Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
I was pretty damn handsome when I was younger. Women were always easy for me. I was told over and over by both men and women that I was good looking. At the end of the day it's nice, but whatever.
I'm mid 50s now and it's not the same but it's OK. I'm a funny guy so you gotta work with what you got. I was probably a solid 8 which is fine, I wasn't super model level, but 8 aint bad, lol.
Getting older and becoming increasingly invisible to women has been an eye opener in just reminding me of getting older.
When I was in my 20s and 30s the attention was too much. Cars slowing down when I was walking down the street, people staring in the subway cars, whistles and horns honking, it was ridiculous and made me nervous.
Having been a safety freak first and foremost, it put me on edge.
I've always been a creative dresser (not vulgar) so some of it might have been the clothes combinations I wore. I had to call one of my yoga teachers one time and when I said my name he said "Are you the girl with those...those...clothes?"
Anyway now I go about my business and no one even looks at me.
When I was in my 20s and 30s the attention was too much. Cars slowing down when I was walking down the street, people staring in the subway cars, whistles and horns honking, it was ridiculous and made me nervous.
Having been a safety freak first and foremost, it put me on edge.
I've always been a creative dresser (not vulgar) so some of it might have been the clothes combinations I wore. I had to call one of my yoga teachers one time and when I said my name he said "Are you the girl with those...those...clothes?"
Anyway now I go about my business and no one even looks at me.
It's wonderfully relaxing, lol
I was never fond of how some men acted. Cat calling and jeering at women. It was never my style. My dad was a total sexist. Growing up around that made me go the opposite direction.
Getting older and becoming increasingly invisible to women has been an eye opener in just reminding me of getting older.
Quote:
Originally Posted by RubyandPearl
Personally I love being invisible.
You both speak to invisibility as if attraction or interest doesn’t reach beyond one’s youth (or that what one finds attractive is universally appealing to all, for that matter). I’m fifty and still consider myself to be an attractive guy i.e. fit, well-dressed and decent facial features; obviously, however, I’m not a model and context/age matters, but that doesn’t translate to invisibility.
I think one of the qualities that is unattractive, per the thread, is women who place so much focus on their appearance that they freak out about getting older and let themselves go (rather than embrace how to maintain their attractiveness for themselves as well as their partner). Cattiness too.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chowhound
I'm mid 50s now and it's not the same
In other words, how is it not the same? Provided you were attractive then (and you haven’t ‘let yourself go’), you should still be attractive to the same group of women or men (who have aged right along with you).
If a person is attractive, I think they reach a point where they just know. I can name a dozen ways society treats attractive people differently.
Hmm I don't know - just matter of factly in the way that I say for example that I'm a polite person in general?
I may agree or disagree with them, but I wouldn't think about it further.
The only thing that would get on my nerves is if this happens a lot.
How come you wrote that last part about society treating attractive people differently?
l'm much happier now to 50s.lt was too much in younger days l agree with others.
Now lm still different which that l do like and l do get spotted bc l'm different but which l don't even mean in just some shallow looks thing l'm just different and that's the way l like it. looks wise these days, l dunno, still stand out a bit get attention but it's slowed right of which is fine with me. And with my down to earth ways and personality, l kinda blend in more though to which was all l wanted my whole life - different but blending ha ha ha. Work that out. Wouldn;t go back for any money.
I have the same kind of thinking on this subject. I don't know that I had a whole culture or community that was suppressing any kind of personal displays of pride, but my family discouraged it. I recall that upon hearing me tell my Grandfather about reading lots of books and getting a good grade in a class, when I was a child, my Mom said, "quit bragging and tooting your own horn. Nobody likes a know it all." I was an ugly kid, frankly, and I was not permitted to be proud of any of my accomplishments, but lots of attention was fixed on every flaw or error.
Looking back, honestly, it bothers me. Perhaps if my family did not insist on training me to put myself down at all times, I might have had the self esteem to have not ended up with the jerk I spent 18 years with. I might have had the vaguest notion that for any good and worthwhile quality I possessed, I deserved better. I did not believe at the time, that I had poor self esteem, though. I had a scrappy kind of confidence. But I didn't think it was OK to think of myself as good looking (by age 14 I definitely was, but I did not think so then.) And while I liked my mind a great deal and still do, I don't always expect that to matter to anyone other than me.
