Any other women late 20s or early 30s that are thinking about conceiving with their man or already trying to? (rate, cost)

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by Roselvr

I know he is older, in his 40's already. I also know the plan was to be child free. I think you two should make up your mind ASAP because if you're going to do it, do it now since he is in his 40's.

ITA we don’t have a lot of time to think about & it could take several months for me to get pregnant too.

Originally Posted by Roselvr

I know he's lost an infant that he did not get to grieve. I can see him being happy if you did decide to have at least one. You never know, after you have one, you may just realize you want two, then that's it.

He was unable to grieve completely because he was helping the baby’s mom AND trying to be strong support for her. That was years ago tho & he has grieved ofc. He talks more openly about it now than he did when I first met him. That was then…this is now.

Another baby can’t replace one he lost tho….so IMO, it’s not a part of our decision. We keep it separate.

Originally Posted by Roselvr

What is the hesitation about? Maybe some of us can help you, answer some questions about what's bothering you.

Well…the hesitation is thinking about if it would change us a lot. I love us & our life together, but I hear from some of my friends or ppl I work with how much their marriages changed….not in a good way.

[Lillie767]

Well, we thought about having a child but never felt strongly about it. So, there was no actual decision, just no proactive initiatives. In the end, no children.

It was a good decision for us. I'm glad we had the life we did and there are no regrets. We both had excellent and successful careers and traveled extensively. We've been to every state and every continent except SA and Antartica. [Boo covid!]

But all of these comments and posts are irrelevant, because only you know your heart. If you are really ambivalent, be very careful of your decision. There are no "backsies" on this.

[Teacher Terry]

I wouldn’t have a child unless you both really, really want one. It’s a lifetime commitment. I always knew I would have kids. My 3 have brought me some of my greatest joy and some of the greatest sorrows. My oldest son and Dil didn’t want kids but then considered it for awhile and I told them the same thing. In the end they didn’t do it and are very happy they didn’t have kids. When you read the studies marriages are happier without kids.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by Lillie767

Well, we thought about having a child but never felt strongly about it. So, there was no actual decision, just no proactive initiatives. In the end, no children.

Originally Posted by Lillie767

It was a good decision for us.

Thank you. I’m happy that worked for you. We don’t want it to be a decision of indecision tho….so we are actively discussing & exploring it before stopping birth control.

edit: Because of our age difference, I don’t want to wait too long or have an “accident” in 10 yrs.

[sera]

Reflecting back, my husband and I Both wanted children, he especially wanted children before I was 30 ! Didn't want to be an "older" parent !

In your decision, think of 18, 20 years of commitment. ? What if said child is challenged ( 2 of my adult grandchildren are physically, mentally challenged. At 24, 23, the sisters live with my son, go to a program 5 days a week)

Are you willing to stay home, take care of them 24, 7 as I did ? When our sons were 12, 15, my husband, age 40, became permanently disabled. Short term memory loss.

We were enjoying the empty nest, for a very short time, then the challenged granddaughter came into our lives. Another story.

IF you and your husband happy together, good ! PLEASE strongly read Lily's, Teacher Terry Post.

[SerlingHitchcockJPeele]

You've been married at or around a year now, and are in your mid 30s and he in his mid 40s, correct? And, you have been thinking about this for quite some time (according to your posts). You two are no longer young adults and have had plenty of time to live your lives without children, so if you are both truly ready... The only thing TO IT is to DO IT. Do it while you are still young enough and have the energy for them.

My wife and I had our first at 29 and 34 and our second almost 7 years later. That seven years was a BIG difference and he was A LOT fussier and required much more attention than our first. You've been posting about this long enough that it seems if you didn't at least try to have a child, you might not be happy about it in the long run...so if you're ready go for it and TTC.

Lots of baby dust and best wishes to you if you guys decide to go that route.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by SerlingHitchcockJPeele

You've been married at or around a year now, and are in your mid 30s and he in his mid 40s, correct? And, you have been thinking about this for quite some time (according to your posts).

He is in his mid 40’s & I’m just over 30. We have been thinking about it since my pregnancy “scare”…even tho we’re using birth control. I have to admit since learning I wasn’t pregnant, I was a little disappointed…we both were. It’s kind of a wave of emotions up & down when you think you might be unexpectedly pregnant & then find out you aren’t.

[A New Day]

It sounds like it would be a perfect time for you! I like the idea of having more than one so the child has a playmate. Would two kids potentially be a possibility?

[oh-eve]

How long have you been together?

My recommendation: If you are happy with your life right now, keep it that way for a while. Maybe freeze your eggs. Enjoy being married, go travel, explore what the world has to offer. You just moved, settle in to your new place, enjoy SoCal.

Borrow a child from friends, spend a day with it. See how you feel.

I am 45, child free. Every time I thought about having one, I stopped by friends who have little kids. I left an hour later, determined to double up on birth control.

[TashaPosh]

Originally Posted by A New Day

It sounds like it would be a perfect time for you! I like the idea of having more than one so the child has a playmate. Would two kids potentially be a possibility?

Thank you…tho even thinking about a second before we decide on one is a little overwhelming!

Originally Posted by oh-eve

How long have you been together?

My recommendation: If you are happy with your life right now, keep it that way for a while. Maybe freeze your eggs. Enjoy being married, go travel, explore what the world has to offer. You just moved, settle in to your new place, enjoy SoCal.

We’ve been together since 2018. Both of us have traveled & experienced a lot….separately before we met & together too. BUT I understand this POV because we have only been married a little over a year & we love our lifestyle. I wouldn’t need to freeze my eggs tho, I’m younger than he is. It’s because my husband is older…(40s)….that I don’t feel like we have a lot of time to wait if we are going to do this.

Originally Posted by oh-eve

Borrow a child from friends, spend a day with it. See how you feel.

I am 45, child free. Every time I thought about having one, I stopped by friends who have little kids. I left an hour later, determined to double up on birth control.

….Lol. You have a good point.^^ We have spent time with his nieces & nephew AND I was a “bonus mom” super briefly for my ex’s baby. I see friends who have babies too….but a lot of times they are over or we are out together without their babies for a couples night.

edit: I don’t know if it’s the same tho…because they aren’t our kids. BUT it is a good suggestion…thank you.