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"Secondhand smoke causes numerous health problems in infants and children, including more frequent and severe asthma attacks, respiratory infections, ear infections, and sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS)."
More understanding on pregnancies and the body might help. Not every woman loses her figure and some find pregnancy/labor a breeze. Staying in shape, practicing a variety of labor techniques and making healthy choices is a big part of it. I found reading books helps; especially ones explaining labor and late stages of pregnancy. Nurture by Erica Chidi Cohen was what help build my confidence in my own body while preparing for pregnancy.
Honestly motherhood is just as jarring and labor intensive on the body as pregnancy. Little to no sleep, constant cleaning, usually a change in diet, and increased anxiety. Many of the changes women find aren't due to pregnancy rather change in lifestyle due to becoming a mother. My sister stayed pretty skinny during her pregnancy; motherhood was what put the pounds on her.
There is no problem in waiting until the time is right. My husband and I have been wanting a child for years but we also wanted to enjoy our 20s. Waiting until we were satisfied with cigarettes, booze, and all those extra adult pleasures. It sounds like you two still like the adults only life so maybe enjoy that for a bit more before looking at children. You might find waiting helped quell the concerns and fears held.
Surrogacy is absolutely a possibility and it is more affordable now then in the past. I will say that it's not perfect. Depending on your location your viable options might be limited. Surrogacy isn't a picnic either; you're involving a 3rd party of which you have little to no control over their behavior or life during the pregnancy. Children born of surrogates can have identify issues and behavioral quirks very akin to adopted kids. So you have to keep in mind how those dynamics down the road will impact your family.
A little fear is normal. The other things are weird. I would not have children with someone who will not even give up smoking for her own well-being.
Unfortunately, She is very addicted. She smokes a lot and for a long time. She fortunately reasonable and admits she maybe won't be able to stop smoke during pregnancy.
Unfortunately, She is very addicted. She smokes a lot and for a long time. She fortunately reasonable and admits she maybe won't be able to stop smoke during pregnancy.
I rest my case. She has more problems that you wanting a child.
OK. Is it possible that she is using her addiction to smoking and her fears about childbirth to mask her actual disinclination to be a mother?
I think you two need some marriage counseling to talk through these issues.
I think using a surrogate should be the absolute last thing you use to have a child. There are so many ways using a surrogate can go sideways. And if your wife, deep down, does not want to be a mother, you are doing the child no favor by bringing him/her into your family.
Women who truly want to be mothers will stop at nothing to have a child. The fact that your wife cannot imagine stopping a unhealthy habit, worries about her body and is afraid of pain, signals to me that she might not really want to be a mother.
You two need counseling, and clarity. Take the necessary steps to gain that clarity.
And you need to find out how important it is to you, OP, to be a father.
I think she wants to be a mother, but she is very delicate. Her friend had a surrogate and she told her it is a way to have a baby without pain and renunciation.
Unfortunately, She is very addicted. She smokes a lot and for a long time. She fortunately reasonable and admits she maybe won't be able to stop smoke during pregnancy.
Whether or not she actually carries and gives birth to a child, she needs to quit smoking if you are to bring children into the home.
Secondhand smoke causes all kinds of health issues for children. I should know - my mother smoked until I was 8 or 9, and I was diagnosed with Stage IV cancer that has been attributed to my exposure to secondhand smoke when I was 23. My brother and I both developed asthma as a result as well.
If your wife truly cannot stop smoking, then she has chosen her addiction over parenthood.
She smokes outside or in the garage. It's not fair to condemn her because of one bad habit.
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