well.
No, you would be surprised how some guys are like bridezillas. I think for a first wedding most girls want the big wedding with all the frills but the second and subsequent (hope that wouldn't be the case) weddings you just want low-key. It is nerve wracking to have to organize a big wedding and costly, too and after the first wedding, parents will not pay for subsequent wedding or they won't help out as much. I would rather just go away to get married quietly in a romantic city like Paris and maybe spend my honeymoon in the South of France then come home and surprise everyone with my big news. I am thinking my family and friends would be much relieved financially as well.
Many women want the big wedding; and I'd want to make my bride happy (and I'd never say no to a party either). After all, it's a celebration - not a 'low-key event' to be swept under the rug if a bride (or groom) were married previously. I'd question who I was marrying if she felt that way - as if to say, 'meh, you're nothing special, I did this before' - heh. All that really matters is what the bride (or the couple) wants - and it's not a negative if they are excited to celebrate and want to share their happiness with friends and family. There is always the opportunity to go to Paris or the South of France (or anywhere else) for the honeymoon and/or future vacations. A couple has their whole life together to travel; they only have one day to get married. That you might choose to avoid organizing a wedding or consider it 'nerve wracking' doesn't mean all brides would/should feel that way - many 'enjoy' it. Maybe a bride who is marrying for a second time sees it as her opportunity to 'get it right this time' - lol.
Many women want the big wedding; and I'd want to make my bride happy (and I'd never say no to a party either). After all, it's a celebration - not a 'low-key event' to be swept under the rug if a bride (or groom) were married previously. I'd question who I was marrying if she felt that way - as if to say, 'meh, you're nothing special, I did this before' - heh. All that really matters is what the bride (or the couple) wants - and it's not a negative if they are excited to celebrate and want to share their happiness with friends and family. There is always the opportunity to go to Paris or the South of France (or anywhere else) for the honeymoon and/or future vacations. A couple has their whole life together to travel; they only have one day to get married. That you might choose to avoid organizing a wedding or consider it 'nerve wracking' doesn't mean all brides would/should feel that way - many 'enjoy' it. Maybe a bride who is marrying for a second time sees it as her opportunity to 'get it right this time' - lol.
You brought up an interesting point, something which I often thought, about how if you don't do something substantial or "big" or even go through the effort, it's like a bad beginning, yes, like "you're nothing special" kind of thing. I have had friends that didn't even have a wedding and just went and got a license, then a quickie at City Hall, and that was it. Most of these friends' marriages ended in divorce and friends that went all out, beautiful wedding, reception after, dinner, bridesmaids, the fairy tale wedding dream come true - well, they are still married. These were first marriages though and the couples were much younger. I think when the second or subsequent marriages come along you are a bit older and you had your dream wedding already. If my fiancee wanted a big wedding I would go for it because that is his dream. Going to Paris to get married in a secret ceremony is just my ideal, but I'd change that if my fiancee wanted a big dream wedding
This topic hits a sensitive spot for me. My mom went all out on a non-first wedding, which irked me to no end. My mom has been married twice since my parents divorced when I was 16 (fortunately, she didn't start dating again until I was 18 and out of the house), and neither marriage met my approval. Both weddings were more elaborate than they needed to be, but the more recent one was more elaborate of the two. Her most recent wedding was the height of self-centeredness and done in a way that was designed to annoy me the most.
I have complicated feelings on the subject of marriage. I don't really desire to get married myself. I'm in my 30s, and I have skipped all of my friends and cousins weddings that I have been invited to attend based upon my feelings about marriage and my potential discomfort in attending. I haven't wanted my potential discomfort to interfere with my friends' good time.
My mom knows how I feel about marriage and weddings. She also knows that I do not like the man. She didn't have the sense to not invite me. As a side note with family weddings, one cousin was at least considerate enough not to invite me to his 2nd wedding. Attending my mom's wedding would involve me traveling to another state, which is an inconvience for me. Also, she decides to have the wedding on the weekend of my birthday, which is hugely inconsiderate.
I really did not need to attend this wedding, since the wedding ceremony itself was just 45 minutes long, and the post reception was 2-3 hours long. I spend more time traveling to and from the wedding than the length of the wedding and the post reception. No other family member of my mother attended because no other family member thought it was worth their time. My mother essentially blackmailed me into attending, and massively inconvenienced me. Ugh.
Location: As of 2022….back to SoCal. OC this time!
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Originally Posted by RJ312
This topic hits a sensitive spot for me. My mom went all out on a non-first wedding, which irked me to no end. My mom has been married twice since my parents divorced when I was 16 (fortunately, she didn't start dating again until I was 18 and out of the house), and neither marriage met my approval. Both weddings were more elaborate than they needed to be, but the more recent one was more elaborate of the two. Her most recent wedding was the height of self-centeredness and done in a way that was designed to annoy me the most.
I have complicated feelings on the subject of marriage. I don't really desire to get married myself. I'm in my 30s, and I have skipped all of my friends and cousins weddings that I have been invited to attend based upon my feelings about marriage and my potential discomfort in attending. I haven't wanted my potential discomfort to interfere with my friends' good time.
My mom knows how I feel about marriage and weddings. She also knows that I do not like the man. She didn't have the sense to not invite me. As a side note with family weddings, one cousin was at least considerate enough not to invite me to his 2nd wedding. Attending my mom's wedding would involve me traveling to another state, which is an inconvience for me. Also, she decides to have the wedding on the weekend of my birthday, which is hugely inconsiderate.
I really did not need to attend this wedding, since the wedding ceremony itself was just 45 minutes long, and the post reception was 2-3 hours long. I spend more time traveling to and from the wedding than the length of the wedding and the post reception. No other family member of my mother attended because no other family member thought it was worth their time. My mother essentially blackmailed me into attending, and massively inconvenienced me. Ugh.
I’m so sorry it touched on sensitive spot & issues about your relationship with your mom. No one could blame you for not attending if you have a rift & having it on her daughter’s birthday was *very inconsiderate* IMO. But for most of us....second weddings aren’t to annoy or frustrate anyone... ...they are just meant to share love & happiness with friends & family so why should people be told to tone it down?
I have skipped all of my friends and cousins weddings that I have been invited to
...my potential discomfort in attending.
My mom knows how I feel ...
... I do not like the man.
... me traveling to another state...
... an inconvience for me.
... my birthday, which is hugely inconsiderate.
I really did not need to attend this wedding...
I spend more time traveling to and from the wedding than the length of the wedding and the post reception.
My mother essentially blackmailed me into attending, and massively inconvenienced me. Ugh.
Ugh is right. This post belongs in Psychology.
I understand that you would have residual problems leftover from your parents' divorce, but this makes it sound like you are unable to function without seeing yourself as the center of their universe. Experience with a healthy romantic relationship could enable you to see this kind of wedding situation from a perspective other than your own.
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...they are just meant to share love & happiness with friends & family so why should people be told to tone it down?
