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It seems so hard to 'make friends' when you are older. If you are outgoing and friendly it's natural to want to be friends with people.
But it's difficult to get 'most people' to go beyond '"Hi."
I remember when we were growing up, my parents were friends with half a dozen couples, including several in our neighborhood (of various ages).
For us it never goes beyond "Hi, how you doing?" to the neighbors. We had this one couple I was friendly with (we talked outside our apartments) and I wished it could have become 'more social' but they moved recently.
I knew the guy for a year and we had some nice chats and recently got to know the wife when she got laid off. I thought we would all probably be cool friends (they have 2 little kids and are slightly younger than us). But nothing came of it and I am feeling a bit sad.
I know what you mean. Now, that we moved to a new state, we are in the process of making new friends.
I remember asking someone who is in her 40s, if it's possible to make good friends after you are 30 and she said to me something interesting. She said that the closest friends she has ever had were the ones she has met in her 30s.
The thing is, when we are young, it's easier to make friends because we are not bound by children, families, work. We go to school, college, our lives are easier, we meet more people our age, we have more time on our hands and we make friends faster.
When we are in our 30s, we have a lot more responsibilities, so friendships are harder to make, but whenever we do make friends, we establish a stronger bond, because we really have to make efforts to reach out to those people and keep in touch with them. Those kind of friendships are more mature and perhaps more real. However, it IS HARDER to make friends when you have family, work etc...that much I can tell.
I have made some very close friendships in the last 5/10/15 years. Many from the workplace, and one a close neighbor that is just a wonderful friend as well.
I don't know why, but I seem to accumulate more good friends as I go. I don't think I do anything special to try to do that though...I'm just lucky I guess.
Last edited by ChessieMom; 10-19-2009 at 05:26 PM..
we moved to a new state a couple of years ago and in the beginning when we lived in apartments which are very transient, we had NO freinds at all. it made us kind of miss home all the more. being in the same state all my life and coming from a big family, i had never felt so lonely.
then we bought a house and everyone in the neighborhood was new to the area as well. so basically everyone became freinds, but as time went on, you start to realize you cant force this stuff. sometimes, you just dont have much in common, different lifestyles etc.
so the "freindships" dwindled a bit. it's not quantity, but quality with us, so we are patient and when we meet new people and see them a few times, we can get a feel of wether or not we want to continue and go forward.
sometimes you just have to take the chance and invite them out or over and spend some time with them---kind of like dating. sometimes it doesnt work out--as we have found, and sometimes it does.
I don't have any trouble and it's nothing special with me either, but I'm not really seeking any new ones. I'm open to making friends, but I go out of my way to keep the real ones close.
I know exactly what you mean! We recently relocated to another state, and it's been tuff making friends. I am friendly with a few people from work, but we don't socialize outside of work.
It could be age, but it could be location as well. Do you live in a very transitory neighborhood, or someplace that is more established? I think if you are in a more family oriented area, it would be easier to get along, since it's not likely they are looking to pick up and leave.
I think it's much harder. At least I sort of find myself walking on eggshells when getting to know someone. I've had so many people come and go from my life that I've forgotten how to develop friendships, sort of. It's not that people don't like me, but I guess I keep them at bay. Good friends are extremely hard to come by. I think my biggest mistake was moving into a neighborhood where everyone is a family and I'm the only single one. Plus, everyone really keeps to themselves here. We wave, but that is about it.
At any rate, it takes time to develop new friendships. They sure don't come overnight. Maybe joining clubs or meetups is the way to go (for me being single). But Gypsy, I know they also have meetups for moms too. Might be worth looking into.
If you are single (some of you are, right?) it's much easier than when you are married to meet people. I had tons of friends when I was single.
I live in a place that mainly has 'people from other states' or countries living here (in our complex). Yes, it is kind of transitory.
I do have one friend here but she is from Muslim/foreign background so only she and I 'associate' not our husbands.
It would be nice to have a couple or two to do things with sometimes. Even when we lived in our old state, making friends was difficult.
I agree about quality not quantity. I think I need to 'join something' and get out of the neighborhood. I was just a bit upset about the last neighbors because I thought 'we clicked.' (well, rather the guy and I clicked so maybe it is a good thing we aren't friends.) :O
I had way more friends in my former city than here. I worked with a lot of single professionals my age, plus I liked where I lived. Here, I guess I've turned into a curmudgeon. I didn't realize just how much it was going to matter whether I was going to a liberal or conservative place. That has come into play for me here. I've switched careers too. Everyone was in their 20s in my last job. Then where I've been volunteering everyone is in their 70s. For some reason it's been hard meeting people my age and of the same bent. Probably because I am in a minority here I guess.
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