Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
So wait, so grown children are not obligated to pass on the family tradition (even the positive traditions) to their children down the road? Wouldn't that be a slap in the face?
Um, no. Once they are adults it's their decisions and their lives. Sure as parents we want them to make certain decisions to have better lives but it's ultimately their lives. That's why it's important to raise them the best you can.
Isn't the main reason for having children is to spread/ keep your bloodlines and traditions strong?
I would say more bloodlines than traditions but that's not the ONLY reason to have children. They may keep some of yours or none of yours and ultimately they will develop some of their own.
Isn't the main reason for having children is to spread/ keep your bloodlines and traditions strong?
It may be your wish, but it isn't the reality... They live somewhere, in some culture and society they want to fit in... They're not here to fulfill your wishes... One of the reasons I gave up on having children is I was observing what's going on with foreigners' children around me and I realized I didn't want to raise kids who would be nothing like me and whom I may potentially want to strangle...
Here's some food for thought:
On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.
It may be your wish, but it isn't the reality... They live somewhere, in some culture and society they want to fit in... They're not here to fulfill your wishes... One of the reasons I gave up on having children is I was observing what's going on with foreigners' children around me and I realized I didn't want to raise kids who would be nothing like me and whom I may potentially want to strangle...
Here's some food for thought:
On Children
Kahlil Gibran
Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself. They come through you but not from you, And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts, For they have their own thoughts. You may house their bodies but not their souls, For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams. You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you. For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth. The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far. Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness; For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.
One of the reasons I gave up on having children is I was observing what's going on with foreigners' children around me and I realized I didn't want to raise kids who would be nothing like me and whom I may potentially want to strangle...
To me, it is important that children are well educated and do the things that the mother's culture and father's culture do. I am a product of both my mother and father and I do embrace both side of Asian cultures by doing things from both my mother's and father's cultures. A child should be enriched with both the mother's and father's backgrounds.
However, reflecting on my Dad's side of the family and my cousins from my Dad's side of the family (my Dad came from a family of 10 children, him being the 2nd), I realized that NONE of my cousins embrace the culture from my DAd's side of the family -- instead, they embrace the culture from my Dad's brothers-in-law and sisters-in-law.
Mind you, all my cousins from my DAd's side of the family were not being appropriately educated and informed about my Dad's side of the family.
For example, my uncle (Dad's younger brother) married a Mexican lady, been married for 20+ years, and have 2 children (my 2 cousins). None of them spoke our language (in fact, Mexican is their native tongue), they prefer Mexican food over our food (Asian), and keep better touch with the Mexican side of the family. Another example, my aunt (Dad's younger sister) married a Jewish man, married for 20+ years, and have 2 children. Same thing happened, except just change the word "Mexican" to "Jewish". Another example, my aunt (Dad's younger sister) married a Cuban man, married for 30+ years, and have 1 child. Same thing happened, except just change the word "Mexican" to "Cuban".
So I'm afraid that my children will be dominated by my spouse's family culture... I have nothing against my spouse's side of the family nor his culture. I love and respect his culture -- I just want my child/ children to be Little half "me" and half "my spouse". I know my inlaws volunteer to watch my child (when it's time for me to have a kid :-)) on a daily basis while I go back to work, but I'm afraid by doing so, my child would turn into Little "inlaws".
Any advice?
It could be the dominant spouse's culture took the lead influential role. For some reason your father's family culture took the back seat with their spouses and child rearing, it could be where they spent holidays as they where growing up. I don't think that will be the case with you, you want equal cultural influence, but where the kids spend a good deal of time will have a big impact. At some point as the kids get older, they'll make choices and lean more in favor of the culture that suits them.
So wait, so grown children are not obligated to pass on the family tradition (even the positive traditions) to their children down the road? Wouldn't that be a slap in the face?
No. And if that goal were so very important to you, then you should have married a man of your same culture and traditions.
And exactly what family traditions of yours are so important to pass down to future generations? I'm just curious as I can't think of any Chinese traditions that I would care to pass along as there are so many Chinese people on this planet already being Chinese. Stuff like respecting your elders and studying hard at school are just good commonsense lifestyle guidelines. I would just laugh if a family member tried to arrange a marriage for me. And I ignore that "saving face" stuff. I can't stand Chinese music, old or new. As to general Chinese history and cuisine, all that information is already in numerous books, films, pictures, museums and restaurants.
If family history and traditions like special cooking recipes, then my recommendation for YOU is for YOU to assemble all of that in some sort of media format like scrapbooks, pictures and video. Or start a family history website with your other family members. That way, it all gets preserved and your descendants can peruse the family history library at their leisure and for many decades to come.
And since you are a fellow Asian (Chinese?) there are billions of Asians all over the world. Certainly, you shouldn't have any fear of our Asian traditions vanishing ever.
Otherwise, I worked a Bat Mitzvah for a family that adopted a Chinese girl. For her 13th birthday, they also took her on a two week visit to mainland China to help discover her roots. Her party had many Asian touches to it.
And the most Asian acting person in my immediate family is my aunt that married my Chinese uncle. She learned the language and the cuisine. She even learned to play a Chinese musical instrument. There were many Asian influences in her early artwork.
So again, expose your future children to your Asian background, but remember to make it fun and even lighthearted. I'd say that the only aspects that might need to be "pushed" early on is some exposure to the Chinese language (as it's easier to learn languages when really young) and also to introduce them to Asian foods so that they don't think it odd tasting. I think that had my mother not varied the cuisine so much when we were kids, I wouldn't be so open minded about trying new food tastes now. And she did it with my nieces too. They would eat before the adults and my mom would prepare their plates with small tastes of what the adults were getting later on. They would get tiny pieces of Chinese sausage and thousand year old eggs along with more American foods.
My family is very strong and supportive. We are tough lovers, and when we get together we laugh and laugh loud. There's 11 kids, 20+ grands and 3 great grands. It's bound to rub off on those who become part of it, especially a child.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