I did eventually decide to take compliments with a smile and a "thank you" rather than denials. Part of that is the fact that I like giving compliments to others in the hopes of brightening their day. I give other people the reaction that I am hoping for when the roles are reversed. But connection is far more important to me than being admired. I don't put much effort into my looks. I have a no-makeup nerdy girl thing going on. My shirts are chosen for some pop culture reference that hopefully sparks conversation (today it's Space Ghost Coast to Coast) rather than to accentuate my body. I want to be approachable more than I want to be stared at.
I have a hard time evaluating myself in the present as attractive or not. I look in the mirror and always see everything that is not quite right. But since the other people that I find very attractive, in my life, seem to find ME pretty attractive...whether for just looks or my personality or vibe or whatever it is...I'll take it!
So yeah, I think I like best when someone is able to be honest about generally how attractive they are...but does not act as though it makes them better than anyone else. People should be allowed to have pride in whatever they've got going on...looks, smarts, accomplishments, whatever...as long as they don't act like a snob about it. But I tell ya...parents really need to teach their kids not to put themselves down, but also not to be arrogant a-holes, as with most things it's about balance.
This is the dark side of things that doesn't get enough attention. Depending on the environment you're in, one might have to deal with an excessive amount of gaslighting or people downplaying your advantages; seemingly in an attempt to convince you that said advantages don't exist. For me, self awareness came too late in life, and I only slowly began to realize why many people in my past were so mean and antagonizing towards me even though I had done nothing to them.
Society will continue to deny the harm that abuse and mistreatment can cause to someone's self esteem. Why do we assume that each person is fully aware of their qualities/capabilities when that isn't always true?
Impostor syndrome is more real than pretty privilege is.
Society will continue to deny the harm that abuse and mistreatment can cause to someone's self esteem.
From my perspective, society does not deny this; in fact, there’s more awareness (and available information) regarding it than ever before. That said, negative behavior on display relative to appearance, per the thread, will be judged as such i.e. cattiness, anger, gloating, harassment and so on.
In other words, there’s a difference between a low self-esteem (or doing something constructive about it) vs. negative behavior relative to such (that only perpetuates the cycle).
From my perspective, society does not deny this; in fact, there’s more awareness (and available information) regarding it than ever before. That said, negative behavior on display relative to appearance, per the thread, will be judged as such i.e. cattiness, anger, gloating, harassment and so on.
In other words, there’s a difference between a low self-esteem (or doing something constructive about it) vs. negative behavior relative to such (that only perpetuates the cycle).
Not openly, but it's definitely not taken very seriously especially in the case of someone that is deemed handsome/beautiful -- to the extent that it's more or less acceptable to refer to an obviously good looking person as "ugly" or not all that; maybe pointing out certain flaws they might have regardless of whether or not they can change them. People are okay with that type of misbehavior, but if an attractive person gloats or even acknowledges their looks, well that's just antisocial
The real difference is in trying to hurt others and not trying to.
Not openly, but it's definitely not taken very seriously especially in the case of someone that is deemed handsome/beautiful -- to the extent that it's more or less acceptable to refer to an obviously good looking person as "ugly" or not all that; maybe pointing out certain flaws they might have regardless of whether or not they can change them.
The type of person who refers to someone as ugly (whether they are attractive or not) is taken seriously in that they’re perceived as having psychological issues of their own. A good example: folks taking the time to follow/harass attractive women in social media. Obviously, if they were attractive (or happy) themselves, they’d have better things to do with their time - not to mention they wouldn’t derive pleasure from attempting to hurt others.
Quote:
Originally Posted by godrestores
People are okay with that type of misbehavior, but if an attractive person gloats or even acknowledges their looks, well that's just antisocial
We make judgements relative to all social behavior/attraction. One who gloats will not be perceived favorably by most either; however, that’s different than simply acknowledging it or appreciating a compliment.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
