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While aloofness and arrogance can be perceived as attractive, you are almost certainly manifesting these traits in a way that is not charismatic. For you they are barriers.
You really do need to work on overcoming this, and it is going to take effort.
I mean...you're not wrong, probably. But it's either I come off as aloof...or anxious, and the latter is far less attractive.
My anxiety and low self-esteem were heightened by failing at OLD for years and creating the belief that no women find me attractive enough to even talk to. A therapist cannot fix that. Talking it out will not fix my issue, and there is no deep-seated trauma I need to unpack. It all relates to dating apps. Until I can make those work, I thought process can't really be any different. Basically, I need something to debunk this belief that was crated...over years of just being involuntarily alone. Medication won't get me likes and matches lol.
My man, you're never going to "debunk this belief" because you refuse to listen to people who are offering you advice. You have a retort for all 6+ pages of answers here and still come back to "Well, I have anxiety and that's never going to change."
I cannot wrap my head around why you think professional help - either through therapy or medication (or both) would not help you. It's almost as if you enjoy being anxious.
And those are all easy to fake if you have any remote amount of tact or self-awareness. Not everyone is transparent. I've been told, by people who have no reason to lie, that I actually come off as aloof, disinterested, and even arrogant at times. (a common misconception for anxious people, coincidentally)Even though I'm actually painstakingly anxious and self-conscious. Bc I dress well, I'm tall and in shape, I'm aware of my body language and I don't just look stereotypically depressed, most never assume I have a confidence issue.
OP, as I and others have posted here, there's treatment for anxiety. If you're tall, in shape, and well-dressed, well that sounds pretty good to me. I think your experience could change if you could work with someone on the anxiety. Your employer-based health insurance probably covers mental health care. This wouldn't necessarily have to be some endless stream of talk therapy, not at all. There are therapists/counselors who specialize in anxiety issues. I suppose it might be a different matter if your anxiety is rooted in early childhood experiences, but still; they could give you a temporary pharma fix while addressing the deeper issues, or could give you techniques to practice for overcoming the anxiety, possibly without the need to go too deep.
You can google key words like "therapists, anxiety" and your location, "anxiety therapy", and that kind of thing, to see what comes up in your city. Then you can read the websites of the practitioners to get an idea of what they offer. You can even call them, and leave a message to say you're looking for a therapist, and would like to ask them some questions. They'll get back to you.
This type of exploratory activity can give you some good info on how this type of therapy works, how different practitioners approach it, and it costs you nothing to browse websites and ask questions. No commitment necessary until you feel ready, but you'll get lots of food for thought.
I'd hate to see that height, sense of style, and in-shape silhouette go to waste! The world awaits the new you, OP! Humor, warmth, an educated background inspiring good conversation, and consideration of others can go far to overcome less than stellar looks. All that may sound like a tall order right now, but it's definitely doable, step by step, with guidance.
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The world awaits the new you, OP! Humor, warmth, an educated background inspiring good conversation, and consideration of others can go far to overcome less than stellar looks. All that may sound like a tall order right now, but it's definitely doable, step by step, with guidance. 
